Who may legally pick up from daycare?

[BellydancerMom]

My ex-husband and I share 50/50 custody of our three-year-old son.

I am now in a new relationship and my new partner treats my son as if he were his own. We are also expecting a child of our own in late November. We have no plans to marry at this time, but we consider ourselves a family and have established a loving, comfortable household together.

My partner is on social security disability, so he contributes very little financially to the household. I am a working mom, providing the financial support for our home and family while my partner cooks, cleans and maintains the home. We've planned for him to stay home with the new baby.

My question is this: Can my ex prevent my partner from picking up our son from daycare?

The ex-husband has stated that he will not consent to my partner picking our son up from daycare unless he is able to run a criminal background check on him. Naturally, I want to avoid this. It is true that my partner does have a criminal record from his wild, younger days. (I know, because I ran it myself: Possession of controlled substance/drug paraphernalia, simple assault, harassment and some traffic violations—All between 2002-2004.) But this man has worked VERY HARD to turn his life around. I just think he would try to take my son from me. Please, should I just tell him I'll pick up my son from now on and avoid any problems? Or should I stand my ground based on the fact that my partner is living a clean, respectable life and has already helped me to care for his son over the last 2 years?

Thank you,
BellydancerMom

 

[jacksgal]

Prepare for a battle then. Dad has every right to object to your BF to pick up his child and every right to be concerned about his background

 

[BellydancerMom]

I Agree, But...

This is true that it is his right - As I have the same right. But there's a difference between just being a jerk because you can and being genuinely concerned. BF is a long-haired musician and the ex's suspicions are based soley on BF's appearance!

But legally... What information would my ex require to run a criminal background check without our providing his name and previous address, social security number, etc.?

I forgot to mention that BF and I are expecting our first child this fall. We've been together for two years and he's treated my ex with only respect and has treated our son with love and respect, too.

I would not disrespect my ex's future spouse with such an insulting request. I'd prefer to foster a positive relationship with my son's future step-mother, as that is what is in his best interest. It is his father's responsibility (as it is also mine) to assess every person in his life that comes into contact with our son and keep the harmful ones away.

 

[Duranie]

I agree that dad has the right to be concerned here. It does not matter you are pregnant by this guy, he obviously has a shady background. You can find a lot of criminal backgrounds on court websites anyways by entering in a name. Not sure if Dad will have success in getting a full background report ran. until dad takes you to court to block your BF from picking up the child, there is nothing prohibiting him from doing so unless the courts say no.

 

[cbg]

There is also, however, nothing prohibiting the day care agency from refusing to release the child to anyone but the child's parents. Which means either you or Dad - NOT your bf.

 

[gr8rn]

I don't agree that you should be worried about this. What you do with child when in your custody is not his business,
Unless he can prove that your boyfriend poses an immediate danger to your child, then I think you are in the clear. Your are within your rights to have any adult pick your child up as long as they are on the list at daycare. I would tell him go ahead, check him out then prove how this is a danger to your child. Don't give him any personal information such as SS#, that is never a good idea to give anyone that information. Usually only needs name and date of birth to check him out.

edited to add: your ex has no skeletons in his closet?