slander and attacked reputation

[alexinca]

i dated a guy for a short time period, ( im in high school) after the first week he started asking for sex and that made me uncomfortable and frusterated so i got the guts to finally break up with him shortly after that. he's the kind of guy who's proud of how many girls he has scored with, and I never really knew that until i started dating him and hearing about it. he has a very high ego, he thinks hes good at everything, and above everyone, he tries to be some1 hes not (just telling you a little what his personality is like) after i broke up with him he was sweet with it after like one day n then once people started to figure out that we were separated he started telling people that he broke up with me, that i got tag teamed(raped by a group of guys), that i was probably sick from the tag team n thats why he didnt want to have sex with me (which contradicts the fact he asked me for sex) and also that we had sex( which also contradicts all the fact he said he didnt want to have sex with me because I was probably sick as i could have an std or whatever) he trashed me out to every1 he knows, and he is popular so he knows a lot, and most of the school thinks that all of those rumors are true. You can tell that his lies are all over since they contradict) this is my proof when i tell people everything is not true about me. I cant go anywhere without people gossiping about me n calling me a h** or a s*** and many other very insulting names. my rep is badly hurt, and im harassed everyday due to my damaged reputation of the rumors he had spread about me and for all i know he has said i wouldn't be surprised if there is more. id say about half of my school or more knows about these rumors and and gossip about me and they insult me and trash me on the daily basis. I have confronted him many times about this but there is no end he denies it every time when i have proof, he is assassinating my character and my emotional burden is very heavy, because of the mocking and verbal bullying i have bad anxiety and i am depressed and very stressed. because of this issue i fear of going to school everyday, i am in summer school now and he carried the whole slander game over to summer school as well, where i am harassed n gossiped about everyday by a big group of his friends who intimidate me. in a couple months he will be 18 years old.
people dont want to be friends with me that "knew" what happend to me, im mocked and badly hurt, its very verbally abusive, there is really no way to stop him ive confronted him many times, and people think im trashy n disgusting, and none of these are true, we never had sex or messed around or anything n in fact im a germaphobe n i didnt even hold his hand once while we went out. theres no way out of this i really need him to stop n he wont, these rumors keep spreading farther n farther, what he says is very influential to everyone becasue he is what you call popular and he uses that for intimidation, slander has spread all over the school and i dread school everyday..please help me this may sound very stupid but its very deep and hurtful and it has been going on for several months but i just now found out i could take leghal actions. also i am 16 years old

 

[CdwJava]

Taking LEGAL action can be expensive and is by no means certain. The courts cannot change people's opinions of you even if you were able to identify a cause of action and actually succeed in getting an injunction to prevent him from talking about you. A lawsuit costs money and is about money. Your parents would have to consult attorneys to look into the matter and they would have to advise as to the strength of any case and how much it might cost to even consider pursuing it (think $10,000 on the low end), and consider that this guy's family may not be able to pay any award and attorney's fees if you win. Now, if you report this to the school and they fail to take action, the school might be held partially accountable and that means deeper pockets .. but, it might also mean a bigger and more costly court fight.

If he is still gossiping and the like, you might first try speaking with a school counselor or administrator. The school has the ability to discipline students who make life uncomfortable for other students by bullying them or harassing them. They can possibly speak to the most serious perpetrators to try and get them to chill out ... but, that might also backfire on you because those people might find other ways to harass you as they will be angry about getting into trouble.

I wish there was some magic means of wiping all of this away, but there is not. There may not be any legal action that can be pursued here, and even if there is, it won't be cheap. The sad fact is that you might have to either tough it out, or look into transferring to anther school. There is no legal miracle to make all the hurt go away, or to make things right again.

If you are not already in counseling, you might want to look into that. And speak to your parents. Maybe they can help you get some therapy, or even be willing to consult some attorneys to see if the specific facts of your case MIGHT merit some form of legal action. The key will be in the facts that can be proven, and that can often be a very tall order when we're talking about high school gossip.

 

[alexinca]

thank you very much! i was also wondering if a restraining order could also be used or some kind of agreement he will not commit slander or anything like that against me? like an agreement? and if he breaks the restraining order or the agreement can further actions be taken??

 

[mightymoose]

You will not get a restraining order over this, and you would need your parents to get it anyway.
Without some physical abuse or threat of violence a restraining order is pretty much off the table.

School counselor is probably the way to go.

 

[KatDini]

Trust me. In ten years, none of this will matter.

 

[CdwJava]

thank you very much! i was also wondering if a restraining order could also be used or some kind of agreement he will not commit slander or anything like that against me? like an agreement? and if he breaks the restraining order or the agreement can further actions be taken??

As MM stated, a TRO is not likely absent some fear for your safety or act of domestic violence. In theory, however, a DV TRO can issue for harassment (FC 6320 et seq), but it would be incumbent upon you to prove that a pattern of harassment exists and that the actions were intentional and done in order to harass you. Not impossible, but, not easy, either. If this is an avenue your parents would like to pursue, they would be beast served by speaking to an attorney with some experience in these matters of teen bullying and dating harassment as some courts may be more amenable to issuing orders for intentionally harassing behavior than others.