No Rules? Could no rules be neglect?

[RebeccaLM]

Jurisdiction

Mississippi

My 15 year old daughter recently moved in with her father.it is my understanding that at the age of 13 they can decide what parent they want to live with. I do not agree with her dating going out with friends having sleep overs body piercings. She is my forth kid. Same rules apply to all. 15 year old and 13 uear old went to there fathers for the summer. My daughter wanted to move in. She now has her no pierced which is illegal in Ms anyway. But she is now pregnant. My 13 year old informed me that his dad allowed her to have a boyfriend. Allowed for him to have sex with her and now he has" enrolled her in home school" which basically means allowed her to be a 9th grade drop out. Can this be neglect? This is not in my daughters best interest

 

[cbg]

Your understanding is incorrect. The age at which a child can decide which parent to live with is 18, and in some states older (the age of majority). In a custody hearing, a judge MAY (or may not) take an older teen's wishes into consideration but those wishes are not binding on the court.

Is there court ordered custody, and if so, to which parent?

 

[leslie82]

My 15 year old daughter recently moved in with her father.it is my understanding that at the age of 13 they can decide what parent they want to live with. I do not agree with her dating going out with friends having sleep overs body piercings. She is my forth kid. Same rules apply to all. 15 year old and 13 uear old went to there fathers for the summer. My daughter wanted to move in. She now has her no pierced which is illegal in Ms anyway. But she is now pregnant. My 13 year old informed me that his dad allowed her to have a boyfriend. Allowed for him to have sex with her and now he has" enrolled her in home school" which basically means allowed her to be a 9th grade drop out. Can this be neglect? This is not in my daughters best interest

No - sometimes if custody is disputed a judge might listen to the wishes of a teenager. But if you have custody and you're willingly letting your daughter live with her father that's on you. You don't have to let her live there and if he wants custody he has to go to court for it. If you have had custody and he's been paying child support, he still has to pay child support even if she lives with him unless he modifies the order.

Not having rules or not disciplining your kids is not neglect. It's bad parenting. It's not neglect.

It's also not illegal for a minor to get a piercing if a parent or guardian consents to it if they are under 18. "Tattooing and Body Piercing of a Minor. It is unlawful for anyone to tattoo or pierce a minor under age 18 without the consent of the minor's parent or legal custodian, who must accompany them to the procedure." He's a parent. He consented. It's shitty he went against your rules but it's not illegal.

Allowed her to have sex? Was he in the room when they had sex? Otherwise I doubt he allowed it. He may have been relaxed in his discipline and set up the scenario for her to have sex and get pregnant but I very highly doubt he encouraged her to have sex.

Who has custody? Does he have any legal custody? If not he can't make decisions like schooling if you have sole custody. If there is joint legal or physical - you might want to go to court and modify it.

It's unfortunate your daughter is pregnant at 15 but she has options. That's up to her to make those options though. Also realize you will have NO legal rights to her child if she chooses to continue the pregnancy and give birth. The potential father can and she has rights - you and your ex have none over that child if it's born.

 

[mightymoose]

You can make a report to child services. They will investigate the living situation, the circumstances of her pregnancy (they will also likely generate a police investigation too), and the status of any existing court orders.
Whether she is living with you or dad they will ensure she is in a safe place and they will continue to follow up due to the pregnancy.
If you don't have an existing custody order you needed one immediately. If you do have one you need to enforce it. Have a copy on hand and try to get local law enforcement to help if you meet resistance to the court order.

 

[zddoodah]

it is my understanding that at the age of 13 they can decide what parent they want to live with.

Children "can decide what . . . they want" at any age. At the age of 8, a child can "decide [that he] wants" to live at Disneyland. At the age of 10, a child can "decide [that she] wants" a pony. However, as is the case with adults, children often don't get what they want.

Where a child lives is determined by his/her parents and/or the courts. Starting around the age of 12-13 (depending on the child's demonstrated maturity level), courts will give some consideration to what the child wants when making a determination regarding physical custody. However, the child does not get the final say until he/she reaches the age of majority (21 in Mississippi).

I do not agree with her dating going out with friends having sleep overs body piercings.

Any piercing isn't legally possible without parental consent, and you could probably get the court to order that neither parent may consent to any piercing without the other parent's consent. You might get an order prohibiting unsupervised dating, but I can't conceive that any court would enter an order that prohibits a child from going out with friends or having sleepovers.

She now has her no pierced which is illegal in Ms anyway.

No it isn't.

But she is now pregnant.

Which child? I was about to write that a 13-year old could only get pregnant as a result of forcible or statutory rape. However, leave it to Mississippi to have a law that makes sex with a 13-year old legal (albeit only if the other party is less than 24 months older).

My 13 year old informed me that his dad allowed her to have a boyfriend. Allowed for him to have sex with her and now he has" enrolled her in home school" which basically means allowed her to be a 9th grade drop out. Can this be neglect? This is not in my daughters best interest

Home schooling is common and legal, and there's nothing wrong with young teens having boyfriends/girlfriends. I have to question what "[a]llowed for him to have sex with her" means exactly, and the answer to that obviously influences the answer to your question about neglect.

In any event, and while you didn't tell us what your divorce decree or custody order says about who has physical custody, you are obviously free to seek to enforce or modify the decree/order, and I suggest that you consult with a local attorney about this.

 

[ElleMD]

Home school is not a drop out. Being allowed to date, have sleep overs, and go out with friends are all perfectly normal 15 year old behavior. Heck, those things are normal for a 13 year old. Being overly restrictive can backfire just as being overly permissive. Kids who are not taught to engage in normal social interaction tend to run into problems when granted freedom. It may be that a socially repressed, pregnant 15 year old would be better served by being home schooled. You need to discuss it with your ex and figure out what is best for the child.

You need to follow the current custody order. If that order no longer works, file to modify it. Just be aware that a judge may view your rules as the ones which are unreasonable.