Visitation

[agirl74]

My daughter's father is now demanding she come out to see him. He lives out of state, and has only had contact with her once as an infant. His contact with her is erratic, maybe a letter or two throughout the year. He feels she is old enough to fly alone (she is almost 9). He also felt she was old enough to fly alone at age 2. He also demands that I pay half of her travel expenses.
Our daughter is scared and terrified of going to see him by herself. She is worried he is going to be mad and actually became physically sick when he mentioned her flying out there. He is a complete stranger to her despite the fact he is her biological father. He has also remarried and I know nothing about his wife (i.e. her personality, etc). I worry that she may not be kind to our daughter.
Would the courts force her to go out to see him even though it scares her as bad as it does? I would much rather accompany her on the flight and stay at a hotel so she can have time with him, but he won't go for that.

 

[irish223]

My daughter's father is now demanding she come out to see him. He lives out of state, and has only had contact with her once as an infant. His contact with her is erratic, maybe a letter or two throughout the year. He feels she is old enough to fly alone (she is almost 9). He also felt she was old enough to fly alone at age 2. He also demands that I pay half of her travel expenses.
Our daughter is scared and terrified of going to see him by herself. She is worried he is going to be mad and actually became physically sick when he mentioned her flying out there. He is a complete stranger to her despite the fact he is her biological father. He has also remarried and I know nothing about his wife (i.e. her personality, etc). I worry that she may not be kind to our daughter.
Would the courts force her to go out to see him even though it scares her as bad as it does? I would much rather accompany her on the flight and stay at a hotel so she can have time with him, but he won't go for that.

Were you married to him previously? If so, was he granted visitation in the divorce decree? How long ago? If not, has paternity been established? Does he pay support? Is there a court order for visitation? If so, how old is it?

If there was never any order for visitation, then you are not obligated to allow visitation.

If there is an order, but it's old, then you should request a modification. Since she hasn't seen him in so many years, the court would likely order a phased-in visitation so that your daughter can get to know her father before any extended visitation. If you moved away from her father, then you may be responsible for some of the transportation costs.

 

[Duranie]

First of all is there an order for visitation? If there is you must send the child. The child is old enough to fly by themsef, and most airlines have policies that are followed for unaccompanied minors.

As far as who pays for the ticket, who moved? If you are the one that moved, you are expected to pay half for transportation. If he was one the one that moved, you should not have to pay for anything.

As far as his wife goes, she has nothing to do with this, so your concerns are not valid there. He does not need your approval of her.

 

[irish223]

The child is 9 years old and doesn't know her father. He only saw her once as an infant. Apparently, the only contact has been a few letters over the past 9 years.

IMO... If all this is true, and if there is a visitation order, then it is not in the child's best interest to fly to her father's for an extended visitation. Mom should get a lawyer to have the order modified.

 

[agirl74]

He pays support. We were never married, and there is currently no order in place. Paternity was established. He moved away prior to her birth.

 

[irish223]

In that case, he may file with the court for visitation if he is serious about establishing a relationship with your daughter. Until then, you do not have to send your daughter to visit him.

Good luck.

 

[agirl74]

The child is 9 years old and doesn't know her father. He only saw her once as an infant. Apparently, the only contact has been a few letters over the past 9 years.

IMO... If all this is true, and if there is a visitation order, then it is not in the child's best interest to fly to her father's for an extended visitation. Mom should get a lawyer to have the order modified.

There is no order in place, we were never married but paternity was established. He does pay child support (court ordered). He moved away prior to her birth (actually I didn't know at the time I was pregnant when he moved out of state).
His contact is hit and miss. It averages anywhere from six to nine months. It has gotten to the point now that I am arguing with our daughter about her writing him. Her response is "Why? He doesn't bother to write me." Which I tell her is not right to say, but in my mind I think it's kind of true. It's worse now because she is scared he's mad at her and will force her to go out there.
I'm all for her seeing him, but she doesn't want to go without me. He's not willing to allow me to accompany her, so I am not sure what to do.

 

[irish223]

He's not willing to allow me to accompany her, so I am not sure what to do.

That's not really his decision to make. He doesn't have to pay your fare, but he can't prevent you from traveling with her. He cannot force her to visit, and he cannot force her to stay overnight at his home.

If I were you, I would initiate a visitation order to spell out your obligations.