Scorpio0823
New Member
- Jurisdiction
- Pennsylvania
I want to modify my previous order to obtain full primary. I have two kids, one with autism to my ex. We were never married.
I left him about 5-6 yrs ago now. He was VERY abusive and I saved up and got out of there. I had my own place w/ my sister and was taking care of the kids no problem. He took me for custody and got Mon, Tue, wed every week since he always has fought to never have weekends. Barely picked them up on his time.
Long story short I had to leave the apartment I was in cuz my sister decided she didn't want to be there anymore and I couldn't afford it alone. So I went back to his house to try and save up again and get my own place. I HAD to keep them in school so I went back.
Well months go by things get bad. So I leave again. I bounced around so I left them with him since things weren't stable for me. I went thru horrible depression and panic disorder so he took me back and claimed me unfit. I didn't really fight it cuz I knew I wasnt stable. I got myself into extensive therapy m-f and got myself better in no time. I had the kids every weekend.
Fast forward a year later. I have a 3bdrm apartment for the kids. A job. A fiance. Things were going good we have been doing 50/50 ever since. I never went back to take them primarily since they have been in the same schools. I also never modified the order since we are pretty civil.
The problem I'm having is.....He is a bondsman/bounty hunter. He is barely ever home. The days they are with him they are with his wife. My son has autism and has no stability. They are back and forth all the time. If he isn't home, his wife brings them to me on her way to work after they get out of school. Before this it was sitters and his mom. When they come to me, My son is having meltdowns from not seeing his dad. We both see it and he knows but nothing ever changes. I wait and wait thinking it will and it doesn't. So I want to take him back so they can be with me primarily and he just gets them when he can. His schedule is never set and if he gets a call he's leaving. They have to stop what they are doing and he goes. Whether that's drop them off to me quick or them stay with his wife. Its too much especially for an autistic child. I had a really hard time accepting the fact I went from having them all the time to only weekends before this. I didn't have anything when I left him but I knew my kids lives would be better WITHOUT us together. It was really bad and toxic. They witnessed everything.
He was never home when we were together and now its still happening. I don't think its fair to the kids. I work during school hours so I am available for them and I make sure I don't work late in case he needs me. Also, if he isn't home in time or our of state. They stay the night and then he has to pick them up early in the morning to get them to school. Its too much.
I need thoughts and inputs. I don't want to be selfish. I feel bad for taking them and switching their schools but it is so chaotic. Its so unfair to them. My oldest is always upset because his dad is barely home.
Am I wrong for taking them back??? Why do I feel so guilty??? I'm also very nervous cuz he is hard to deal with. He is verrryyyy manipulative. If things aren't HIS way its bad. Please no judgement. I have enough on my plate.
I left him about 5-6 yrs ago now. He was VERY abusive and I saved up and got out of there. I had my own place w/ my sister and was taking care of the kids no problem. He took me for custody and got Mon, Tue, wed every week since he always has fought to never have weekends. Barely picked them up on his time.
Long story short I had to leave the apartment I was in cuz my sister decided she didn't want to be there anymore and I couldn't afford it alone. So I went back to his house to try and save up again and get my own place. I HAD to keep them in school so I went back.
Well months go by things get bad. So I leave again. I bounced around so I left them with him since things weren't stable for me. I went thru horrible depression and panic disorder so he took me back and claimed me unfit. I didn't really fight it cuz I knew I wasnt stable. I got myself into extensive therapy m-f and got myself better in no time. I had the kids every weekend.
Fast forward a year later. I have a 3bdrm apartment for the kids. A job. A fiance. Things were going good we have been doing 50/50 ever since. I never went back to take them primarily since they have been in the same schools. I also never modified the order since we are pretty civil.
The problem I'm having is.....He is a bondsman/bounty hunter. He is barely ever home. The days they are with him they are with his wife. My son has autism and has no stability. They are back and forth all the time. If he isn't home, his wife brings them to me on her way to work after they get out of school. Before this it was sitters and his mom. When they come to me, My son is having meltdowns from not seeing his dad. We both see it and he knows but nothing ever changes. I wait and wait thinking it will and it doesn't. So I want to take him back so they can be with me primarily and he just gets them when he can. His schedule is never set and if he gets a call he's leaving. They have to stop what they are doing and he goes. Whether that's drop them off to me quick or them stay with his wife. Its too much especially for an autistic child. I had a really hard time accepting the fact I went from having them all the time to only weekends before this. I didn't have anything when I left him but I knew my kids lives would be better WITHOUT us together. It was really bad and toxic. They witnessed everything.
He was never home when we were together and now its still happening. I don't think its fair to the kids. I work during school hours so I am available for them and I make sure I don't work late in case he needs me. Also, if he isn't home in time or our of state. They stay the night and then he has to pick them up early in the morning to get them to school. Its too much.
I need thoughts and inputs. I don't want to be selfish. I feel bad for taking them and switching their schools but it is so chaotic. Its so unfair to them. My oldest is always upset because his dad is barely home.
Am I wrong for taking them back??? Why do I feel so guilty??? I'm also very nervous cuz he is hard to deal with. He is verrryyyy manipulative. If things aren't HIS way its bad. Please no judgement. I have enough on my plate.
