Wanting to Relocate My Son from Michigan-What are my chances?

[tmyers1471]

Okay, this is a complicate story, so someone with legal smarts and answers that could point me in the right direction would be appreciated.

My ex and I divorced when our son was 1. I received full physical custody. It remained that way for 8 years. I got my first teaching job in 2005. I was layed off after my first year due to low seniority and budget cuts. I during my first year of teaching and my husband broke his leg. After I was pink-slipped I could NOT find a job in Michigan due to the terrible economy. I made a decision to move to North Carolina so that my husband could have a very important surgery. I was not sure if I would like NC, so my ex and I decided that I would leave me son with him and draw up a "tenative" agreement giving him full physical custody in my absence with long visitations for me on holidays, summers, etc.

I was recalled from layoff status and missed my son terribly. His grades started slipping and he has never really liked living with his dad. I moved back to Michigan. Now I am facing a second layoff. Since my time back I have attained my Master's Degree, which will make me far less marketable than I ever have been in this state. We never "officially" changed the custody order with the courts upon my return, but my son has become used to a joint physical visitation schedule with his dad and myself. I have been offered my dream job of teaching English at a community college in North Carolina. I want to take the job because it will offer nothing but advantageous opportunities for myself and my kids. I am the only one who has ever carried insurance on my son. My ex only works two days a week, and my son HATES living there. My son wants to be with me and says that he would like to relocate with me if I chose to do so. Considering the history just described, what are my chances of getting the Court to allow my son to move with me this time? I have done a great deal of moving, but that is because I am in a career that is in an economic crisis and I have been shuffled around and layed off more than one person could care to count. My ex has been in the same home for a while, but he is not ambitious and can not provide the financial stability and insurance that I can. PLEASE help me!

 

[Proserpina]

If Dad agrees, your chances are excellent.


If Dad does not agree, you will have to convince the court that not only is the move in your son's best interests, but also that the move will not negatively impact Dad's parenting time.

Are you prepared to offer Dad a very generous long distance visitation plan, AND pay for ALL of the costs of transporting kiddo back and forth?

How old is your son, btw?

(sorry, it's not clear)

 

[tmyers1471]

In RE: to Proserpina

Dad will NOT agree. This I know. I would be glad to pay for dad's long-distance parenting time. However, I offered dad that option the first time I moved and he flatly refused. I am always giving in to him. In fact, I am always encouraging my son to try and get used to his dad's "ways" and be positive. My son is 11 and has detested his step mom since he was old enough to know better. I do not agree with the things his dad does and says. I need to move and my son needs a break from his dad, but his dad is going to use his home, his church, and his family as a reason for my son to stay. My son hates going to church because dad and step mom have allowed everyone in their household to be baptized EXCEPT my son. Their reasoning? They tell me and my son that he lies too much and needs to start acting more like a Christian man before he has the right to be baptized. He has watched his younger brother and sister get baptized, but he is "too bad."

 

[Proserpina]

Dad will NOT agree. This I know. I would be glad to pay for dad's long-distance parenting time. However, I offered dad that option the first time I moved and he flatly refused. I am always giving in to him. In fact, I am always encouraging my son to try and get used to his dad's "ways" and be positive. My son is 11 and has detested his step mom since he was old enough to know better. I do not agree with the things his dad does and says. I need to move and my son needs a break from his dad, but his dad is going to use his home, his church, and his family as a reason for my son to stay. My son hates going to church because dad and step mom have allowed everyone in their household to be baptized EXCEPT my son. Their reasoning? They tell me and my son that he lies too much and needs to start acting more like a Christian man before he has the right to be baptized. He has watched his younger brother and sister get baptized, but he is "too bad."

Unfortunately for you, at 11 your son's wishes are likely to hold little - if any - sway if this goes to court.

What you've said here basically boils down to a difference in parenting styles.

I'm sorry, but based upon what you've written here today I cannot see a judge approving the relocation of your son.

 

[jharris352]

I wouldn't emphasize that insurance so much. You may be leaving your son with your ex AND providing insurance. Having physical custody of him isn't necessary to be responsible for the insurance. As Pro says: You better hope your Ex is ok with it. You have no right to separate your child from his father. Any economic benefit you can give him can be given from afar as well as when he is with you. Parenting time with Dad can't. You should be careful about downing your ex, especially if you do it around your son.

You should encourage your son to be nice and good to his step mother. I know that is a lot to ask, but it would be better for all concerned. An 11 year olds wishes carry very little weight and truthfully they shouldn't. They might just make a decision based upon what friend is there or how lax you are on him. 11 year olds make poorly supported decision.

As for you, you put your ex down emphasizing the mediocre and not the good. I know that is normal and I'm not being that hard on you, but it won't fly in front of a judge. If you want to move away you can go. You just can't take your son with you.