getting rid of a restraining order

[precious queen]

Jurisdiction

California

I am trying to figure out a way to get a domestic violence restraining order off of me. My rapist asked for one and was given it. I went over to his house to talk about getting a pregnancy test done with him there. When we were talking, he tried to lift my shirt and I pulled out a knife i had been carrying. He said I tried to kill him. When I went to court, I had a panic attack and was unable to say everything I needed to. I need this off because im not the criminal.

 

[adjusterjack]

A restraining order has nothing to do with whether or not you are a criminal.

It has to do with the court agreeing that you were, and could still be, a danger to the petitioner.

All a restraining order says is stay away which you should have been doing anyway.

Whatever you want from this guy should have been approached with a lawyer.

And you could have gotten a home pregnancy test at a local pharmacy for a few bucks.

Frankly, I think you really went there to provoke a violent confrontation and brought a knife in the hope that you could use it in self defense. No surprise that he was granted a restraining order.

I suggest you resign yourself to obeying it before you end up in jail.

 

[precious queen]

A restraining order has nothing to do with whether or not you are a criminal.

It has to do with the court agreeing that you were, and could still be, a danger to the petitioner.

All a restraining order says is stay away which you should have been doing anyway.

Whatever you want from this guy should have been approached with a lawyer.

And you could have gotten a home pregnancy test at a local pharmacy for a few bucks.

Frankly, I think you really went there to provoke a violent confrontation and brought a knife in the hope that you could use it in self defense. No surprise that he was granted a restraining order.

I suggest you resign yourself to obeying it before you end up in jail.[/Q

A restraining order has nothing to do with whether or not you are a criminal.

It has to do with the court agreeing that you were, and could still be, a danger to the petitioner.

All a restraining order says is stay away which you should have been doing anyway.

Whatever you want from this guy should have been approached with a lawyer.

And you could have gotten a home pregnancy test at a local pharmacy for a few bucks.

Frankly, I think you really went there to provoke a violent confrontation and brought a knife in the hope that you could use it in self defense. No surprise that he was granted a restraining order.

I suggest you resign yourself to obeying it before you end up in jail.

A THERAPIST told me to bring the knife. That was BEFORE the restraininng order. I wanted him THERE to see me take the test.
If I wanted to hurt him, I would have I've been in UFC for years. I don't need a knife.
Honestly if you're just going to give dumb advice don't comment at all.

 

[army judge]

I am trying to figure out a way to get a domestic violence restraining order off of me. My rapist asked for one and was given it. I went over to his house to talk about getting a pregnancy test done with him there. When we were talking, he tried to lift my shirt and I pulled out a knife i had been carrying. He said I tried to kill him. When I went to court, I had a panic attack and was unable to say everything I needed to. I need this off because im not the criminal.

A restraining order doesn't mean you committed a crime.
It simply is a way of keeping two parties apart, as long as both parties honor the order.

I'm sure you don't wish to have any contact with a creature that raped you.
So, simply stay away from the savage creep.
The order means he must also stay away from you, or at least it implies same.

If you need to have a paternity test done, because you believe the rapist may have impregnated you, work with the prosecutor, or the state agency that established paternity and helps collect child support.

A restraining order doesn't mean you can't sue him, or be in the court room at his trial.
It means if you see him in Walmart, you scamper away.
Again, I certainly wouldn't want to be near my rapist in Walmart, or Burger King.

Establishing paternity in CA, hit that sucker in the pocketbook. LEGALLY, get him to pay child support for the next 18 years:
.
.
Parentage/Paternity - paternity_famlaw_selfhelp
.
.
Paternity Opportunity Program (POP)
..
..
The state will also assist you with certain expenses because of the crime you suffered:
.
.
Victim Resources - VCGCB

 

[precious queen]

A restraining order doesn't mean you committed a crime.
It simply is a way of keeping two parties apart, as long as both parties honor the order.

I'm sure you don't wish to have any contact with a creature that raped you.
So, simply stay away from the savage creep.
The order means he must also stay away from you, or at least it implies same.

If you need to have a paternity test done, because you believe the rapist may have impregnated you, work with the prosecutor, or the state agency that established paternity and helps collect child support.

A restraining order doesn't mean you can't sue him, or be in the court room at his trial.
It means if you see him in Walmart, you scamper away.
Again, I certainly wouldn't want to be near my rapist in Walmart, or Burger King.

Establishing paternity in CA, hit that sucker in the pocketbook. LEGALLY, get him to pay child support for the next 18 years:
.
.
Parentage/Paternity - paternity_famlaw_selfhelp
.
.
Paternity Opportunity Program (POP)
..
..
The state will also assist you with certain expenses because of the crime you suffered:
.
.
Victim Resources - VCGCB

Thank you for those resources. I want the restraining order off so that I can join the marines. I have text messages from him after he filed for a restraining order saying I'm an entertainment. this is all a game to him. I don't know if that would work.

 

[army judge]

Thank you for those resources. I want the restraining order off so that I can join the marines. I have text messages from him after he filed for a restraining order saying I'm an entertainment. this is all a game to him. I don't know if that would work.

If he texted you, that's a violation of the order.
I suggest you retain a lawyer, and request he/she bring the unsolicited texts to the attention of the court.

 

[precious queen]

Here's why I'm doubting :
It was shortly after he last raped me. I was traumatized and just kept asking why. I was unaware of the order. He never told me and went to one court date in hopes I wouldn't have a chance to speak.
He didn't just ignore the text I sent like he usually did. He spent the entire night up talking to me. Telling me only good things and telling me if he was staying up for me . Then, he got mad because I started talking to friends for help. He said he never loved me because I would ask for help when he would choke me or repeatedly rape me. He mocked me saying he feared for his life over the phone and told me his mother will throw me In jail Because I won't give her my medical records. He told me im a toy. A man's entertainment. Then he kept saying she loves me so much she stalks me. She tried to kill me. She's a danger to society. A bunch of crap he keeps yelling and keeps spreading lies about me like in sleeping with 18 men.
I've been scared because he's been sharing my address. His family did find me to start harassing me because I reported the rape. Then I find my car tampered with.

 

[leslie82]

If he texted you, that's a violation of the order.
I suggest you retain a lawyer, and request he/she bring the unsolicited texts to the attention of the court.

Since when does the petitioner get charged if they call or contact the respondent? I've just never heard that. When I had the first one the cop on the case said that I could contact him but I was just setting him up for failure if he answered. Not that I wanted to. I suppose it depends on what the order states. Because I just tried to search on this and couldn't find anything about the petitioner gets held in contempt if they contact the respondent. It's stupid. I even read California statute on it and it just talks about the respondent. Just wondering.

 

[leslie82]

Here's why I'm doubting :
It was shortly after he last raped me. I was traumatized and just kept asking why. I was unaware of the order. He never told me and went to one court date in hopes I wouldn't have a chance to speak.
He mocked me saying he feared for his life over the phone and told me his mother will throw me In jail Because I won't give her my medical records. He told me im a toy. A man's entertainment. Then he kept saying she loves me so much she stalks me. She tried to kill me. She's a danger to society. A bunch of crap he hustler yelling and keeps spreading lies about me like in sleeping with 18 men.

If you were unaware of the order, then you can't be convicted of intentionally violating it according o CA law. CA Penal Code 273.6 PC: Violating a Restraining or Protective Order

No wonder he got it issued - since you didn't show up then the judge will usually grant it if the respondent doesn't show up. But I'm confused because you should have been served with it. That's what happened when I filed one on my ex. The sheriff department in the county he was in went to where he was living and served him with the notice of the temporary restraining order and the date and time of the hearing for the final one.

Why do you need to give his mother your medical records? What in the world? He mocked you in court or when he talked to you? This is confusing.

You need to just block him on everything possible. Then he can't mess with you. But you can show the judge that he is contacting you first and that makes it harder for him to have you prosecuted for violating the protection order.

 

[precious queen]

If you were unaware of the order, then you can't be convicted of intentionally violating it according o CA law. CA Penal Code 273.6 PC: Violating a Restraining or Protective Order

No wonder he got it issued - since you didn't show up then the judge will usually grant it if the respondent doesn't show up. But I'm confused because you should have been served with it. That's what happened when I filed one on my ex. The sheriff department in the county he was in went to where he was living and served him with the notice of the temporary restraining order and the date and time of the hearing for the final one.

Why do you need to give his mother your medical records? What in the world? He mocked you in court or when he talked to you? This is confusing.

You need to just block him on everything possible. Then he can't mess with you. But you can show the judge that he is contacting you first and that makes it harder for him to have you prosecuted for violating the protection order.

She demands my medical records to intimidate me and have me thrown into jail. She called me a whore despite her son saying that I was a virgin and had been with no one else before. It was part of my religion to stay a virgin.
He is blocked off of everything now. He mocked me over the phone. This entire thing is a game to him. When I talked to a therapist about himand showed the messages , she said he was a sociopath and a master manipulator.
I want to thank you both for the help so far. I do have a little hope right now.

 

[precious queen]

If you were unaware of the order, then you can't be convicted of intentionally violating it according o CA law. CA Penal Code 273.6 PC: Violating a Restraining or Protective Order

No wonder he got it issued - since you didn't show up then the judge will usually grant it if the respondent doesn't show up. But I'm confused because you should have been served with it. That's what happened when I filed one on my ex. The sheriff department in the county he was in went to where he was living and served him with the notice of the temporary restraining order and the date and time of the hearing for the final one.

Why do you need to give his mother your medical records? What in the world? He mocked you in court or when he talked to you? This is confusing.

You need to just block him on everything possible. Then he can't mess with you. But you can show the judge that he is contacting you first and that makes it harder for him to have you prosecuted for violating the protection order.

She is doing it because she wants to prove it's not her sons.. She called me a whore even though he told her I was a virgin for religious reasons.
He is blocked off of my account. It's mutual friends that tell me even after I say I don't care. They ask me for permission to beat him up
Thank you for the help so far. It's given me a bit of hope.

 

[leslie82]

She demands my medical records to intimidate me and have me thrown into jail. She called me a whore despite her son saying that I was a virgin and had been with no one else before. It was part of my religion to stay a virgin.
He is blocked off of everything now. He mocked me over the phone. This entire thing is a game to him. When I talked to a therapist about himand showed the messages , she said he was a sociopath and a master manipulator.
I want to thank you both for the help so far. I do have a little hope right now.

His mom can't get you thrown in jail. Unless you initiate conversation with him while he has a protection order against you. Why didn't you get an order against him immediately after he raped you?

Just ignore his mom too. Tell your friend to stop telling you stuff or you can't talk to him or her anymore either. They're both just sociopaths it sounds like him and his mom. Don't respond to him. Don't talk to him. Take the texts to court and show he initiated conversations with you (hopefully you didn't take the bait and respond).

 

[precious queen]

His mom can't get you thrown in jail. Unless you initiate conversation with him while he has a protection order against you. Why didn't you get an order against him immediately after he raped you?

Just ignore his mom too. Tell your friend to stop telling you stuff or you can't talk to him or her anymore either. They're both just sociopaths it sounds like him and his mom. Don't respond to him. Don't talk to him. Take the texts to court and show he initiated conversations with you (hopefully you didn't take the bait and respond).

I know she can't. This is the only reason I do have a restraining order on me. He wouldn't have the brains nor the balls to do anything like this by himself.
I was in shock. The last time he raped me he was laughing. I could leave my house for 3 Months.
I never want to pass up the chance to yell at him unfortunately. Like one of his cousins said, he needs to be smacked upside the head with the truth.

 

[leslie82]

So bottomline - take the texts back to court and show the judge that he contacted you despite what he initially said to get the protection order. This is going to make him look bad. I don't know if it will get the protection order lifted but you can try to plead your case to the judge about why you need it lifted, that he is harassing you, etc.

I'm not sure why you didn't get a protection order against HIM first if he raped you. I also don't know why you thought it was a good idea to take a pregnancy test near him. Who cares? He shouldn't be anywhere near a child let alone yours if you are pregnant.

If you're trying to join the military you better hope you are NOT pregnant. Because single parents can't join the military. You would have to give custody to someone else if you were to have a child as a single parent. You can be a single parent AFTER you are already in. But you can't join as a single parent.

 

[cynthiag]

You say the "last" time he raped you...how many times does somebody get to rape you before you finally cut off all contact with them?

You said you were traumatized and asking him why. Why were you even talking to him? Please, use some common sense. If he raped you, and more than once, don't keep going back to ask why, or discuss the issue, or include him when taking a pregnancy test, or anything. Just stay far away from him. Don't continue to allow him to victimize you in any way - physically, mentally, or emotionally.

 

[precious queen]

You say the "last" time he raped you...how many times does somebody get to rape you before you finally cut off all contact with them?

You said you were traumatized and asking him why. Why were you even talking to him? Please, use some common sense. If he raped you, and more than once, don't keep going back to ask why, or discuss the issue, or include him when taking a pregnancy test, or anything. Just stay far away from him. Don't continue to allow him to victimize you in any way - physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Cynthia g please use common sense and realize that this is trauma. You can't accurately predict how you will react. Like I told the person before please don't comment if you have dumb advice. It happened and I need to fix it.

 

[precious queen]

So bottomline - take the texts back to court and show the judge that he contacted you despite what he initially said to get the protection order. This is going to make him look bad. I don't know if it will get the protection order lifted but you can try to plead your case to the judge about why you need it lifted, that he is harassing you, etc.

I'm not sure why you didn't get a protection order against HIM first if he raped you. I also don't know why you thought it was a good idea to take a pregnancy test near him. Who cares? He shouldn't be anywhere near a child let alone yours if you are pregnant.

If you're trying to join the military you better hope you are NOT pregnant. Because single parents can't join the military. You would have to give custody to someone else if you were to have a child as a single parent. You can be a single parent AFTER you are already in. But you can't join as a single parent.

Thank you for your help.
I can't tell you why I acted the way I did. It was a very traumatic event and it would take a REALLY long time for me to explain the effects of rape on my brain and what it did physically. Just know you can throw normal out the window, like my therapist told me.

 

[leslie82]

Thank you for your help.
I can't tell you why I acted the way I did. It was a very traumatic event and it would take a REALLY long time for me to explain the effects of rape on my brain and what it did physically. Just know you can throw normal out the window, like my therapist told me.

Look I can understand you were traumatized. I stayed in an abusive relationship far too long. He hit me three times - one time I was pregnant. All three times he was coming off meth. But no excuse. Yeah I was stupid to stay and I was told that by people and I know that I was stupid.

I don't think I gave you "dumb" advice either. I tried to help you out but if you think it's just dumb then you do what you want. But you won't be able to join the military if you're a single mother. THAT is a fact and I know this because I've been in over 12 years.

 

[ElleMD]

Trauma or not, why in the world would you continue talking to and seeing your rapist?? Just stop. If you are carrying around a weapon, stop that too. No sane person goes to take a pregnancy test with their rapist, then pulls a knife on them. Call it what you want but that is what a judge is going to see and you need to be prepared to explain that. "I was traumatized" isn't going to cut it. It isn't clear if you reported the rape(s) to the police or not, but if you do, it is going to be that much harder to prosecute if you keep voluntarily interacting with this guy and his entire family. It is also going to get YOU in trouble as he obtained a restraining order telling you to stop.

If you were raped, get thee to an actual doctor. Pregnancy isn't your only concern. Get counseling. Block his number, social media accounts, phone number, and that of his family. Stop discussing your medical records with his mother. File a report with the police if you are inclined. Follow the restraining order to the letter.

Forget the military for now. You won't qualify at this point. Maybe down the road, it is possible but you have a long way to go before you sure even consider making such a move. Right now, you are not taking a path that is likely to end with you in any uniform other than a prison uniform. That, is the last thing you need but you need to be smart.

 

[precious queen]

Look I can understand you were traumatized. I stayed in an abusive relationship far too long. He hit me three times - one time I was pregnant. All three times he was coming off meth. But no excuse. Yeah I was stupid to stay and I was told that by people and I know that I was stupid.

I don't think I gave you "dumb" advice either. I tried to help you out but if you think it's just dumb then you do what you want. But you won't be able to join the military if you're a single mother. THAT is a fact and I know this because I've been in over 12 years.

Leslie, the comment for dumb advice didn't even have your name on it. I wouldn't call you stupid because I know how hard it is to walk away. Feelings just don't disappear in a second or there could be feelings of being trapped...etc. there's no excuse for HIM. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's not your fault and you shouldnt be blamed. Everyone should be happy that you're okay now. I tried multiple times to get away from him and people would tell him he would come back and choke me till I blacked out or worse.
I have to get this off of me. He gave me two options before the restraining order went up. 1 ) marry him or 2) he'll convince a judge I'm crazy and to give him full custody. He said the baby is his and I can just leave.
I've just been contemplating abortion or adoption.