mother bear

[dragonflye]

My ex-husband and I have joint custody of our son. I have primary placement, and waived my right to child support during our divorce. However, my ex only sees our son every other weekend, and never during the week...so I filed for child support. I got the order for him to pay on Friday April 25th which he already signed and dated April 18th. (Little background: Our son has a "medical" problem, that we didn't know was a medical problem until I finally took him to the doctor, and found out it was a fairly common problem with children (he's 6). It has to do with reluctance to use the bathroom. The doctor gave me ideas on what to do "encourage, not discourage, and reward" exactly to the letter of what I was already doing. And he gave me a prescription to help.) Ok then. The DAY after I recieved the letter for child support, the ex calls and says that I have until the end of August to fix the problem or he will sue for full custody! I freaked out, and told him I swore it would be fixed. He said he already talked to his lawyer about it. (I am feeling nauseous just writing this) I even offered to rip up the child support order. I told him I would fix the problem even if I had to tell our son that daddy would take him and never let him see his mommy again. The ex said, "go ahead, I already told him that"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I asked my son if his daddy told him that, and he said yes. Then I told him not to worry about it because nobody could take him away from me.) May I also add that the ex had our son call me Saturday night crying because he had an accident and wanted to come home. I told him I would pick him up, and he asked his dad and his dad said, "no, you're staying here". but he still sat on the phone crying and crying that he wanted to come home. I have never felt so helpless or broken hearted!
Does he have a case, in any way shape or form? My son is being emotionally scarred by his father! What can I do? I want him to forfeit his legal custody!

 

[Tampatree]

What a jerk - how dare he treat a little boy like that! The poor little guy probably was upset enough with himself, the last thing he needed was threats that he is going to be taken away from his mother!

Don't you dare let him off the hook for child support! You have the doctor's visit to prove there's a medical issue. I dare him to take you to court for the "problem" the YOU haven't "fixed." Any judge in his or her right mind would put him to the floor about his terrible parenting skills. He is the boy's parent too, and if he can't handle an accident here or there without a care about his own son's feelings, he doesn't deserve visits! (This is a ticked off mom's opinion only.)

Don't let his threats scare you, that's what he is hoping for!

Theresa

 

[irish223]

I agree that it sounds like your ex is trying to intimidate you into dropping your request for support. It is very unlikely that your ex can get primary custody at this point unless he can prove that your son's medical condition is due to your negligence. That would be hard for him to do, since he has had joint custody and had as much responsibility to seek treatment as you did. (I assume that you mean joint physical and joint legal custody.)

I suggest that you document every little thing that happens; for example, telling your son that he will never see you again, making him call you after an accident, demanding a time-line on your son's 'cure.' These things may not help in court, but you can ask your lawyer about that.

Also, you might want to consider counseling for your son. I don't know how long you've been divorced, nor how long he's had the problem, but the divorce may have had an effect on his problem. His father's attitude toward the problem may also aggravate the it. A counselor can help.