My situation is so messy I dont know where to start. I am a single mother of a 4 month old boy. The father was never supportive throughout the pregnancy and finally left me at nine months pregnant for another girl ( he is still dating). That does not bother me anymore. He never called me to inquire on my well being or the childs. Even on the day I went into labor he started a fight with me in the delivery 'cause I called a friend whom he didnt like. I asked him to leave 'cause I didnt need the harassment and the arguing during labor. He did and told I was going to be sorry. I asked the nurse to pls. not let him in. So he resents me for not being there at the birth of his son. That is the first fight. After my son was born he called my room and began the name calling and insisted and said that i better give the baby his first, middle and last name. Of course this was an ideal choice when things were good, but after his lack of support and neglect it didnt feel right to give a child someone's name because of his father's pride. So I gave my son the name I had always wanted. After this is when all the verbal abuse began. The father did not want to sign the paternity form unless the child had his name and I refused to do that. (there are a lot of things this man did to me and it has nothing to do with the girlfriend).
So the father never called to ask how his son was doing for two weeks. I called him and tried to make peace and thought that when he saw his child he would reconsider and calm down but it did not work.
The father has only seen his son a total of 4 times. My son was born on 5/2 and the last time he saw him was 5/28. After a heated fight about changing the name the father left a VM telling me not to go near him or call him. I did just that. Mind you, he is divorced w/two little girls and knows of the challenges of having a child. Till this day he has not purchased anything before or after my son was born. I heard from him on 6/23 after a night of being out with friends. He left a VM saying that I cannot go and try to insult his girlfriend. Apparently she worked at the place I was at. I had no idea.
And that was that. Then I never heard from him again. I was still in CT, and at the time was living not even two blocks from where he lived w/my son. He never made any attempt to contact me or have someone else do it. He was also very much aware that I was not receiving any type of maternity leave compensation from my job. Of course I could have taken him to court but for what his spoke that he was not interested in the well --being of my son. It was all an ego thing about his name.
So I thought hard and long and decided to move where the cost of living was lower and I could make it as a single mother. SO I am here in PA. I moved out here on 7/9 and began my job on 7/11. My mother came out here w/ me for a few weeks to help with my son. He was too little I thought for daycare but I could not let the opportunity of my job go by. And still the father who never claimed paternity had not spoken to me since May. I am very much content w/my move. I have met up again with an old flame who supports me and for what it seems accepts my son. In any case, on 8/8/05 I get a VM from the father telling me I missed a court date. I have hired a lawyer and now it seems that he is looking for Jt custody, visitation and a paternity test. I know he is the father and he does too. I guess he justifies not doing much for the baby by saying he has doubts that is why he doesnt pay or inquire about him.
Now, we went to court on 9/7 of course my lawyer represented and told them that I am out of state and that ppwk was not served correctly therefore the case should be dismissed. The judge agreed and we need to go back on 9/21. In the meantime I have been told by friends that the father is telling everyone in my hometown that I kidnapped his son. That all he has ever wanted was to see him. That at first he thought it wasnt his and now he thinks it is. He has called me an alcoholic and all these spiteful names. The reasons I left was because he shut me down from all the bars (he is bouncer). and that if I come back I am going to have to answer not just to him but his friends. Come on I left for a peace of mind and to be able to support myself. Give my child a good place to live things I could not give and do in CT. Plus how much time do I have for the bars with a 4 month old. Just because he does it and is a part-time father to his other 2 kids doesnt mean I do the same.
I know this is long but i just want to know if anyone out there has been put in a situation where a child's name is in a problem. I dont think he can force me to change. Plus he has been absent from his life. He had every opportunity while I was in CT to try and see him but he didnt. The only reason why he is doing this now is because he lost control.
Does anyone know if I can a psycological test done on him? if it ever comes to visitation I will never feel comfortable leaving my son with him.
--PA mom
So the father never called to ask how his son was doing for two weeks. I called him and tried to make peace and thought that when he saw his child he would reconsider and calm down but it did not work.
The father has only seen his son a total of 4 times. My son was born on 5/2 and the last time he saw him was 5/28. After a heated fight about changing the name the father left a VM telling me not to go near him or call him. I did just that. Mind you, he is divorced w/two little girls and knows of the challenges of having a child. Till this day he has not purchased anything before or after my son was born. I heard from him on 6/23 after a night of being out with friends. He left a VM saying that I cannot go and try to insult his girlfriend. Apparently she worked at the place I was at. I had no idea.
And that was that. Then I never heard from him again. I was still in CT, and at the time was living not even two blocks from where he lived w/my son. He never made any attempt to contact me or have someone else do it. He was also very much aware that I was not receiving any type of maternity leave compensation from my job. Of course I could have taken him to court but for what his spoke that he was not interested in the well --being of my son. It was all an ego thing about his name.
So I thought hard and long and decided to move where the cost of living was lower and I could make it as a single mother. SO I am here in PA. I moved out here on 7/9 and began my job on 7/11. My mother came out here w/ me for a few weeks to help with my son. He was too little I thought for daycare but I could not let the opportunity of my job go by. And still the father who never claimed paternity had not spoken to me since May. I am very much content w/my move. I have met up again with an old flame who supports me and for what it seems accepts my son. In any case, on 8/8/05 I get a VM from the father telling me I missed a court date. I have hired a lawyer and now it seems that he is looking for Jt custody, visitation and a paternity test. I know he is the father and he does too. I guess he justifies not doing much for the baby by saying he has doubts that is why he doesnt pay or inquire about him.
Now, we went to court on 9/7 of course my lawyer represented and told them that I am out of state and that ppwk was not served correctly therefore the case should be dismissed. The judge agreed and we need to go back on 9/21. In the meantime I have been told by friends that the father is telling everyone in my hometown that I kidnapped his son. That all he has ever wanted was to see him. That at first he thought it wasnt his and now he thinks it is. He has called me an alcoholic and all these spiteful names. The reasons I left was because he shut me down from all the bars (he is bouncer). and that if I come back I am going to have to answer not just to him but his friends. Come on I left for a peace of mind and to be able to support myself. Give my child a good place to live things I could not give and do in CT. Plus how much time do I have for the bars with a 4 month old. Just because he does it and is a part-time father to his other 2 kids doesnt mean I do the same.
I know this is long but i just want to know if anyone out there has been put in a situation where a child's name is in a problem. I dont think he can force me to change. Plus he has been absent from his life. He had every opportunity while I was in CT to try and see him but he didnt. The only reason why he is doing this now is because he lost control.
Does anyone know if I can a psycological test done on him? if it ever comes to visitation I will never feel comfortable leaving my son with him.
--PA mom
