Please Someone Help

[Dopey559]

OK so here is whats going on. My wife's ex has not been in his sons life for 12 years. He refused to sign the birth certificate at the hospital and did not want to be daddy. Her son does not know he is his father...another man whom i know well stepped in 12yrs ago and was that boys father, (and to this day still is there for him and even gives my wife money for him). And her son knows this man as his dad and loves him so much. Now after 12yrs. the biological father wants rights and visitations, and joint custody. He also wants to tell this boy that he is his dad. Which is fine we have no problems with that. But we want her son to have the daddy he has had for his entire life. What can we do? I would l;love to adopt my stepson but i don't know what i can do. I feel that this man has been gone for 12yrs and should have no rights what so ever. Am i being stubborn about this or is there something we can do to help our boy?

 

[Proserpina]

OK so here is whats going on. My wife's ex has not been in his sons life for 12 years. He refused to sign the birth certificate at the hospital and did not want to be daddy. Her son does not know he is his father...another man whom i know well stepped in 12yrs ago and was that boys father, (and to this day still is there for him and even gives my wife money for him).

Please advise Mom to get this child into counseling as soon as possible - and while this is not legal advice, he should never have been allowed to think someone else was his father

And her son knows this man as his dad and loves him so much. Now after 12yrs. the biological father wants rights and visitations, and joint custody. He also wants to tell this boy that he is his dad. Which is fine we have no problems with that. But we want her son to have the daddy he has had for his entire life. What can we do? I would l;love to adopt my stepson but i don't know what i can do. I feel that this man has been gone for 12yrs and should have no rights what so ever. Am i being stubborn about this or is there something we can do to help our boy?

First, there's something you need to realize. You're not a legal party to the matter at all - by all means help Mom research, but for the sake of everyone involved here do NOT try to a) push Dad out of the picture or b) overstep your role as step-parent. I understand that you love kiddo but being a step-parent basically means we (because I'm one too!) get to love them, cherish them and know when to keep our noses out of things

Second, yes, he has every right to petition the courts for visitation/joint custody. Mom has the right to file for child support. If Dad is successful, visitation will probably start of very gradually with a period of re-introduction (possibly supervised). But eventually - all being well - Dad will get overnights and longer periods (such as a couple of weeks in the summer, etc).

Advise your wife to seek an attorney.

 

[Duranie]

Dad actually has every right to pursue vists with the child and it is unlikely a court will prevent it. Paternity will likely have to be established first.