Next step?

[mscott]

Ok, some may have to read my other thread to see what is going on but;

I have plans to return to Michigan Mid July to avoid my ex from trying to take full physical custody of my children.

My externship starts next week, and should only take 4-6 weeks.

As far as a job when I return to Michigan, I don't know how long it will take for me to find one.

It's unfortunate, because I am being placed in a great externship, one most grads want with the hopes of a hire, but I cannot take a job offer.

As of now, we have Joint legal/physical custody according to court papers, although obviously I have not had them 50% of this year as of yet.

Because of my hasty return to Michigan, finances are going to be very hard.
I had hoped to take an offered position from my externship for about 6 months, just to have that experience, make it easier to find a job.

But because of my Ex, constantly filing papers against me, I need to get home. I have been out here for 9 months now. Mid august will be one year.

Our agreement states that when I return to Michigan, we will submit to mediation for child support and the exact arrangement of our 50/50.

Now Im returning to michigan, most likely without a job initially, and I will have to stay with my brother. My brothers home will not have space for my kids.

I want to be able to rent right in the district my children are in right now ( I dont want them changing districts again).

I would be able to get into a place, but without a job yet, and No Child support, I wouldnt be able to maintain.

I am hoping to get a job and make about 1500.00 cleared (realistically), my ex makes 5000.00 mo. He just found a job last month.

I will be getting married soon, But my Fiance' will be staying in California until the position at the plant opens for him in March of 2011.
Therefore he will still be paying rent and bills out here, and will be limited in what he can contribute and help me with.

Im assuming if I went to mediation right after I returned, without a job or a place that they wont do anything?

I need child support from my ex, to ensure that I can pay rent and bills. I just dont know what to do.

If I could trust him, I would stay here a bit longer, get some good work experience, and make it easier on all of us financially.

I had even talked with my ex about this, told him that if I did this, I would send him a few hundred dollars a month for the kids. I didn't know he had already put in for a child support review. (the review was denied since he didnt follow the court orders that were agreed upon)

That arrangement would have worked out the best for all of us, financially, now I'm afraid of him trying again to get full custody of the kids, and therefore will be dependant somewhat on him for child support.

Ok, so what do I do.

Can I ask for child support when I return, It's the only way I can afford a place for me and my kids right now, especially if it takes me a month or two to find a job.

Will they not award anything to me because I dont have a home. Ugh the more I think about it, the more angry I get. I have a feeling he will make us go to mediation the second I return, before I can set anything up, and take the kids, and have me paying child support to him. 1500.00 a month, yeah half of that gone, I can forget about ever getting a place for me and my kids. Dammit. I don't know what to do. I cant afford a lawyer, I will barely have enough money to get home.

Im so frustrated, its starting to feel like I spent this 9 months away from my kids for nothing, that it will all backfire on me. Maybe I should have just stayed, and sucked up welfare for a while, at least I wouldn't be worrying about losing my kids now!

 

[army judge]

You could contact a Michigan attorney and try to get a continuance until AFTER you complete the externship.

It'll cost you a few dollars, but it might be better in the long run.

The externship seems as if it will help you get permanent employment.

You could also write a letter to the mediator explaining why you'd like a continuance.

Perhaps, the school could explain how critical the externship is to your job prospects in another letter to the mediator?

Maybe, you could take the externship and return only for the hearing?

It all comes back to the externship.

Tough choice, because without a good job, you can't do well for yourself or your kids.

 

[Proserpina]

A tough choice indeed...because the longer Mom stays in California, the better chance Dad has of actually retaining physical custody permanently.


(It looks like that's certainly what Dad is going to pull if Mom stays away)


I agree with AJ - speak with an attorney in Michigan. Yes, it's going to cost but it'll be worth it.

 

[mscott]

The hardest part is there are too many IF's.

Im ok until extership is finished (its considered part of the program to complete it). It is just unfortunate that I cannot accept a job offer for a few months just to have that experience behind me. Im am being placed in a highly sought after externship for my field, and unfortunately they do not extend out to Michigan.

The IF's are, not knowing how long it will take me to get a job, I will have to get some kind of child support from my ex, at least until my Fiance' is in Michigan, at which point Its less of an issue.

Its possible I will find a job before I even return, but I may not. That's the scary part. I would like to have a home ready when I get back, get my kids back with me, and go to mediation. The risk with that is, if it does take me a couple of months to find a job, my Fiance' will be strained badly financially, trying to keep two households. And honestly it's my ex's responsibility to help support my children.

Can I write a letter to the moderator? Explain the situation. I don't ant snap decisions made here. She did last year when she reduced my ex's child suppoer from 2200.00 to 700.00 mo. I had an apartment for me and my kids, my ex was living rent free as I said for over 2 years. But she reduced it, to the point that I found myself falling behind on bills. My Fiance' boyfriend at the time) did everything he could to help me stay in my apartment, to buy me time to find employment. But it wasn't enough. Even more frustrating was I found out my ex has two side businesses ( I had wondered how he could afford a lawyer when he "had no money") He hired a well known lawyer too, so she wasn't cheap.
But those businesses were hard to prove, he is smart and would have covered his tracks well. I found out about one of the by accident. I believe just by what I found and read that he was likely pulling in 2k a month from one of them.

I'm not one who enjoys all this fighting. I thought many times we had come to agreements, something we both felt was fair, only to find out he was planning something new to get the kids and avoid child support.

There have been several times I could have submitted legitimate complaints, but I chose to try and work it out between us. I know the animosity that can happen from constant fighting. I witnessed it first hand with my parents, and it always hurt me and my brothers.

He on the other hand submits complaints that aren't even true, or highly exhaggerated. I just feel like I have to constantly worry about what he is up to next.

I don't understand why people choose to fight over their children, instead of actually enjoying them. I don't want to fight, I don't want my children to go through what I did as a child.

I just don't understand why people can't realize that compromises can be made that everyone can live with, instead they are bent on their own selfishness, and not thinking about the kids.

I debated trying to get my kids out here in california, because financially its more of a stable situation, but I knew that would be hard on the kids to be away from their dad, so I didn't persue it. I don't submit complaints every time he does something, because it will just escalate, and again the kids will be the ones to suffer in the end.

I wish I could just trust my ex when we agree on something, that he will actually do it, and not be plotting his next move.

 

[mscott]

Another issue is coming up with money for a lawyer. Ill have barely enough to get home.

There is a big part of me that just wants to get home too. I miss my kids terribly. Its been 5 months now since Ive seen them, other than webcam.

 

[Proserpina]

A very wise woman once told me that she wishes people would love their kids more than they hate the ex. I echo that sentiment.

Now, I can tell you that at the moment, you have absolutely no chance of getting the kids with you in Cali unless Dad agrees. And we both know he isn't going to go for that.

And I hate to say it but hon, even if you move back to Michigan there's a good chance that you'll be imputed an income even if you're not working, for the purposes of child support. They'll take into account your potential earnings and could well base the decision on that.

I know you feel like you're stuck - but seriously, you've got some very tough choices to make and frankly even if it means you and your fiance have to work three jobs each to find the money, you NEED an attorney.

 

[mscott]

Im not even considering bringing the kids out here. It was a thought at one time, but I decided it would have been the best financially, but not the best for the kids.

I will have to search for an attorney then. I think I will also try to contact our mediator and explain the situation before my ex tries to pull something else.

Im not worried about them computing my potential income, I would guess right now is at 1500.00 a month while my ex's is at 5000k a month. His potential is actually higher, but that is what he has settled for now.

I have also tried to find calculators that take into consideration our incomes as well as having 50/50 parenting to get an idea of what I might actually get for child support if I am awarded it. I can only find calculators that do not take both parents parenting time into consideration.


In a couple of years, I would love to be at the point where I don't have to worry about child support from my ex, that will most likely finally calm him down. I just can't at this point, just starting out in my field. It will take me a year or two to be making a good income. Once my fiance' is in Michigan our need for support will be much less also, but my ex doesn't seem to realize his actions are what are making me more dependant on needing child support.

If he would relax, and let me finish what I have started, then we could all come out of this with a very livable situation for us all. But now he has me so afraid he will try to take the kids that I have to make hasty decisions with money I don't have yet.

 

[PQN2]

Have you considered doing a long distance parenting plan?

You could get 30-35% of the time with your kids if you are willing to travel:

once a month, you fly to them and stay at your brothers
fly the kids to you on 4 day weekends (Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Presidents Day and Memorial Day) along with half of every Christmas break and all of every spring break and 2/3rds of the summer - that gets you to about 100 nights/year

 

[mscott]

As a temoporary arrangement I have thought of that, but not permenant. Its in my ability, however hard its going to be to keep the kids close to both their parents so I want to do that.

 

[army judge]

As a temoporary arrangement I have thought of that, but not permenant. Its in my ability, however hard its going to be to keep the kids close to both their parents so I want to do that.

People say that money doesn't matter.
Those are rich people, because they have money, lots of money!
For poor people and hard working middle class folks, money is everything.
Without money you can't pay your bills, feed your kids, cure their ills, educate them, clothe them, and let them have a little fun.

Have you spoken with other people that you love and value?
Maybe you have an older relative, a grandmother, an older family friend?
You mentioned your brother, can he spot you a few bucks?

Maybe, you should consider getting yourself together for the next year.
Toward that end, you might have to give your husband "temporary" custody, until July, 2011.
You could get them for a month in the summer, Thanksgiving, and their birthdays, or Mother's Day.
You can decide what days are important to you, and what you can afford.
You'd agree to fly them out to be with you.
You'd agree to pay your share of child support.
You could complete the externship, finish your education, further establish yourself, get a home, and build your career.
That way, you could work, save money, and get ready to regain custody of your children.

By spring of next year, you could hire a lawyer and be ready to get your kids back.
It isn't the best idea, I know.
But, in life we have to sacrifice and give things to get things.