POA / Stechild

[ToughLove]

I am stepmother to husbands 10yr old son for 7 years. Mom is not in the picture. She has visitation but only comes around once every 2-3 years to see him. She is mentally disabled and due to hospitalizations cannot make most visits so my husband extends the visitation orders even though court says he doesn't have to and accomodates around illnesses in order for them to have some type of relationship. The question I have is my husband and I are under the impression that with a POA, I can take my stepson to doctors appts, sign him up for football, attend parent teacher night when husband can't get out of work...is this so? Does mom have to give consent to this? She has made it very clear she wants me to have absolutely no legal rights over her son. How do other stepparents deal with this situation, legally? When will courts join the rest of the world in understanding that blended families need to be tended to legally instead of just ignored and thrown out of court?