Child's name change w/out my consent:(

[icvmom427]

My jurisdiction is: North Carolina

My son's father is a resident of Tennesse and I am a resident of NC. Apparently, in TN when child support is ordered and praternity has been established, they practically let the father decide what the child's last name is. I am his mother and he has had my last name since he was born (he is two yrs old now). His father and I were never married, engaged..ect. We weren't even together throughout the entire pregnancy...I found out two days after we split up. I've spent two years trying to get child support and now when its ordered, his father decides to just change my son's last name. I don't understand how he can do this WITHOUT MY PERMISSION when my son has always lived with me, always had my last name, his father has only seen him maybe 4 or 5 times, and we were never married. I have a hearing coming up next week because I appealed the decision to change my son's last name. Is this a common occurance...does the father usually get to decide the last name no matter what the mother(who has always been the custodial parent) says? Or do I have a legitimate argument against this name change?

 

[jacksgal]

You have right to support and he has rights as well. He sought the right to name change and won. You can if you wish contest this but is this about name or about your trying to remove any connection to Father? Do not allow yourself or Father to use child as tool in your War with Dad.

 

[icvmom427]

I WANT my son to know his father and for his father to be a good parent to him. I'm not at war with him and never wish to be. His father has never shown much concern for him despite my encouragement for just the opposite. I've talked to him over the telephone about the situation. From his point of view, he is angry because I asked for child support and I suppose changing his name is his way of revenge? I don't know and it really doesn't matter. My son is a brilliant child and says his full name already, first middle and last, and has done his since before this issue arose. Without his father being very present and my son living with me, its in my son's best interest for his name to remain as mine. If you don't agree that its in his best interest...please explain why.

 

[jacksgal]

Whether its in child's "best interest" to have your name is an opinion. It matters not. The child can learn his new legal name if he is that smart. I am not taking sides. Don't make that mistake. The Father has rights as do you. He sought to have child he was helping support have his name. As do 90% of al children. Judge agreed. If you can show how its in child's best interest to retain your name instead of Father's have your Lawyer petition court. Whether you agree or not I see it as both of you using name issue as tool in your anger towards each other. Remember the child will likely see and feel the hostility between you two and thats not good for his development.

 

[BayState]

I WANT my son to know his father and for his father to be a good parent to him. I'm not at war with him and never wish to be. His father has never shown much concern for him despite my encouragement for just the opposite. I've talked to him over the telephone about the situation. From his point of view, he is angry because I asked for child support and I suppose changing his name is his way of revenge? I don't know and it really doesn't matter. My son is a brilliant child and says his full name already, first middle and last, and has done his since before this issue arose. Without his father being very present and my son living with me, its in my son's best interest for his name to remain as mine. If you don't agree that its in his best interest...please explain why.

I explained my reasoning on your thread at freeadvice.com

Your brilliant son will learn, with your help, to KNOW his new LEGAL name. The likelihood of you retaining your current name is much less than Dad. This is the reasoning of the courts. And what IF you marry...will you then request your son have a name change to match your new one? And if you divorce and re-marry at some point...Will Junior get another new name??

You really need to understand that you have 16 more years to co-parent with your ex. SIXTEEN! If you don't start understanding that Dad NOW has equal rights to this child and stop fighting a losing battle, you will make your child's life miserable. Think about it. Read a book or two on co-parenting.

 

[ohiogranny]

Bay...have you noticed lately if they don't get the advice they wanted at FA, they come here?

 

[irish223]

Looks like this OP posted here before she got any replies on the other site.

In general though, do you think posters get the advice they want to hear when they come here, after posting elsewhere and getting advice they didn't want to hear there?

 

[ohiogranny]

No, I think they usually get accurate advice here, and it's about the same as they get elsewhere, but I think some shop around. I replied to one the other day who posted at both places. I guess it's okay to get a "second opinion".

I didn't realize this one posted here first.
I'll go back to my corner now...

 

[irish223]

No, I think they usually get accurate advice here, and it's about the same as they get elsewhere, but I think some shop around. I replied to one the other day who posted at both places. I guess it's okay to get a "second opinion".

I wasn't asking because I was offended. I hope it didn't come across that way. Just curious.

I agree that some people forum shop for a better (i.e. more-to-their-liking) reply. I don't think of it as getting a second opinion, because on most sites, they usually get many more that just a second opinion.

 

[Green_Hornet]

.............................................................

 

[ohiogranny]

I don't think of it as getting a second opinion, because on most sites, they usually get many more that just a second opinion.

LOL! No, it's way more than 2!