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Need help in determining if there's anything illegal in this. Criminal Law

Discussion in 'Immigration Issues' started by jacklantern, Sep 5, 2010.

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  1. jacklantern

    jacklantern Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Hello,
    My wife is a stay-home mom who arrived from Russia 3 years ago. She's still learning English and didn't have chance to work in the US because she got pregnant soon after arrival. She's a legal resident (green card holder.) Since I was the only worker for the family, and we don't have any relatives in the US to help (I was also born in Russia, and am a naturalized citizen) she wanted to bring some additional income to the family. In April, I found an ad in Craigslist that a man called Mike is looking for a female Russian tutor. She was excited by this idea, even if it was to pay $15/hr. I myself wrote an email to the man introducing my wife. Soon they arranged the first phone call to talk about details. My wife was going to start giving him lessons in September, and they agreed to talk sometimes on the phone until then. First, he called in my presence, though I saw that my wife's face was becoming happy: she told me that he praises her English, voice, and says that he is willing to meet even if she comes with our son, but not with husband. I felt at once something suspicious about it and asked if she would like to stop this opportunity. She replied she just wants to earn some money for the family. Next, she went into complete secrecy about talking to Mke. I discovered everything in August, and up until recently she refused to tell me the truth. What happened was that they started talking on the phone more and more often. He called several times a day. He employed praising, sweet talk and a bit of pressure every time to affect my wife's emotions. She was becoming emotionally attached to him. Very quickly, already in June, he started saying that he didn't care about tutoring anymore and would like a relationship. My wife refused this advance and reminded him that she considers him just a work opportunity, a friend at best. I need to say that throughout this ordeal my wife was becoming more and more distant from me and that, of course, bothered me. We started to have conflicts in the family. Now I know that he helped in that. Once she noticed that a man in a car was watching her when she was returning from the morning walk with our son. Next time, she saw that man again when she returned from the walk unusually early. Mike knew her schedule (as well as mine: she kept informing him on everything) and usually called her at the time she came back. This time, when she arrived an hour earlier after seeing the man in a car near our house, he called right away. She is quite sure that the man in a car might have been an observer for Mike. It wasn't Mike because she met him later. Beginning from that call, Mike started saying "I love you" and started pressuring her to say the same words in return. He started sending her gifts and money. He also started convincing my wife that all the arguments she's having with me at the moment was domestic abuse. He insisted that she called a domestic violence hotline and he taught her key words to ask. My wife obeyed him and called that hotline where they confirmed this was a domestic abuse. I have to say that I did not abuse her, but I did become angry about her alienation and obnoxious behavior. Next, Mike started pressuring her to consider a divorce and escaping to a shelter where he would pick her up. She almost did that when I found out about their emotional affair. In the beginning of August, he finally talked her into meeting him which she did secretely again. From her words, this was the only meeting they had and nothing serious happened. However, after that meeting Mike increased pressure on her (which already started scaring her) to start seeing each other regularly and to become more than "just friends." This became more in a commanding tone: "Dress up, leave your house and come to meet me!" He provided her with a cell phone that she kept hidden from me. When I discovered the fact of my wife doing all this, I went back to craigslist and found out that Mike was giving this ad weekly, looking for Russian/Ukranian female tutors/translators, and many women already were complaining about his unnatural interest in their personal lives. I also found out that in June he gave an ad about recruiting Russian women for the ADULT CLUB promotion, and another ad running until recently (all his ads have been removed by now, either by craigslist or by himself) about recruiting girls 18-25 for a modelling agency, whom he would provide a free ticket to come to New York City even from another country. The girls were supposed to desire to do some hard modelling, and the deadline is September 28.
    Now, that my wife told me everything (I hope), my question is, from this information I provided, can I suspect that this man (Mike) was trying to do something illegal (including what he did with my wife)? Should I file a police report? Should I be worried about what may happen next? (My wife answered his last call asking him not to call her anymore; presumably he doesn't).
    P.S. I chose to forgive my wife, but I'm also wondering if it's possible to sue Mike for the distress he caused in our family.
     
  2. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Your problem isn't with the slug, you call Mike. Sure, Mike is a creepy, sleazy, pimp. However, as it appears his recruitment of your wife failed, there is little legally you can do to him.

    Heck, you don't even know who and where Mike is. You do know your wife failed to properly rebuff and rebuke Mike's improper advances.

    Your bigger problem is with your wife. Most women, interested in their marriages, would have ended this the first time Mike propositioned them. Your wife failed to that. She continued deceiving you.

    You might want to try marital counseling. Failing that, divorce might be your only answer. Your wife seems to possess a propensity for frolicking with pigs!

    I'll now dispense some of AJ's marital wisdom. If your mother or father didn't do it, you shouldn't do it. If your mother and father did it, you should avoid it!
     
  3. jacklantern

    jacklantern Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Thank you, army judge,
    I am considering marriage councelling, but for now, it seems that everything is just as wonderful and excellent as in the very beginning of our relationship. As if we are experiencing everything once again. My wife completely denounced Mike and joined me in the quest of restoring the family ties.
    As for Mike, I know exactly where he is (his address,) his phone number, and his email. would that change anything you said?
     
  4. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Well, you might provide that information to the police.
    Mike appears to be a pimp.
    He was procuring your wife to become one of his women of the evening.
    The police might be interested in knowing Mike's modus operandi.
    You don't, however, have a civil case against Mike.
    He's just another perverted creep.
     
  5. jacklantern

    jacklantern Law Topic Starter New Member

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    I just talked to my wife again. She admitted seeing him THREE times, and that he sent her about $400 money plus two parcels of gifts involving his relative in the Bronx where we live. She admitted that he gave her a cell phone meeting her after her English class at Lehman college. After that he was pressuring her to meet, and two subsequest meetings took place: at Central Park and Babys'R'Us at around 42nd St. at his demand. She maintains that this were his demands that she obeyed. I'm still asking if anything may be qualified as a sexual harassment, stalking (phone or otherwise.) Of course, I have personal contempt against this Mike, but is there anything legal I can take advantage of? Perhaps, misrepresentation of his REAL intents? Meaning why would he give the ads on Russian tutoring while he was looking to meet cute Russian girls (my wife is really hot)?
     
  6. jacklantern

    jacklantern Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Thanks army judge,
    I will go to the police precinct to talk about this situation(not very sure they will take it seriously, though.)
     
  7. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Where there is smoke, there is fire.

    Your wife is not without blame.

    Mike is a creepy pervert.
    Mike could be a pimp.

    But, your wife may not be entirely truthful. She may be hot, to you, but she ain't blameless. Look how long it's taken her to reveal little bits of the truth. It's my experience when people tell the truth SLOWLY, they aren't innocent. Mike isn't the only creepy pervert in this caper!!!!
     
  8. jacklantern

    jacklantern Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Thanks, army judge, again,
    My wife says she didn't want to tell me the truth at once because she felt very guilty and she knew how much pain in me this could cause. When I discovered everything, she was already becoming weary of Mike's behavior (Mike: I love you, I want you - My wife: But I don't love you and I don't want you; Mike: you dress up, leave the house and meet me, why didn't you call me when you came home? - My wife: I don't think you're in position to demand anything from me; you're a controlling freak.) She says by the time I discovered this affair, she was trying to end it up, though she admits that because of his influence (almost like in some religious sect) she couldn't end it fast. She admits that she might succumb to his influence completely and fail to end it, and that my interference helped, in a way, to get rid of Mike. I think I mentioned earlier that he also started demanding a quick divorce, which she was refusing, moving into a shelter (preferrably in Queens, where he lives) where he would pick her up later. He also pressed her that he was not going to wait too long.
     
  9. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Sick. So, very, very sick!
    If I had a wife that did that, I'd divorce her.
    I hope things work out the way you want them to in the future.
    You seem like a nice guy and a good dad.
     
  10. mightymoose

    mightymoose Moderator

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    Looks like everything was consensual... there is nothing to do here.
    Cease contact with the guy and seek counseling for yourself and your wife if you are having trouble recovering from this.
     
  11. jacklantern

    jacklantern Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Thanks mightymoose,
    Though it doesn't hold anything I hoped for, I appreciate your feedback. army judge said the police may be interested to know about Mike. As my second opinion, what would you say about that? Should I try to talk to a police officer? Since my wife stopped getting mad at my questions, keeps asking for my forgiveness, completely denounces Mike and her own foolish behavior, I'm leaning on the forgiving side. I do not consider divorce at this point, as the relationship turned really great, just like a healthy recovery after a dangerous illness. I was thinking about counseling, but she wants us to try by ourselves first. It seems that it didn't come to the physical cheating and was not really coming there, and this is the main thing for now. Of course, if I find something that she's still lying about, this might be the last drop, but things are great now, and I do not have unanswered questions left. The contact with Mike ceased, as well as with his female relative from the Bronx, who was supposed to be a curtain for the unsuspecting husband (I actually took a phone a couple of times when she called.) I'm still worried, though. First, if Mike is just waiting before calling again, it's, of course, only my wife's strong will and desire which can stop these calls once and forever. But since she asked him to stop calling already, and if he starts calling again, would it be something illegal (say, phone stalking?) Second, giving the fact that Mike was posting different kinds of ads on craigslist, from female Russian tutors/translators needed to recruiting girls to a modeling agency (even paying them for a plane tickets) to recruiting Russian women to promote adult club (the ads have been removed by the author, says craigslist now,) can he be running some kind of a ring and thus, can he be potentially dangerous? Someone on the craigslist mentioned that he is a dangerous man who spent 8 years in jail. I do not have any confirmation of that, though my wife says he boasted her about him spending 8 years in the Army. Also, when seeing my wife, he took pictures of her and my son saying laughingly something that now "he has an evidence for the FBI." He was also asking my son: Why doesn't your mommy kiss me? Why doesn't she let me kiss her? Am I just paranoid? Would you worry?
     
  12. FlaRiptide

    FlaRiptide New Member

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    Even to my untrained ear, this sounds like a big warning sign!

    Do as AJ says, report it all to the police and get counseling regardless of what your wife says.

    Let the police worry about Mike, and you worry about your wife.
     
  13. jacklantern

    jacklantern Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Thank you FlaRiptide,
    Will go to the police. What warning sign have you noticed? I have never been cheated on before, even in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, so I do not have enough experience in noticing red flags. My wife, from the beginning of this situation, was kind of reluctant that I was considering reporting this to the police (perhaps, she was afraid to tell the whole truth at the time she was still trying to cover.) She was saying something like "he didn't do anything bad," "I'm afraid that if he's on parole now and has some troubles with the law because of us, he may retaliate in the future." Also, I seized the cell phone she received from Mike on the day I discovered everything, but she stole it back at night and text messaged her girlfriend in Florida to login to her mail and warn Mike not to call her. Again, she admitted it now, but at the time, according to her, she just didn't want me to know anything and end it up without my knowledge, which I have evidence of and belief what she's saying the truth now. Do you think police will just ridicule me for being overjealous or something may be really of interest to them?
     
  14. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Telling the truth SLOWLY is evidence of lying.

    The liar disarms you by telling a little of what they call the truth, while still leaving out the entire truth.

    This tactic is known by children, even though no one has ever taught it to them.

    It is used by petty thieves to serial killers.

    It's main function is to rebuild trust so they can strike again.

    Telling the truth slowly is torturous to the aggrieved party.

    My condolences to the OP.

    OP, would your wife be so forgiving if you were acting this way?

    Would she be so forgiving if you had done what she admits to have done?

    Was stealing the phone an act of contrition?

    Each day, OP, you learn a bit more; yet the day before you were told there is no more to reveal.

    OP, you haven't learned the entire story. You disrupted the game before the ball had been kicked. Or, did you? Maybe, just maybe, several touchdowns had already been scored!!!!!
     
  15. FlaRiptide

    FlaRiptide New Member

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    Shem,

    You are thinking too much into this. You need to get your mind off the Mike situation and back to your marriage.

    Report the incident to the police and then forget it.

    It is obvious that your wife waivered from you and your marriage. Even if it was brief and/or innocent, she still waivered away from you.

    The fact that she is against counseling could be a sign that she has not disclosed everything to you and fears it all spilling out.

    Why in the world would your wife ever have allowed this guy near your son? Doesn't this concern you? This is NOT normal. A good mother does not place their offspring in unfamiliar territory.

    A truly devoted wife should welcome the chance to restore faith in your marriage by attending counseling. It will help erase that question mark that will always linger in the back of your mind if you don't go to counseling.
     
  16. jacklantern

    jacklantern Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Thank you, army judge,
    My wife seems to completely give up on lies (I always know when she lies: she gets angry when caught to be lying - not happened too often except this time,) at least at this time she feels completely exhausted and willingly cooperates answering my questions, even the most insignificant. I am quite sure they didn't have anything physical (except cheek kiss, maybe) just because we cannot afford nanny at this moment, and waiting for our son to go to the nursery school this September, so he is always with his mom. Well, I'm not aware what would happen next. Yes, I disrupted everything too early because I was at first sure something more serious is going on, but I also discovered at the same day that she WAS trying to end it by herself. I'm still afraid, yes, that she hides something, and I told her about that and that I won't take any more lies if there are. She said that this time that's really it, nothing more to add. Having a child with her during meetings with Mike would definitely prevent her from anything bad, unless Mike could hire a nanny (like his "relative" Lidia who checked on my wife on the phone while I was home) for the time they would be together. I'm also afraid that she could meet him during her English class at Lehman college where I signed her up on Saturdays, while I was sitting with my boy at home. She always seemed to come back on time, except one time when she was 1-1.5 hr late, and said that she stayed with a teacher having missed last week's class, and this time accounts for her meeting with Mike when he gave her the phone. Also, I checked browser history on the computer, and there are only two days that she was not at home during the day, and those account for her two other meetings with him. So it seems she finally told me the truth. UNLESS she didn't show up in her class or met him shortly during her daily walks with our son.
     
  17. jacklantern

    jacklantern Law Topic Starter New Member

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    FlaRiptide,
    Thank you for your reply. Yes, I agree that I'm thinking of this too much. I'm not too familiar to be in this situation, in fact I was getting crazy in the beginning: I slept 4 hours total during the first week of ordeal and haven't eaten once. About counseling: Is she required to tell the whole truth on the counseling? If she is still lying to me, why one can be sure that she will tell the whole truth on the counseling sessions? I've never been to counseling, so perhaps I'm wrong and don't understand how it works. We discussed counseling after her first round of the "whole truth" and she was agree to do that saying she had nothing to hide. Now about our son. In September, he is going to start a nursery school, during this summer the classes have been canceled and he stayed with my wife the whole time. She is not working, and we cannot afford nanny at this time, it would make a dent in our budget at the moment. That's why she had to go to meet Mike with our son. I completely agree with you that she behaved irresponsibly about that. Nevertheless, maybe this little boy saved us from the much more serious problems.
     
  18. mightymoose

    mightymoose Moderator

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    From what you describe, nothing illegal occurred. The contact was entirely consensual. I doubt the police would really be interested.
     

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