two fold question re: visitation/child support

[katlowe]

Hello,
I have a very complicated issue here. I relocated to Missouri from Wiscosin and failed to write a letter to the courts stating that I intended to move based on a verbal agreement with my ex husband and although we agreed that the move was acceptable and the ex husband stated that summer visitation was obviously going to work out best.

Since that time in November he has not seen his daughter but has since we started making the plans to come up this summer for the past four months verbally harrassing both my daughter who is 15 almost 16 years old now and trying to obtain her child support for the summer as he claims he will be paying child support twice if she doesn't have full access to it. We both have denied that he needs access to funds that are rightfully my daughters and he has now threatened court action because I did not send the letter of relocation to the courts when I should have and my daughter now refuses to speak to him on the phone because in the midst of the last call with him he asked if I wanted him to sign off on her then.

I am pretty sure that he does not really want to lose his daughter over less than $300 a month in child support but I cannot let this man force my child to move from where she is very happy and has alot of new friends and is doing extremely well in school as well as socially blossoming.

The school staff have even noted the changes in my daughter since we moved here and over half the staff is willing to write letters on her behalf stating the changes they each personally noted.

My daughter has also refused to go to Wisconsin for the summer months. Can she refuse at the age of 15 years almost 16 or do I have to force her to go?

What do I do here to maintain what is left of a tattered relationship between my daughter and her father and still protect her and keep us where she is doing so well?

Any advice would surely be appreciated.

 

[Duranie]

You might want to see an attorney but if Dad has not taken you to court, there is not much you can do but wait and see.
Since you moved though, it is only fair that you provide transportation to visits. That is likely what the courts will order if this goes to court.

So I am not really sure what your question is in this, but Dad has to pay support and you need to be more than fair with visits since you are the one that moved. You probably will have to file an updated visitation order in the courts, but the state you moved from likely has jurisdiction.

 

[katlowe]

Well I have no intention of seeking court action unless absolutely necessary either and do not wish to see him more financially destitute than he already is since his son was born in December 2007.

I know that is where all of this child support obssession is stemming from but it's not my childs fault as I keep telling him that he had another child and is financially strapped.

I completely agree that I am the one that moved and should definately be the one that pays for all transportation costs and I should be the one that takes her to his door step with no half way route meet up point as someone just recently suggested to me. I moved two states away of course I should be the one that makes the physical effort.

My problem is really trying not to be so over protective of my child and letting her become part of the problem by refusing to see her father at all. That is absolutely not fair to him in any way.

I am not intending to deny him any kind of visitation at all. My child is refusing to go period. I need to know what the age of consent is that a child can actually do that in the state of Wisconsin since that is where the jurisdiction is in this case.

I am trying to teach my daughter that no matter how mad she may be she cannot be a part of the problem but rather a part of the solution or learn to remain as neutral as possible and I am really not making much for head way on that one but she did call her father under duress tonight.

I don't have the foggiest idea how to file for an updated visitation schedule other than to have him and I both type up a notorized letter that states we agree to summer visitations which is the verbal agreement we have and during her winter break which she gets a full two weeks off of school we agreed that since she didn't see him at christmas last year she definately goes this year.

Until this past four months we have always been able to just do things verbally without involving the courts and now I find myself between a rock and a hard place because he suddenly decided based on what I will never truely know that he is getting screwed.

My insight into this situation if I step back and take a look at it from his point of view would be that he finally regrets not spending the time he could have with his daughter before now and since his son was born in December and now sees what he lost in time and the relationship itself. Neither of his children live with him and he definately chose to spend time with his son vs his daughter on a weekly basis and maybe now the whole thing just came and hit him full force in between the eyes and he is taking it out on us. I don't know but I guess if I were in his shoes I would feel robbed of time too.

My other issue is how to get my daughter to call him more often. She is so wrapped up in her own little world she "forgets" he needs to hear her voice and what is going on in her life. The connection between the two of them has been slowly but surely disintegrating over the past couple of years and watching it happen is heart breaking when they used to be joined at the hip and she was his little grease monkey. Now they are total strangers for the most part and I feel they both need to work on that or they won't have a productive adult to adult relationship.

I guess I am just venting here. Sorry about that.