Hi guys, I was a single mom in my early 30s (now i am married, not to my sons biological father) . When I was in my early 20s (basically 10 years ago) i had a baby with a man who left our country on his tourist visa to go to the u.s. and "work". He was arrested on 2004 or 2005 because the INS knocked on his door (this is from what I have heard) and asked for his papers and he couldn't give any.
We were already in a situation where our relationship wasn't working out, before he left. But he did sign on my sons birth certificate, acknowledging paternity.
Before he got arrested, he emailed me saying he was courting different girls just to get legalized, and I have proof of this. I am a computer professional and I usually keep records of all my emails and pictures, conversations. He is currently married now to a woman who was a sister of the girl he was pursuing/dating (but he got dumped). He married his current wife 1 week before he was to be deported back (in Vegas). He was arrested and was in jail for about 3 months, he kept extending his case and filed for asylum saying someone in his previous country was trying to kidnap him.
During those times I didnt even speak much to my sons biological dad, because he was verbally abusive on Skype and on emails, he would fight me and say "OK, for that, i wont send any more support" leaving me penniless to feed my son during the times I was not yet employed. Again, I have evidence of this on email.
I met my husband on 2008, we got married this year and I moved to California just a few months ago. I have been trying to find a job but because I live in a small town there arent too many good opportunities. By that I mean i need to have a good paying job because my husband and I currently live in his parents house. He has a good job right now but he is currently a temp, and I am looking for a good job as well because I need to be able to pay the mortgage we are planning to get. I also dont have a car yet nor a drivers license (yet) but all of this I can get pretty quickly. I can get a job right now if i didnt care how much it paid, as I am a nurse also and a computer professional.
Anyway to cut the story short, i brought my son here on my fiancee visa. He arrived on "to follow" along with my dad just less than 3 weeks ago. I got here first, about 4 months ago. My parents immigrant visa were also approved just last year so my dad, who is 70, is taking care of my son. We have a good place rented out for him near an elementary school
(just a few steps away from his suburb). The place for him is just a room though, and I have decided to let my son stay there with his grandpa for a while because of the distance of the school to their place is nearer than to my husbands parents place. I also dont want to let my son stay here for a while because the house is already FULL of their relatives (my husbands side). His parents are already itching for us to move out.
My dads place is 3 blocks away from my house, since I dont have a car yet I have to walk there but its not that far.
Anyway my sons biological father has been threatening me with custody lawyers etc even before I got here, it has been roughly horrible for me because I am in no way selfish of my son, and I do not understand why this biological father feel entitled to my son who he hasnt seen in years and only sent 200 dollars a month just last year (maybe to fill up evidence against me in court). When my son got here his biological father was at the airport too, and i have been agreeable to letting my son see his biological father, stay there in their place (he lives with his in laws too) but now the biological is acting all greedy, threatening me and my father that he will tell the welfare officer (his words) that he is worried my son isnt being fed well. My son is healthy and a happy boy..I wish he didnt have to go through this..
My father and I spoke and we know my sons biological father is just using our current situation against us, I mean ..we just got here so we are just starting up slowly..we will get a lawyer soon (here in California). We have not been hostile towards him, its today my dad tried to call him because enrollment is tomorrow for the elementary near my dads place and the biological insists on keeping my son so he can enroll him at the school near their place (which is really far from mine, but we're in the same state.) Biological threatened my father several times today about going to a welfare officer.
Question:
*Does he have more power against us, because I dont have a job and because of the current living situation?
*I am trying to be strong, and I have been trying to avoid talking to him because he yells at me, intimidates me and wags his lawyer at my face (knowing fully I dont have one), can he use my silence against me, in court?
*What can I do right now?
*Am I an unfit mother because I currently dont have a job, because I let my son live with my father in their apartment (which is 3 blocks from mine)? When I get a job my dad will take care of my son, he is 70 and I dont think there are a lot of opportunities for him. When we get a mortgage my dad will live with us and will definitely be the one taking care and looking after my son when I am at work.
Sorry for this long, drawn out story..I didnt know how to explain it without turning it into a mini-novel...but I would appreciate any help.
We were already in a situation where our relationship wasn't working out, before he left. But he did sign on my sons birth certificate, acknowledging paternity.
Before he got arrested, he emailed me saying he was courting different girls just to get legalized, and I have proof of this. I am a computer professional and I usually keep records of all my emails and pictures, conversations. He is currently married now to a woman who was a sister of the girl he was pursuing/dating (but he got dumped). He married his current wife 1 week before he was to be deported back (in Vegas). He was arrested and was in jail for about 3 months, he kept extending his case and filed for asylum saying someone in his previous country was trying to kidnap him.
During those times I didnt even speak much to my sons biological dad, because he was verbally abusive on Skype and on emails, he would fight me and say "OK, for that, i wont send any more support" leaving me penniless to feed my son during the times I was not yet employed. Again, I have evidence of this on email.
I met my husband on 2008, we got married this year and I moved to California just a few months ago. I have been trying to find a job but because I live in a small town there arent too many good opportunities. By that I mean i need to have a good paying job because my husband and I currently live in his parents house. He has a good job right now but he is currently a temp, and I am looking for a good job as well because I need to be able to pay the mortgage we are planning to get. I also dont have a car yet nor a drivers license (yet) but all of this I can get pretty quickly. I can get a job right now if i didnt care how much it paid, as I am a nurse also and a computer professional.
Anyway to cut the story short, i brought my son here on my fiancee visa. He arrived on "to follow" along with my dad just less than 3 weeks ago. I got here first, about 4 months ago. My parents immigrant visa were also approved just last year so my dad, who is 70, is taking care of my son. We have a good place rented out for him near an elementary school
(just a few steps away from his suburb). The place for him is just a room though, and I have decided to let my son stay there with his grandpa for a while because of the distance of the school to their place is nearer than to my husbands parents place. I also dont want to let my son stay here for a while because the house is already FULL of their relatives (my husbands side). His parents are already itching for us to move out.
My dads place is 3 blocks away from my house, since I dont have a car yet I have to walk there but its not that far.
Anyway my sons biological father has been threatening me with custody lawyers etc even before I got here, it has been roughly horrible for me because I am in no way selfish of my son, and I do not understand why this biological father feel entitled to my son who he hasnt seen in years and only sent 200 dollars a month just last year (maybe to fill up evidence against me in court). When my son got here his biological father was at the airport too, and i have been agreeable to letting my son see his biological father, stay there in their place (he lives with his in laws too) but now the biological is acting all greedy, threatening me and my father that he will tell the welfare officer (his words) that he is worried my son isnt being fed well. My son is healthy and a happy boy..I wish he didnt have to go through this..
My father and I spoke and we know my sons biological father is just using our current situation against us, I mean ..we just got here so we are just starting up slowly..we will get a lawyer soon (here in California). We have not been hostile towards him, its today my dad tried to call him because enrollment is tomorrow for the elementary near my dads place and the biological insists on keeping my son so he can enroll him at the school near their place (which is really far from mine, but we're in the same state.) Biological threatened my father several times today about going to a welfare officer.
Question:
*Does he have more power against us, because I dont have a job and because of the current living situation?
*I am trying to be strong, and I have been trying to avoid talking to him because he yells at me, intimidates me and wags his lawyer at my face (knowing fully I dont have one), can he use my silence against me, in court?
*What can I do right now?
*Am I an unfit mother because I currently dont have a job, because I let my son live with my father in their apartment (which is 3 blocks from mine)? When I get a job my dad will take care of my son, he is 70 and I dont think there are a lot of opportunities for him. When we get a mortgage my dad will live with us and will definitely be the one taking care and looking after my son when I am at work.
Sorry for this long, drawn out story..I didnt know how to explain it without turning it into a mini-novel...but I would appreciate any help.
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