My Boyfriend Wants me to have his baby before marriage...

[meems1234]

Hi,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and it's a pretty serious relationship. We are talking about having a baby sometime this year. I want to have his baby, but at the same time, I also feel we should be married first. I mentioned this to him and he said he is not against marriage, but gets really turned off when women are only driven by marriage and how things are "supposed to be". He feels marriage should not be the focus of the relationship.

About my boyfriend:
He has never been married before and says he never married because women he dated had always had the agenda of marriage. He says he will marry me when marriage is no longer an issue and when the time is right. He is a business owner and is worth a minimum of $1.3 million.

My concern is...if I have a baby with him, I will no longer be working (this is something we both agreed on). What is 5 years down the road, he decides he no longer wants to be with me anymore. What rights do I have (besides child support)? I don't want to put myself in a position where I have a baby to care for and no job because I no longer have him to support me. Am I really protecting myself if we are married? He says marriage is just a piece of paper...it only complicates things.

Any advice would be great!

Thanks!

 

[Michael Wechsler]

I would tend to that that you could answer your own questions about his commitment by asking him to put the matter of a child into some formal legal terms. The truth might be difficult to handle. He might not want to tie himself down and may prolong having to do so by telling you what you want to hear until it comes time to actually prove to you how serious the relationship actually is. It seems to be that you've reached that point and want an answer before the relationship progresses further.

If marriage only complicates things, then perhaps you're best off entertaining a discussion with him formalizing how this civil union will work on an ongoing basis, including handling the birth of a child both with regard to financial and custody matters. If this "only complicates things" then you perhaps might have an insight into your relationship - a matter you'll need to explore further on a personal level and not a legal issue. I highly doubt that he's providing goods or services in his business without a contract and specific terms. Would a discussion on doing a big deal "complicate things" or make clearer the expectations of each party? Before any big deal you need to make sure that the primary elements of the deal are agreed upon in full and in this matter it's no different.

I think that your concerns are justified. I wish you the best of luck in getting the answer that you hope that you'll hear.

 

[cbg]

This is on a personal level and not a legal one.

Dump this bozo on his behind and tell him to find another brood mare. Then you find someone who cares about you for you and have a baby with HIM.

 

[Michael Wechsler]

Dump this bozo on his behind and tell him to find another brood mare. Then you find someone who cares about you for you and have a baby with HIM.

LOL. Best answer. I think in affairs of the heart like this one another woman's opinion can prove to be most helpful.

 

[Proserpina]

I have to wonder - if he can't or won't commit to you (that little piece of paper), what makes you think he'll commit to 18+ years of parenting with you?