Marital issues, Secrete phone call recordings of entire family and threats

H

HopesAlive

New Member
Jurisdiction
Illinois
Hello All,

I am a wife, a mother of 2 (5yo and 3yo) seeking an advice on below family issue.

Short description of the mental torture I am going through.

Husband works at a same job for last 8 years on H1b visa. I started working in 2017(also worked in 2008 for short time to pay for my master's tuition fees). Over the period of 6 years, Husband has sent huge amounts of money(direct transfers, credit card advances, loans etc etc) back to his family at his home country. It has resulted in a huge debt on our family. He forces me to pay for all of my monthly income on our family expenses(to which I dot not have any problem) and does not want to be even asked about his monitory contribution towards his wife and kids. Does not want to be transparent at all about his income and expenses. His family also tortures me on this, saying I should not be questioning his transfers and expenses.

While all this disputes is going on, he fraudulently tried to get my signature on Quitclaim deed for our house which is owned by both of us.

While arguing, various times he has threatened that he has heard/recorded our phone calls(with me n my dad, sister, mother and brother) and knows how I complained about him to my parents. And says, is going to defame us and my entire family for complaining about his and his family's behavior.

Multiple times he has threatened me to leave the house and kids and go back. His family as well does not want me to stay with him.

This has brought us a lot of mental torture to my entire family and has made me a serious patient of respiratory deceases. Visited ER 2 times by myself. He denied accompanying me to ER.

Would really appreciate if I could get with legal advice/opinion in this bad time.

Looking forward to hear back.

Thank you.
H.
 
Legal advice you get from a lawyer. Your husband sounds like a real bastard. You should get a lawyer and file for divorce. If you don't, nothing changes.

Obviously, you should not sign any quitclaim deeds.

The recordings are illegal and inadmissible. See:

https://www.rcfp.org/wp-content/uploads/imported/CANWETAPE.pdf

If he's abusive and you fear domestic violence, get an order of protection that will get him put out of the house then seek possession and support when you file for divorce.
 
Disabled Vet said:
He could be sending money back to support his first wife and kids...... food for thought
Click to expand...

Well. To his brother(incapable I believe from his actions) and his wife and kids to support their lavish lifestyle. We all know this shit. I just avoided explaining this in my original post cause I did not want to post long and long paragraphs. Anyways, just background, the same brother is a so called Dr. who believes, if a patient is not bed ridden, visiting ER by patient (with respiratory health risks) himself/herself alone is not big a deal and the one who prefers indulging in lavish lifestyle on big brothers money and the one who is against my stay with my husband in USA.

My stand of asking to be transparent has became a major block for their monitory transfers which used to happen smoothly before all this debt came into light. And hence the harassment.
 
I'm not understanding one of the things you keep mentioning as if it's something horrible - why is an adult going to the ER alone such a big deal? I've done it myself many times, and I know many others who do it. If you need emergency medical help, you need it, and they are trained to provide it.

You may not want to be there alone, but it's hardly abusive for him not to accompany you. If it were me, and my husband treated me as badly as you say yours treats you, I wouldn't want him there with me, it would probably just stress me out more to have him there!
 
HopesAlive said:
Would really appreciate if I could get with legal advice/opinion in this bad time.

Looking forward to hear back.
Click to expand...


If your spouse is harming you, treating you unkind, failing to honor and respect you; it is time to separate from the person, perhaps divorce the person.

Adults rarely change, don't expect a bad person to suddenly become a better person.

You can't make an adult do the things you desire.

You can leave the person, divorce the person, or suffer more ill treatment.

The choice is yours alone to make.

The ONLY thing the law can do for you is dissolve the marriage.

Some people come to this country bearing the ideas of another culture, society, or beliefs that run contrary to a free society.

You can't change a person's beliefs.

You can remove yourself from toxic people.

If you choose to stay, you're agreeing to be abused, disrespected, mistreated, silenced, minimized, or discounted.

The other person dislikes you as much as you dislike him.
 
cynthiag said:
I'm not understanding one of the things you keep mentioning as if it's something horrible - why is an adult going to the ER alone such a big deal? I've done it myself many times, and I know many others who do it. If you need emergency medical help, you need it, and they are trained to provide it.

You may not want to be there alone, but it's hardly abusive for him not to accompany you. If it were me, and my husband treated me as badly as you say yours treats you, I wouldn't want him there with me, it would probably just stress me out more to have him there!
Click to expand...


Hello cynthiag,

Thank you for your concern. Yes I understand your view. For an adult, Going to ER alone physically may not seem a big deal, especially nowadays when there are multiple means of transportation are easily available. Any adult who have at least their hands feet and mind in proper working order would be able to reach ER by themselves.In fact, a call to 911 would have helped me in better way. Off course, he being physically not accompanying me / present with me in ER did not make any difference. The staff in there took care of it. It's about the psychological support.

Its about the 'absolute apathy' your partner shows when you wake up and mention about heavy breathing and numb brain feelings. Is expecting a genuine concern from your loved one(well, from his view, I doubt if the word 'loved one' applies to me anymore ) about our well being from our partner, too much ? At least, are you all right ? whats wrong ? how u feeling ? too much to expect. It may not be specifically categorized as 'abusive' but it is nothing short of carelessness /negligence.
 
It isn't a matter of right or wrong or some universal standard for spousal behavior. Your expectations for how spouses should handle family finances, interact with family, and what type of emotional support is needed is different. Unless he is holding a gun to your head, he isn't making you do anything. He proposed a situation where the wages he earns largely goes to his family out of country and yours support the household, and you agreed. Whether you liked it or not is a different matter. That's something to work out between the two of you and or with a marriage counselor. There are as many ways to handle household finances as there are households. If you disagree with the way he suggests handling yours, you have as much right as he does to change it. A husband does not "monetarily contribute to his wife and kids" any more than a wife does. There is no legal obligation to support a spouse nor child if you are still married to that spouse. If you divorced he might be obligated to pay child support or spousal support (alimony), but as long as you are married, it's for you two to work out. His family's opinions only carry as much weight as you allow them.

It is unclear how he fraudulently tried to get your signature on the quit claim deed, but sounds like he was unsuccessful. It is likewise unclear how he caused respiratory disease.

Your husband isn't breaking any laws from what you describe. Your choices are to live with it, seek counseling, or divorce.
 

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