I am posting more because of my boyfriend then anything for myself simply because I have no control or legal right to proceed with anything for him. Not to mention this all is his responsibility, however, he works a lot and does not have the time to search out this information. Therefore, here I am!
The history... My boyfriend's wife moved from Florida to Oklahoma with their 3 children. At this time they were living seperately, having recently split, but were in contact because of the children. It is my understanding that he had been very unhappy in the relationship for many years. They have been married for 15 years, together for 18 years. They both have a history of cheating on eachother, she has had him put into jail for supposed abuse ( he is a very NONVIOLENT person so this seems a little odd), she is a very violent person herself both towards him and their children. He would spend a lot of time away from home so that he would not have to be around her and would go do things with the kids that she wouldn't want to do just so they could all relax and not have to be 'on eggshells' around her. She does suffer from bipolar disorder and depression and has been diagnosed with PTSD in the past. He is not perfect but tried hard to appease her and her family. He is in the National Guard and did spend over a year away from them while he was in Afganhistan. After they split up we met and have been dating/together since. Unfortunately, we met about 2 weeks after she left for OK so this does not look good.
The situation... after moving to OK with their children his wife was staying with a woman that my boyfriend knew and he sent money to her every week to cover the rent and whatever else she could put it towards. Always sending at least $150.00 a week which was half of his pay. Usually sending between $50-75 more. She finally was able to get moved into a house but it was in a very bad area and had herself, their 3 kids, and soon after moving in 3 additional adults living in a 2 bedroom house. She had several men in and out of the household. The kids were sleeping on the floor, eating standing up, not allowed to sit on the furniture, and later the youngest son (age 6) was sharing a hide-a-bed with a man in his late 40's early 50's that was no relation. After getting her to agree that the kids could come to FL for the summer he went to get them and when he picked them up they had 2 or 3 changes of clothes, all smelling of animal urine (they also had 2 dogs and 2 cats in the house), stained and dirty, they were all infested with headlice, the house was in shambles. This is the way they lived on a regular basis when he was not with the family. They have since said they seldom got fresh fruit or homemade meals. These are just a few of the conditions they were forced to live in.
The now... the kids are staying in FL with us and there is no legal separation, no custody order, no nothing. She willing allowed him to take the children with him. Since she is no longer receiving money from him and her food stamps and medical were closed due to the kids being gone for the summer she is throwing a FIT because the kids have all stated they do not want to return to her. They miss her but don't want to go back. Here the boys share a bedroom (ages 14 and 7) and his daughter has her own room. They bath regularly, have 3 meals a day plus a couple snacks, they have clean clothes and toys they can play with. They keep saying they are spoiled but they finally just have the kinds of things that most kids have. Nothing fancy and nothing out of the ordinary. We live in a tight budget but try to make sure they have fun and the things they need.
I am under the impression that his first steps need to be to file for a legal separation and at least temporary custody so that they are here under legal guidelines. We want to enroll them in school, make sure they are up to date on shots and get them started with Boys & Girls Club or something similar to assist with their social skills. We also want to get them started in counseling to help deal with the changes they are going through with their parents and with the things she has taught them are normal ways to behave. We do live in one house and he and I do not plan on changing that. I have been caring for the kids since they moved here for the summer and will return to work once they start school but only enough to suppliment our income so that I can help at their schools and be home with them when they get out of school.
Any suggestions on what we need to do, how to go about it, and where me might be able to find either free legal help or income based help? Any help or suggestions at all would be much appreciated. Our main concern is that these kids get to grow up in a safe, healthy home and get good educations rather then the lifestyle and indifference they are learning from their mother.
The history... My boyfriend's wife moved from Florida to Oklahoma with their 3 children. At this time they were living seperately, having recently split, but were in contact because of the children. It is my understanding that he had been very unhappy in the relationship for many years. They have been married for 15 years, together for 18 years. They both have a history of cheating on eachother, she has had him put into jail for supposed abuse ( he is a very NONVIOLENT person so this seems a little odd), she is a very violent person herself both towards him and their children. He would spend a lot of time away from home so that he would not have to be around her and would go do things with the kids that she wouldn't want to do just so they could all relax and not have to be 'on eggshells' around her. She does suffer from bipolar disorder and depression and has been diagnosed with PTSD in the past. He is not perfect but tried hard to appease her and her family. He is in the National Guard and did spend over a year away from them while he was in Afganhistan. After they split up we met and have been dating/together since. Unfortunately, we met about 2 weeks after she left for OK so this does not look good.
The situation... after moving to OK with their children his wife was staying with a woman that my boyfriend knew and he sent money to her every week to cover the rent and whatever else she could put it towards. Always sending at least $150.00 a week which was half of his pay. Usually sending between $50-75 more. She finally was able to get moved into a house but it was in a very bad area and had herself, their 3 kids, and soon after moving in 3 additional adults living in a 2 bedroom house. She had several men in and out of the household. The kids were sleeping on the floor, eating standing up, not allowed to sit on the furniture, and later the youngest son (age 6) was sharing a hide-a-bed with a man in his late 40's early 50's that was no relation. After getting her to agree that the kids could come to FL for the summer he went to get them and when he picked them up they had 2 or 3 changes of clothes, all smelling of animal urine (they also had 2 dogs and 2 cats in the house), stained and dirty, they were all infested with headlice, the house was in shambles. This is the way they lived on a regular basis when he was not with the family. They have since said they seldom got fresh fruit or homemade meals. These are just a few of the conditions they were forced to live in.
The now... the kids are staying in FL with us and there is no legal separation, no custody order, no nothing. She willing allowed him to take the children with him. Since she is no longer receiving money from him and her food stamps and medical were closed due to the kids being gone for the summer she is throwing a FIT because the kids have all stated they do not want to return to her. They miss her but don't want to go back. Here the boys share a bedroom (ages 14 and 7) and his daughter has her own room. They bath regularly, have 3 meals a day plus a couple snacks, they have clean clothes and toys they can play with. They keep saying they are spoiled but they finally just have the kinds of things that most kids have. Nothing fancy and nothing out of the ordinary. We live in a tight budget but try to make sure they have fun and the things they need.
I am under the impression that his first steps need to be to file for a legal separation and at least temporary custody so that they are here under legal guidelines. We want to enroll them in school, make sure they are up to date on shots and get them started with Boys & Girls Club or something similar to assist with their social skills. We also want to get them started in counseling to help deal with the changes they are going through with their parents and with the things she has taught them are normal ways to behave. We do live in one house and he and I do not plan on changing that. I have been caring for the kids since they moved here for the summer and will return to work once they start school but only enough to suppliment our income so that I can help at their schools and be home with them when they get out of school.
Any suggestions on what we need to do, how to go about it, and where me might be able to find either free legal help or income based help? Any help or suggestions at all would be much appreciated. Our main concern is that these kids get to grow up in a safe, healthy home and get good educations rather then the lifestyle and indifference they are learning from their mother.