Urgent ..Change in Circumstance

[alleygilly]

]I have shared custody of my 14 yr old daughter established through family court 9 years ago. Unfortunately at that time her father was deemed the more fit parent and was named custodial/residential. We made it work for a while until we couldn't get along anymore or agree on discipline. My daughter's stepmother and her did not get along from day one and as she got older it became worse. Her stepmother has thrown her out of their home numerous times, telling her that she was not welcome back & the most recent incident caused my daughter to stay at my home permanently. She has been living with me full time for a year in Nov and has little of a relationship left with her father. He has taken trips and gone on family outings without inviting her and pretty much moved on without blinking an eye. I have been the only one financially supporting her and paying for all sports, school activities, etc, along with her everyday needs. I have never denied her father's requests to see her and now I just feel very sorry for my daughter who feels like he chose his wife and other children over her. What can I do now? Do I look to gain custody or residential over change in circumstance? I want her to feel like she is an important & permanent part of this family being I am also remarried with younger kids. I know she's happier and stable in my home so is there any chance for me in getting things changed?

 

[jacksgal]

If she is and has been there for this long what would change? In other words what do you seek to gain out fo this? I ask because whatever the reason courts sided with him last time might still apply and you could in effect be forced to return her there. So what would you gain by such a request?

 

[Proserpina]

Mom, you now have status quo.

File in court to modify the order based upon kiddo having lived with you for the past year. Even if Dad puts up a fight, he's not likely to win.

I do not agree that you would be forced to return her to Dad unless there was actually a real question of your fitness as a parent. Evidently Dad doesn't think you're unfit, so that's unlikely to be an issue.

 

[alleygilly]

At the time of the custody arrangement there wasn't much that influenced the judge to name him residential other than a recently purchased town home. They deemed him better fit because he made more money and seemed more established. That was 9 yrs ago and we are financially sound now with a business,home,etc. We are happy to have her living us and I do realize that at anytime her father may change his mind and she & I may be required by law to return to the original custody arrangement. I'm not looking to gain anything for myself more than I am trying to find out what are my options being we know she is unhappy and feels uncomfortable there because she's been told she's not wanted or welcome there so many times. Her father never stuck up for her and allowed his wife to make the decisions regarding his child. Isn't it supposed to be in the best interest of the child?

 

[Proserpina]

In light of this, I doubt Dad can really fight you on custody. File immediately for a modification based upon kiddo living with you.

Even if he changes his mind and demands her back tonight - and you're right, you'd have to comply with that at least in the short term - you still have a very, very good chance at obtaining the modification. The courts like status quo - and she's been living with you for a year.