Unfortunately my case is not cut & dry … its complex & complicated. I really need some helpful advice and maybe someone who WANTS to help me. I've talked to 3 lawyers and they only want to listen to 'part' of my story when I really need to start from the beginning. (Maybe because they were free consultations they didn't want to spend the time on it)
My daughter's father & I were never married. We split April 2006 and I was primary caretaker of her up until December 2008. I, unknowingly of the gross outcome, voluntarily signed a joint custody agreement. We had many verbal agreements, one of them being that she would come here after school was over, and another being that if, for whatever reason, I was to move back to the town he lived that she would reside with me. All child support ended the day I signed that paper, which I was completely ok with, and we both then agreed (verbally) that WHEN she would reside back with me that I would no longer receive child support from him.
I found a really good job opportunity in North Carolina at the beginning of December and made him aware that while she was on Christmas break, we were going to move there. 2 weeks later I got a knock on my door with a summons for court, stating I could NOT leave state with her. I tried and tried talking to her father about visitation, something we didn't need to take to court. I have NEVER kept her from him. Anytime he wanted her, he got her. I cancelled child support twice because 'he couldn't afford to live' while paying it. So, he decided to talk me into going to North Carolina, alone. Telling me that my daughter could come live with me after she was done with kindergarten. He didn't want to take her from her school and family so I too thought it was a good idea. I didn't want to drag her to NC with me if this job didn't go through ok, and if I truly didn't want to be there. I constantly talked with my daughter's father from Jan to June about making sure he hadn't changed his mind. Every time, he always assured me that he was ok with it. Well by the time she was done with school, I again, brought up to him when I could come get her and he distastefully told me she could never come here. We had argued about this on a couple different occasions when finally I realized he wasn't going to budge, so I told him that I'd move back after this job was ended. He repeatedly tried talking me into staying, saying that there was no reason for me to be back there if I like this job so much, and that he'd let my daughter come visit during school breaks, on & on. I should have known then what his true intentions were. A few days later I had called him to tell him the day I'd be back and that I had hoped to have her living with me a couple months after I had moved back. (Considering I'd be looking for a job & my own place) He refused. He was adamant that I would never get her back. Again, he is still trying to convince me to stay here.
When I look back now, I see that he had ill intentions. He lied to me, he conned me into signing this agreement. I did not, nor was I advised, to get an attorney to this at this agreement. He also told me for a couple months after I had moved to NC that his lawyer had an agreement written up stating that if I was to move back to IL that she'd reside with me. Come to find out now, he was lying about it. I am so very upset at the outcome of all this. I have a great job here with a big company and have a chance to move up to a high position within 2 years! But nothing is worth losing my daughter over, and now I feel like I've lost her All because I trusted his words. I would have NEVER left the state I was living to come to another for an opportunity to better my job career for the life of my daughter & I.
My daughter's father currently does not have a job. (He says he does side work but that doesn't seem true) He drinks alcohol daily. He smokes marijuana. He lives off his girlfriend, living in her home.
Last week I received papers for child support. YES he's taking me for child support. I was appalled by this for the simple fact that I we had never discussed this. I asked him on occasion if she needed/wanted anything …. He never mentioned anything! I never sent him money because I would never know which habit I was contributing to! In our agreement it states, 'The parties hereto are both desirous of reaching an amicable agreement and consider it to be in their best interest to settle between themselves the issue of custody, visitation and child support, and by signing this agreed order and stipulation the parties are requesting that this honorable court enter this agreed order.' So how can he go for child support when I offered? We never discussed it otherwise. He, I am sure, is not up to date on the child support he owes me either so how can this be!?
I do not want sole custody, I think that would be way too hard to fight for. I'd like to keep joint custody where we both have an equal say in her upbringing, I just want her to reside with me. No child support from him, nothing ... just him to be there for her. We've had a good relationship for about a year and a half ... and I'm wondering what changed his mind about being so evil and manipulating towards me. I just recently talked to him after I got the letter in the mail about the child support, he says he's struggling ... I dont know how this could be since he just bought a puppy, he's going on a week vacation .... but then in the same sentence he tells me, 'now you know how to feels.' I am so sad and hurt by this. The outcome of my decision was NOT suppose to be this way, he knows that just as well as I do.
I need some desperate help!
My daughter's father & I were never married. We split April 2006 and I was primary caretaker of her up until December 2008. I, unknowingly of the gross outcome, voluntarily signed a joint custody agreement. We had many verbal agreements, one of them being that she would come here after school was over, and another being that if, for whatever reason, I was to move back to the town he lived that she would reside with me. All child support ended the day I signed that paper, which I was completely ok with, and we both then agreed (verbally) that WHEN she would reside back with me that I would no longer receive child support from him.
I found a really good job opportunity in North Carolina at the beginning of December and made him aware that while she was on Christmas break, we were going to move there. 2 weeks later I got a knock on my door with a summons for court, stating I could NOT leave state with her. I tried and tried talking to her father about visitation, something we didn't need to take to court. I have NEVER kept her from him. Anytime he wanted her, he got her. I cancelled child support twice because 'he couldn't afford to live' while paying it. So, he decided to talk me into going to North Carolina, alone. Telling me that my daughter could come live with me after she was done with kindergarten. He didn't want to take her from her school and family so I too thought it was a good idea. I didn't want to drag her to NC with me if this job didn't go through ok, and if I truly didn't want to be there. I constantly talked with my daughter's father from Jan to June about making sure he hadn't changed his mind. Every time, he always assured me that he was ok with it. Well by the time she was done with school, I again, brought up to him when I could come get her and he distastefully told me she could never come here. We had argued about this on a couple different occasions when finally I realized he wasn't going to budge, so I told him that I'd move back after this job was ended. He repeatedly tried talking me into staying, saying that there was no reason for me to be back there if I like this job so much, and that he'd let my daughter come visit during school breaks, on & on. I should have known then what his true intentions were. A few days later I had called him to tell him the day I'd be back and that I had hoped to have her living with me a couple months after I had moved back. (Considering I'd be looking for a job & my own place) He refused. He was adamant that I would never get her back. Again, he is still trying to convince me to stay here.
When I look back now, I see that he had ill intentions. He lied to me, he conned me into signing this agreement. I did not, nor was I advised, to get an attorney to this at this agreement. He also told me for a couple months after I had moved to NC that his lawyer had an agreement written up stating that if I was to move back to IL that she'd reside with me. Come to find out now, he was lying about it. I am so very upset at the outcome of all this. I have a great job here with a big company and have a chance to move up to a high position within 2 years! But nothing is worth losing my daughter over, and now I feel like I've lost her All because I trusted his words. I would have NEVER left the state I was living to come to another for an opportunity to better my job career for the life of my daughter & I.
My daughter's father currently does not have a job. (He says he does side work but that doesn't seem true) He drinks alcohol daily. He smokes marijuana. He lives off his girlfriend, living in her home.
Last week I received papers for child support. YES he's taking me for child support. I was appalled by this for the simple fact that I we had never discussed this. I asked him on occasion if she needed/wanted anything …. He never mentioned anything! I never sent him money because I would never know which habit I was contributing to! In our agreement it states, 'The parties hereto are both desirous of reaching an amicable agreement and consider it to be in their best interest to settle between themselves the issue of custody, visitation and child support, and by signing this agreed order and stipulation the parties are requesting that this honorable court enter this agreed order.' So how can he go for child support when I offered? We never discussed it otherwise. He, I am sure, is not up to date on the child support he owes me either so how can this be!?
I do not want sole custody, I think that would be way too hard to fight for. I'd like to keep joint custody where we both have an equal say in her upbringing, I just want her to reside with me. No child support from him, nothing ... just him to be there for her. We've had a good relationship for about a year and a half ... and I'm wondering what changed his mind about being so evil and manipulating towards me. I just recently talked to him after I got the letter in the mail about the child support, he says he's struggling ... I dont know how this could be since he just bought a puppy, he's going on a week vacation .... but then in the same sentence he tells me, 'now you know how to feels.' I am so sad and hurt by this. The outcome of my decision was NOT suppose to be this way, he knows that just as well as I do.
I need some desperate help!
