- Jurisdiction
- Missouri
Not sure where to go, this one is going to be a bit long…My boyfriend has 3 children and as we start to settle our lives we are looking to start gaining custody of all three children. At this point, we are unsure where to start and if past CPS cases are going to cause more headaches….here is the background:
Our thought has been to start filing for custody with "Child A"; our current roadblock to this has been money for attorneys (which is still an issue but we will make whatever work at this point). From birth to 10 years of age she lived with my boyfriend and mother, but after Child B was born he left the mother (yes, he had a lapse in judgement after this resulting in Child C). After that he got his own home, steady job, insurance coverage for him and Child A and currently Child A has split time between his home and where her mother resides (with her parents, Child A's Maternal Grandparents). We know the environment of that home and it's not stable, there is no rules, constant fighting, drinking, drugs and no time made for Child A to do homework, etc. Child A has expressed verbally that she wants to live with him/us full time and at this point is even willing to change schools going into her freshman year, which is huge for a teenage girl. Recently during a 3 day stay with her mother/maternal grandparents she was allowed to go to a birthday party for a girlfriend to whom my boyfriend has stated to her mother and grandparents that he does not want Child A staying the night with. They ignored and during the overnight party she was caught out past curfew (local curfew laws), when she was caught, by police, she was at a convenient store where two boys in their group were caught stealing 2 six packs of beer. Turns out, Child A, also stole (earlier in the night) 1 beer. As the group was being questioned by police she pulled an officer to the side and admitted what she had done. She knows right from wrong, she's a good kid, straight A's, honors classes, our hearts tell us this was an instance of trying to "impress" friends/boys but we also fear that her mother and her mother's past (drugs, stealing, dishonesty) might be starting to teach her that these things are ok. So, after receiving a summons to appear in Juvenile court with her tomorrow, we are done. We want her out of regular stays with her mother (at least until she gets treatment and a steady, stable life). Problem is, my boyfriend is terrified to do anything. After past experience with Child B and C and CPS – he wants nothing to do with the courts. Part of me can't blame him, I also feel he was treated unfairly during both cases and opinions were formed about him due to his lack of knowledge of the mother's drug use. It seemed the whole time they (my boyfriend and the children's mother) were treated as a pair and could only be successful in regaining custody if the mother succeeded, which will never happen. However, other parts of me try to continue to have some faith and humanity in our court systems.
Child B was born exposed to opiates. My boyfriend was in denial about the mother's drug use for 10 months following Child B was born. He didn't want to face the fact that, she didn't want help, saw no wrong in her actions and to this day lies to the court about doing heroin during pregnancy. She claims doctors gave her opiates all throughout her pregnancy, however, cannot come up with any supporting documentation for that. Child B has long term behavioral issues, my boyfriend attends every therapy session with him, we work with him and his school's (IEP and Daycare), and keep him regularly. However, based on lack of income at the time of the CPS case my boyfriend was unable to get an attorney and eventually had to sign guardianship over to his mother.
Child C, well, other than the fact that the 6 month break my boyfriend and I took resulted in a lapse in decision making = Child C comes up with pretty much the same circumstances as Child B. Only difference, my boyfriend and I had no idea she was pregnant, and once we were told he was born (literally we had no clue until he received a text message picture of Child C with the name of the hospital to go to) and arrived at the hospital, we were told everything was fine. We were told he tested negative for drugs and all was well. Fast forward 2.5 hours after our arrival to the hospital and Child C was being air-lifted to a local children's hospital. Still no information was provided. We rushed to the other hospital and went 2 days before getting answers outside of him inhaling meconium at birth (however our suspicions had been going once a nurse told us she was giving him morphine, I immediately noted the only reason they would do that is to help counter extreme withdraw, however no one would confirm that for days). Queue our despised CPS agent arrives and informs us that Child C was born with 4 different drug classes, some at very high levels indicating she was using up-till the time of birth, and that she was taking custody. My boyfriend was not given any opportunity because he and I wanted a paternity test completed before signing the birth certificate – but we were informed that it was not allowed without a court order OR unless he signed the birth certificate before having the test administered. My boyfriend took two weeks off work and spent every moment at the hospital but, upon discharge, Child C was given to a foster family. Fast forward a bit more and again, due to lack of ability to afford an attorney my boyfriend had to decide between Child C staying in foster care or signing guardianship over to the maternal grandmother. He chose family, right-wrong-or-indifferent, this has allowed us to have 2 regular days a week with him so, we count what blessings we can get.
Another quick fact to keep in mind before the real meat of my question – the mother of all the children currently has 6, yes 6, warrants for her arrest, totaling $25,718.00 in bonds. Ranging from failure to appear for speeding tickets, up to a pending felony for stealing credit cards from a home she was cleaning. On another note as to why CPS and Family Court makes my boyfriend so frustrated, is she had 5-6 of these the ENTIRE time they were going through both Child B and C's CPS/Family Court cases, and was never arrested when appearing in court.
So, my real question? I feel like he/we have a good leg to stand on for filing for custody for Child A, hell, even without an attorney based on her current warrant statuses. But, my boyfriend fears that filing will trigger CPS and he will again be put through hell and he doesn't want his teenage daughter to go through what she has watched him and her brothers go through. Our big reason for filing for custody is so that we can enroll her in school in the district that our home is in, allowing her to ride the bus to and from school (currently she is enrolled in a mutual district, out of compliance with district rules and has to be dropped off and picked up from school) and be able to take vacations together and get her in a safe, secure and stable environment. We might not be rolling in money but we both have stable decent paying jobs, we can offer the love, parenting and ensure all her needs are met. We don't want child support, we don't want to completely deny visitation to the mother or maternal grandparents, we just want to ensure she isn't allowed to be impacted by their environment any further - so no overnights unless we allow or until the mother gets her own home and treatment.
"Child A" 13 yr old girl (14 at the end of July) – no custody agreement, boyfriend is on the birth certificate however, her last name was hyphenated (unsure if the hyphenated last name really makes a difference, the mother swears it means that he has no rights to his daughter and she can call the police on us at any time for having her)
"Child B" 4 yr old boy – CPS took custody and guardianship was given to paternal grandmother; as the mother and child tested positive for opiates drugs at birth
"Child C" 1 yr old boy – CPS took custody and guardianship was given to maternal grandmother; as the mother and child tested positive for multiple drugs at birth
"Child B" 4 yr old boy – CPS took custody and guardianship was given to paternal grandmother; as the mother and child tested positive for opiates drugs at birth
"Child C" 1 yr old boy – CPS took custody and guardianship was given to maternal grandmother; as the mother and child tested positive for multiple drugs at birth
Our thought has been to start filing for custody with "Child A"; our current roadblock to this has been money for attorneys (which is still an issue but we will make whatever work at this point). From birth to 10 years of age she lived with my boyfriend and mother, but after Child B was born he left the mother (yes, he had a lapse in judgement after this resulting in Child C). After that he got his own home, steady job, insurance coverage for him and Child A and currently Child A has split time between his home and where her mother resides (with her parents, Child A's Maternal Grandparents). We know the environment of that home and it's not stable, there is no rules, constant fighting, drinking, drugs and no time made for Child A to do homework, etc. Child A has expressed verbally that she wants to live with him/us full time and at this point is even willing to change schools going into her freshman year, which is huge for a teenage girl. Recently during a 3 day stay with her mother/maternal grandparents she was allowed to go to a birthday party for a girlfriend to whom my boyfriend has stated to her mother and grandparents that he does not want Child A staying the night with. They ignored and during the overnight party she was caught out past curfew (local curfew laws), when she was caught, by police, she was at a convenient store where two boys in their group were caught stealing 2 six packs of beer. Turns out, Child A, also stole (earlier in the night) 1 beer. As the group was being questioned by police she pulled an officer to the side and admitted what she had done. She knows right from wrong, she's a good kid, straight A's, honors classes, our hearts tell us this was an instance of trying to "impress" friends/boys but we also fear that her mother and her mother's past (drugs, stealing, dishonesty) might be starting to teach her that these things are ok. So, after receiving a summons to appear in Juvenile court with her tomorrow, we are done. We want her out of regular stays with her mother (at least until she gets treatment and a steady, stable life). Problem is, my boyfriend is terrified to do anything. After past experience with Child B and C and CPS – he wants nothing to do with the courts. Part of me can't blame him, I also feel he was treated unfairly during both cases and opinions were formed about him due to his lack of knowledge of the mother's drug use. It seemed the whole time they (my boyfriend and the children's mother) were treated as a pair and could only be successful in regaining custody if the mother succeeded, which will never happen. However, other parts of me try to continue to have some faith and humanity in our court systems.
Child B was born exposed to opiates. My boyfriend was in denial about the mother's drug use for 10 months following Child B was born. He didn't want to face the fact that, she didn't want help, saw no wrong in her actions and to this day lies to the court about doing heroin during pregnancy. She claims doctors gave her opiates all throughout her pregnancy, however, cannot come up with any supporting documentation for that. Child B has long term behavioral issues, my boyfriend attends every therapy session with him, we work with him and his school's (IEP and Daycare), and keep him regularly. However, based on lack of income at the time of the CPS case my boyfriend was unable to get an attorney and eventually had to sign guardianship over to his mother.
Child C, well, other than the fact that the 6 month break my boyfriend and I took resulted in a lapse in decision making = Child C comes up with pretty much the same circumstances as Child B. Only difference, my boyfriend and I had no idea she was pregnant, and once we were told he was born (literally we had no clue until he received a text message picture of Child C with the name of the hospital to go to) and arrived at the hospital, we were told everything was fine. We were told he tested negative for drugs and all was well. Fast forward 2.5 hours after our arrival to the hospital and Child C was being air-lifted to a local children's hospital. Still no information was provided. We rushed to the other hospital and went 2 days before getting answers outside of him inhaling meconium at birth (however our suspicions had been going once a nurse told us she was giving him morphine, I immediately noted the only reason they would do that is to help counter extreme withdraw, however no one would confirm that for days). Queue our despised CPS agent arrives and informs us that Child C was born with 4 different drug classes, some at very high levels indicating she was using up-till the time of birth, and that she was taking custody. My boyfriend was not given any opportunity because he and I wanted a paternity test completed before signing the birth certificate – but we were informed that it was not allowed without a court order OR unless he signed the birth certificate before having the test administered. My boyfriend took two weeks off work and spent every moment at the hospital but, upon discharge, Child C was given to a foster family. Fast forward a bit more and again, due to lack of ability to afford an attorney my boyfriend had to decide between Child C staying in foster care or signing guardianship over to the maternal grandmother. He chose family, right-wrong-or-indifferent, this has allowed us to have 2 regular days a week with him so, we count what blessings we can get.
Another quick fact to keep in mind before the real meat of my question – the mother of all the children currently has 6, yes 6, warrants for her arrest, totaling $25,718.00 in bonds. Ranging from failure to appear for speeding tickets, up to a pending felony for stealing credit cards from a home she was cleaning. On another note as to why CPS and Family Court makes my boyfriend so frustrated, is she had 5-6 of these the ENTIRE time they were going through both Child B and C's CPS/Family Court cases, and was never arrested when appearing in court.
So, my real question? I feel like he/we have a good leg to stand on for filing for custody for Child A, hell, even without an attorney based on her current warrant statuses. But, my boyfriend fears that filing will trigger CPS and he will again be put through hell and he doesn't want his teenage daughter to go through what she has watched him and her brothers go through. Our big reason for filing for custody is so that we can enroll her in school in the district that our home is in, allowing her to ride the bus to and from school (currently she is enrolled in a mutual district, out of compliance with district rules and has to be dropped off and picked up from school) and be able to take vacations together and get her in a safe, secure and stable environment. We might not be rolling in money but we both have stable decent paying jobs, we can offer the love, parenting and ensure all her needs are met. We don't want child support, we don't want to completely deny visitation to the mother or maternal grandparents, we just want to ensure she isn't allowed to be impacted by their environment any further - so no overnights unless we allow or until the mother gets her own home and treatment.
- Could filing for custody of Child A trigger another CPS case?
- Could Child A's "sticky-finger" situation be used against us in custody or CPS?
- Could filing for custody without an attorney be successful at this point or should we bite the bullet and find money to allocate? We don't want to go straight into debt because Child B and C we know will require an attorney, so if we have any shot we are willing to take it and fight, she deserves a healthy life.
