Lost and scared

[scaredmary]

My husband and I have been married for 9 years and have two children of our own. We attended a "swinger" party in February, we had attended such in the past, and my husband had sex with a woman who is now pregnant. She is positive that the baby is my husbands. We are both taken by suprise here and have never encountered this in the past. We want to do what is right by the baby and our own kids here. To erase any doubt we will pay to have a paternity test run to verify paternity. We are both scared to death here, as we do not know much about this woman or what the future holds. My first concern is getting the paternity test, and just because of my nature I do not trust this woman. My husband is content to go along like the baby is his, making nice conversation and such and trying to be friendly until the test comes back after the baby is born. She is 12 weeks pregnant right now. I told him we will not offer to pay for anything until we are sure and the paternity test is positive. If it is then we will proceed from there.

She is a single mother of two already, gets very little child support from the two dads, and most of her previous relationships have been with married men. This all came out in e-mail communications between her and my husband since we found out. My husband and I agreed that, since I have a tendency to be a bit harsh at times, he would be best to communicate. We are saving all communications though to a file on our computer and it will be burned to a disk. She has been asking him to promise not to try to take custody, she has also been saying jus tto trust her, she is honest and would never take advantage of anyone, and her intentions are all for the baby.

In her initial e-mail she said she did not want or expect anything, but I knew that would change. She now wants to go through the Texas Attorney Generals office for child support and visitation. My husband is so confused and wants to do what is right by everyone. I think we should seek custody, he is happy with visitation and child support.

We are not made of money, we were just starting to crawl out of the debt umbrella and were thinking of buying a bigger house. That is forgotten now. We have stopped any thought of ever going to another "party" again, we have gone back to church regularly, and are seeking possible counseling through our church's counseling center. I just truly do not know if he could get taken advantage of in the TxOAG office, will they take into consideration the children the two of us have, or will she be the only one they think of here? Would we ever have any chance at custody? Do we need to retain a lawyer right away? This is not soething I think we can afford right now, but if worse came to worse we could get a loan to pay for it. I am just not sure if this is something we need to do if it is just child support and visitation.

Could she stop him from seeing the child? I dont know what to do here. We are trying to do the right thing, but I have found NOTHING online that relates to this type of situation and need a little guidance if anyone can offer it.

 

[seniorjudge]

Q: I just truly do not know if he could get taken advantage of in the TxOAG office, will they take into consideration the children the two of us have, or will she be the only one they think of here?

A: The child is the main concern.



Q: Would we ever have any chance at custody?

A: Yes, about a 50-50 chance, more or less.



Q: Do we need to retain a lawyer right away?

A: Immediately if not sooner.



Q: Could she stop him from seeing the child?

A: Neither parent seems to have very high morals, so I'd suspect (unless you've left something out) that he would get visitation if he didn't get full custody.

 

[Duranie]

First things first, she is only 12 weeks along, you are putting the cart way before the horse here. When the baby is born, he should request a paternity test. There is always a chance the baby is not his, especially if this woman is a swinger.

If the child is his, he will likely have to pay support and he will likely be entitled to visitation. Your current children if you have any will be calculated into the child support equation.

As this point, I would keep communication with her to a minimum until your husband determines if he is actually the father. It is really unlikely she can prevent visitation, Dad will have to go to court and ask for it. Your chances at custody probably are not very good unless you can prove mom is totally unfit.