sleepless nights

[distraut]

11 years ago.i had a one night stand with a person i knew.3 weeks after that i was raped.Later I found out that i was pregnant.so natural i assumed it was from the rape.after she was born,i ran in to the guy that i had the one night stand with. He said she was his,but didnt sound or act like he was even remotly being serious.and then didnt hear from him again.I still thought at that point that it was from the rape.I kept my baby because she is a part of me and i love her.5 years ago i married a wonderful man,he loves both the kids as if they were truly his.when we got togather ,we talked alot,and agreed that when she was 18 , she would be able to understand,and at that time we would set down and talk to her about it.2 years ago,i was going through a bunch of things,i ran across the papers of my pregnacy,i had kept all of them.as i looked through them,things didnt seem to really add up ,so i got to counting back.and i realized i had made a huge mistake.that my daughters father was the man i had the one night stand with.Since i had not seen or heard from him in years.I assumed that if he knew or really thought that she was his,one he would have acted serious about it,and would have let me know that he wanted to be a part of her life.since he didnt,i assumed that he must not have wanted that responsiblity.Hubby and i talked things over and decided that we would still wait til she was 18 and talk to her , letting her know ,that i had made this mistake.A few days ago i ran in to him at a store.He did ask me how she was doing and i told him she was going though a really hard time right now,that we had resently lost my dad ,who for ten years was a main figure in her life and her best friend.he said he was sorry to hear about that,and that i needed to tell my daughter that he was her father right now.For 10 years he never bother ,now suddenly out of the blue,he pops up,at the worst time in her life,and wants me to add more mental stress on my child.I my self was put through this same thing at around her age.As her parents , my husband and i agree she does need to know the truth,but not at this time in her life,when she is in the middle of a already mentally stressing time.Plus not to mention the horrid effect it will put out family and marriage through.is there anything legal ,i can do to keep him from tearing our lives apart now, when he could have done something about it 10 years ago ,but didnt bother to.If i had known years ago or even thought she was his,i would have told him so.What legally can i do or not do.I really need some help here.

 

[Duranie]

This man has no rights whatsoever since paternity was not established. Personally I would just stop talking to him. What is it exactly that he wants? Unless he takes you to court, just ignore him. If there is no legal father for the child, I suppose this man can file a paternity action at any time.

For now stop worrying. If he established paternity, he'll be paying child support. I'm sure he doesn't want to pay on a child he doesn't know.