Violation of Parenting Plan

Your wife sounds very manipulative, if you ask me.

 

The Gilbert & Sullivan Opera, "Pirates of Penzance" contained a song called "Policeman's Song"



Which could also apply to many (maybe ALL) who choose to become stepparents.

As if parenting a biological or adopted child isn't the toughest job on the planet, stepparents step into the same abyss without the legal advantages and rights that legal guardians and/or "bio" or adoptive parents enjoy.

I salute all stepparents who willingly take on this difficult and legally undefined task.

Hang in there, because your efforts often succeed with the child(ren) and their mother or father!

It would be easy to substitute "policeman" with "stepparent" to describe just how hard most stepparents work.

As with our constabulary, stepparents, yours is an important undertaking; as well as an often unappreciated one, too!

POLICEMAN'S SONG
From the Gilbert & Sullivan opera "Pirates of Penzance" (1879) (*)
(William Schwenk Gilbert / Sir Arthur Sullivan)

Danny Kaye


WHEN A FELON'S NOT ENGAGED IN HIS EMPLOYMENT (his employment)
OR MATURING HIS FELONIOUS LITTLE PLANS (little plans)
HIS CAPACITY FOR INNOCENT ENJOYMENT (-cent enjoyment)
IS JUST AS GREAT AS ANY HONEST MAN'S (honest mans)

OUR FEELINGS WE WITH DIFFICULTY SMOTHER (-culty smother)
WHEN CONSTABULARY DUTY'S TO BE DONE (to be done)
AH, TAKE ONE CONSIDERATION WITH ANOTHER (with another)
A POLICEMAN'S LOT IS NOT A HAPPY ONE

AHHH
WHEN CONSTABULARY DUTY'S TO BE DONE, TO BE DONE,
A POLICEMAN'S LOT IS NOT A HAPPY ONE.

WHEN THE ENTERPRISING BURGLARS NOT A'BURGLING (not a'burgling)
WHEN THE CUT THROAT ISN'T OCCUPIED IN CRIME (-pied in crime)
HE LOVES TO HEAR THE LITTLE BROOK A'GURGLING (brook a'gurgling)
AND LISTEN TO THE MERRY VILLAGE CHIME (village chime)

WHEN THE COSTER'S FINISHED JUMPING ON HIS MOTHER (on his mother)
HE LOVES TO LIE A'BASKING IN THE SUN (in the sun)
AH, TAKE ONE CONSIDERATION WITH ANOTHER (with another)
A POLICEMAN'S LOT IS NOT A HAPPY ONE

AHHH
WHEN CONSTABULARY DUTY'S TO BE DONE, TO BE DONE,
A POLICEMAN'S LOT IS NOT A HAPPY ONE (happy one).


(Contributed by Philip Graves)
(*) (Additional info by Cordelia Croth - January 2005)

 

If your wife fell and broke her arm so badly that the bone was protruding, would you agree that she needs to have her injury tended to by a medical professional? If yes, are you a medical professional? If no, then she would need to see an outside professional. Would your suggestion that she do so mean that you don't care?

 

So you're the stepfather? You need to tread lightly. I'm serious. I was a stepparent and it's a fine line you have to balance as a stepparent especially with custody issues.

I get it. I did the same thing you did at a point when my ex's first ex wife was seriously in contempt using lack of child support against visitation. I even went and talked to a lawyer - and then she got pretty nervous about it. But ultimately, that was not my job to do that. It was my then husband's job to look into a lawyer because stepparents legally are strangers to kids. We can't legally do anything when it comes to custody. He should have been the one fighting - not me. I ended up paying child support because I wanted to see the kids too and he was too lazy to get a job to pay it himself or do anything about it.

I should have told him "Here's the lawyer - go talk to him." I shouldn't have done it all for him.

If she can't even handle this (your wife) that's a problem. It's pretty simple - abide by the parenting plan and divorce decree. If she doesn't like it SHE needs to go to court to modify it.

But - did she give him notification at least 7 days prior to going out of state?

Is she blocking phone calls during his time to talk to the child?

 

But she still is supposed to provide an itinerary and contact information during travel.

 

I didn't say otherwise. I just pointed out that she's not going to get "in trouble" for a one-time last-minute violation. Of course, if there is a pattern of violations of this nature, then it may be more problematic, but it doesn't sound as if there is.

 

Interestingly, the only portion of the order that mom violated while traveling out of state was not providing an itinerary. "Contact information" is largely irrelevant in the modern day because cell phones work almost anywhere. Dad's already got mom's phone number (contact information).
A word on an "itinerary": An itinerary is a plan. I can plan to travel from here to Arizona, then New Mexico, the Texas, then back to California, but then change my plans 5 minutes after I enter the car to begin the trip. An itinerary is useless when given ahead of time. What if mom didn't even "plan" to leave 7 days prior to the trip? The parenting plan needs to be modified to reflect reality. It needs to be less vague.

 

The family law attorneys I know claim parenting plans can never accomplish formally what mom and pop can't agree upon informally.

Divorce often secretes an invisible, bitter poison that thwarts cooperation between the divorced parties.

 

Yes, I can see that. It didn't seem appropriate to "like" the content of your post, as it is a sad thing.