Is my custody case good enough?

September 1st of last year my two children were placed with me by Michigan CPS. There was a history of domestic violence in the home and the final straw was my eight year old son calling the police. Their mother was arrested and spent two days in jail. Two days after being released she was rearrested for violating he no contact order and spent the next twenty three days in jail. About two months later she was again arrested for the same reason and spent another few days in jail. Christmas Eve she was in a "snowmobile" accident and was hospitalized for over a week. While in the hospital the case worker went to visit her in the hospital and caught the boyfriend visiting her. During our next court hearing she was questioned about the accident because it had been reported to foster services that it was not a snowmobile accident. She swore that it indeed was a snowmobile accident and gave the names of the people that were present when it happened. The judge in the case basically told her he knew she was lying and nothing the court said or did would keep her away from the boyfriend. About three weeks later I was informed that she had numerous voicemails on her phone where the boyfriend was threatening to kill me, her, her mom, and his own mom. After confronting her about the emails and telling her that I was going to report it to out case worker, she turned the messages over. After a little urging by the case worker she also came clean about the snowmobile accident. It turns out that the boyfriend had thrown her out of a moving truck.

There has been a long history of CPS being involved with her, the last time being because her mom reported that she threatened to kill all five of her kids. My oldest son has had extreme behavioral problems in the past at school and barely passed the second grade. Since being with me, his grades have improved to all A's and B's and has had little behavioral issues. Last year they missed 21 days and were late 33 days. Since being with me they have both missed 4 days and have had no tardies. The school has stated they are behind me as has my childrens court appointed counselor. Foster services has also stated that they would support me in a change of custody. What worries me is that since reporting the "accident" she has seemed to clean up her act. She has stayed away from the boyfriend partially because he is in jail on two felony charges. She currently lives in her uncles basement and is not allowed to see any of her five children outside of DHS. The only thing that she may have on me is that I quit my job as an over the road truck driver so I could be home with the children and I'm on unemployment. She also plans on bringing up that she supplied my home with groceries twice in January and that I can't afford to feed them which is not the case.

Everyone seems to think that I will walk away from this with my children but I can't help but feel anxious about it. She seems too confident and I guess it's giving me doubts. All this being said, should I go ahead with the change of custody or would I be better off accepting her deal of joint custody? Honestly I don't think I could live with the second option but I'm looking for some opinions.

A mother's role is important to a child, but if a mother puts her children at risk than it is better for them to be where they have stability and safety. I am a mother of 5 and LOVE my children unconditionally, yet if I was not able to care for them and bring them up in a secure, loving enviornment, I would hope that someone would step in and take them. Although I couldn't imagine not having my children and I would most likely fight for them, I would know in my heart it was the right thing. I believe if she can make a change and clean her act up then she should be allowed to share in her children's life, but I would give it time before I allowed her joint custody. I believe everyone is entitled to a second chance, but then again you have to question how sincere are her actions and in the long run will the children benifit from her being part of their lives or not? My hat is off to you for stepping up and taking control of the situation. There should be more father's like you in the world! By the way, doubt leave to much room for error and you shouldn't doubt yourself if you truely believe in your heart that you are doing what is best for your family. I was given a second chance and am a better person for it, but I had to work on it and prove that I was capable and willing to do everything in my power for my children and myself. I am now married and my children thrive in a nuclear family that is filled with LOVE, compassion, understanding, security, and GOD! I pray that God gives you his strength and wisdom on the matter and that you babies are HAPPY and HEALTHY!!!! Good job!!!!

There is no way to know how a judge would rule. Forget the doubts and go forward with the petition. Getting a court order for custody and visitation of any kind is better than none at all. In court, you may want to raise the issues that she has / had, however, it is smart to focus more on your positives than her negatives.

I just want to point out that BOTH parents are equally important to children. Having a womb does not make you, innately, a better or more important parent.

I am a single mother of 2.