Online "Boyfriend" Threatens Me If I Leave Him

A

anonoymous

New Member
Jurisdiction
Maryland
I met someone online about 2 years ago. I'm in the US and he's in Canada. We've been talking ever since, we even talked about meeting each other. After getting to know him better, I found he has a very dark side that scares me, he acts insane at times and mentally unstable. This isn't a person that I want to continue to talk to or be with. He's found out too much about me overtime, which is my fault. He's found out where I live, my parents names, our telephone number, where my myself and my mother work, and her work number. I made the mistake of trusting him and liking him. When I met him I was in a lonely place in my life. I had no friends, no one to talk to, I never had a boyfriend, no job, I was taking hardly any college classes, and never thought about my future. Since then I've gotten a job, I'm a full time college student, I've made friends through work, and I'm thinking more about my future and where I want to be. I don't want to be in an "online relationship", especially with someone who is controlling, verbally abusive, threatening, and manipulative. I've found my voice and I speak up for myself now more than ever, and he doesn't like that. For about the last year, I haven't felt right about talking to him or being with him. We argue and fight a lot, each time it gets worse and I leave him only to return. He pulls me back in, making me feel guilty about leaving him. I made the mistake of trusting him and sending him nude photos of myself, my face was not in them. To hear him complimenting me made me feel good and to be honest I didn't really think about it coming back to haunt me. These last few times that we've fought, when I've tried to leave him he would start threatening to post my pictures and call my house to tell my parents about the past 2 years and my photos. He's also threatened to kill himself, ruin my life, show up on my doorstep, and has said that if I leave him he will hurt me. I told him before that if he posts my photos or calls my house, that I will file charges for blackmailing, revenge porn, online harassment, and extortion against him. He told me that I wouldn't know when or where he would post them. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. This has gotten so far out of control. I have anxiety and depression, and since going through this my depression has gotten a lot worse. All I do is cry. I feel trapped and scared. I feel like if I leave my life and possibly even my parents life will be in danger. I don't feel safe, I can't sleep, I get paranoid about every phone call, knock on the door, and creak that I hear. I would feel embarrassed to go to a police station or talk to a lawyer or even my parents about such a situation, I would want to remain anonymous too. I don't even know though how to go about this since he is in another country. I feel like if I went ahead with anything, it might make him want to get more revenge on me and become even more bitter. I did screenshot a few of the threats and messages, but not all as I only started searching for help within the past few weeks and screenshotting the conversation came up in a lot of the answers. Thanks for any advice and help.
 
If you're not willing to talk to the police or a lawyer or even your parents, exactly what is it that you think a message board can do?
 
anonoymous said:
I met someone online about 2 years ago. I'm in the US and he's in Canada. We've been talking ever since, we even talked about meeting each other. After getting to know him better, I found he has a very dark side that scares me, he acts insane at times and mentally unstable. This isn't a person that I want to continue to talk to or be with. He's found out too much about me overtime, which is my fault. He's found out where I live, my parents names, our telephone number, where my myself and my mother work, and her work number. I made the mistake of trusting him and liking him. When I met him I was in a lonely place in my life. I had no friends, no one to talk to, I never had a boyfriend, no job, I was taking hardly any college classes, and never thought about my future. Since then I've gotten a job, I'm a full time college student, I've made friends through work, and I'm thinking more about my future and where I want to be. I don't want to be in an "online relationship", especially with someone who is controlling, verbally abusive, threatening, and manipulative. I've found my voice and I speak up for myself now more than ever, and he doesn't like that. For about the last year, I haven't felt right about talking to him or being with him. We argue and fight a lot, each time it gets worse and I leave him only to return. He pulls me back in, making me feel guilty about leaving him. I made the mistake of trusting him and sending him nude photos of myself, my face was not in them. To hear him complimenting me made me feel good and to be honest I didn't really think about it coming back to haunt me. These last few times that we've fought, when I've tried to leave him he would start threatening to post my pictures and call my house to tell my parents about the past 2 years and my photos. He's also threatened to kill himself, ruin my life, show up on my doorstep, and has said that if I leave him he will hurt me. I told him before that if he posts my photos or calls my house, that I will file charges for blackmailing, revenge porn, online harassment, and extortion against him. He told me that I wouldn't know when or where he would post them. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. This has gotten so far out of control. I have anxiety and depression, and since going through this my depression has gotten a lot worse. All I do is cry. I feel trapped and scared. I feel like if I leave my life and possibly even my parents life will be in danger. I don't feel safe, I can't sleep, I get paranoid about every phone call, knock on the door, and creak that I hear. I would feel embarrassed to go to a police station or talk to a lawyer or even my parents about such a situation, I would want to remain anonymous too. I don't even know though how to go about this since he is in another country. I feel like if I went ahead with anything, it might make him want to get more revenge on me and become even more bitter. I did screenshot a few of the threats and messages, but not all as I only started searching for help within the past few weeks and screenshotting the conversation came up in a lot of the answers. Thanks for any advice and help.
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You want to end it, end it.
That means you change your email, your cell number, and don't return to the previous conversation site.

In two years, the bum hasn't left the basement in his mother's 40 year old mobile home.
Creeps like that don't work.
Heck, for all you knw HE could be a SHE.
Have you ever watched the MTV show, Catfish?
Whatever IT is, stop worrying about what IT does.

So, IT posts some headless body shots.

So what?

STOP feeding the bear.

You've rebuilt your life.
Bully for you.
Enjoy your new, great life absent the unknown critter.
 
cbg said:
If you're not willing to talk to the police or a lawyer or even your parents, exactly what is it that you think a message board can do?
Click to expand...
I have told my mother, she just thinks that he is threatening me in order to get my attention, a reaction, and make me stay with him, and that I need to block him and cut off all contact with him. I will talk to a lawyer and police if need be. I just don't know when to do so. I do not want anyone to find out about this as I'm ashamed and embarrassed. If legal action is taken I wouldn't want my name to be in a public police report, legal records, or anything like that. I've read numerous answers to other questions saying that the police wouldn't be able to do anything as I was the one that sent them, I can't file any charges unless he does do something, etc. But like he said I won't know when he posts them, if he does, or where he posts them to. He is in Canada though, so I'm not sure what could be done. I need advice on how to go about everything. Hopefully this makes better sense.
 
army judge said:
You want to end it, end it.
That means you change your email, your cell number, and don't return to the previous conversation site.

In two years, the bum hasn't left the basement in his mother's 40 year old mobile home.
Creeps like that don't work.
Heck, for all you knw HE could be a SHE.
Have you ever watched the MTV show, Catfish?
Whatever IT is, stop worrying about what IT does.

So, he posts some headless body shots.

So what?

STOP feeding the bear.

You've rebuilt your life.
Bully for you.
Enjoy your new, great life absent the unknown critter.
Click to expand...
First, I'd like to say thank you for your response. I think I'm more worried about what if "IT" posts my name along with my address or any other personal information with my photos. I don't want to have to spend everyday searching for my name to see if they acted on their threats. "IT" also said they were going to ruin my life and hurt me if I leave, maybe I'm overreacting and just need to move on, but it makes me very paranoid like this person is out to get me. In their eyes, if they aren't happy, then why should I be happy. I'm also concerned about "IT" calling my house or where I or my mother works, trying to ruin my life or even hers. I don't want anyone that I work with or my mother works with to find out. I also don't want my father to find out. Is there any legal action that I could take if something does happen? Or am I out of luck in a situation like this, since I chose to send the photos?
 
anonoymous said:
First, I'd like to say thank you for your response. I think I'm more worried about what if "IT" posts my name along with my address or any other personal information with my photos. I don't want to have to spend everyday searching for my name to see if they acted on their threats. "IT" also said they were going to ruin my life and hurt me if I leave, maybe I'm overreacting and just need to move on, but it makes me very paranoid like this person is out to get me. In their eyes, if they aren't happy, then why should I be happy. I'm also concerned about "IT" calling my house or where I or my mother works, trying to ruin my life or even hers. I don't want anyone that I work with or my mother works with to find out. I also don't want my father to find out. Is there any legal action that I could take if something does happen? Or am I out of luck in a situation like this, since I chose to send the photos?
Click to expand...


Don't allow anyone or ANYTHING to control you.

You can't unring the bell.

You CAN ignore the noise.

You CAN be free, or remain a prisoner of a figment of someone's imagination.

As I said, so what if it posts your name?

There are over 7,000,000,000 people alive on this planet.

I doubt if anyone would notice what some loser living in mummy's basement posts, says, or does.
Besides, only you and loser know for sure.

Time to shut this madness down.

You've changed for the better.

Let it go. Just don't ever do it again.
 
Nobody will give you the advice to stay with him or to keep talking to him.
It's not the right move.
You really only have 1 option and that's to cut all ties with him, change your email/phone numbers/ etc..... And BLOCK him on anything that can be blocked.
Keep all the evidence and anything else he might somehow send you as well.

Forget about the internet, I've never seen a single person I knew in real life on any porn forum or website and I've seen a lot lol.
Even if he would release them to a site, the chances of your co-workers happening to actually visit that site is pretty limited in my opinion.

Cut all ties with him, Truly is the only play here for you.
 
You really dont have a legal issue (yet) but you do have a relationship issue. the link in my signature will take you to a Parenting and relationship forum hosted by this site. There you can find others who may have had similar situations. They can advise you on how they dealt with their issues.
 
You need to immediately stop all contact with him. You said he has threatened to kill himself if you leave him. That might just be talk & no one can make anyone else kill himself/herself. It's that person's decision.
 
Look, he isn't even in the same country as you. The chances of him hopping a plane and coming to see you are slim to none. Cut off contact. That means not reading emails, texts, social media posts, etc. Change your phone number and email. Stop going to sites where he hangs out. Get thee to your school's counseling center and start seeing a counselor. Trust me they have seen it and heard it before.

Anyone interested in your home address or where your mom works, or where you go to school can find out pretty easily. Threatening to post what is already available to anyone with google and an internet connection is hardly a threat. Even if he were to post it someplace, who in Canada would care?
 

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