donrickles
New Member
please forgive me for such a long story! i'm desperate though.
originally i'm from houston and in 2002, i had an amicable divorce from my ex husband with joint custody (if i recall correctly) of our daughter and 3 years after, i moved out of state to california for better job opportunities and left my 10 year old (at the time) daughter with my grandparents because they coerced me into keeping her there temporarily so she wouldn't have to change schools suddenly and so i could get adjusted in california. i was also living with them at the time.
a couple of points to consider:
in my family there is a cycle of the grandparents raising children, as i was raised by them myself, so naturally they became attached to my daughter so they've used guilt trips on me so my grandmother can stay close to her. my mother (my daughter's grandmother) is busy raising her other granddaughter currently. see--it's a never ending cycle. anyway, i've been constantly undermined and berated in front of my daughter by my grandparents and they basically let my daughter get away with murder and she manipulates them into feeling sorry for her and so they throw it in my face that i left her there and that she doesn't have to go anywhere she doesn't want to. in other words, she calls the shots as to where she wants to live even though we agreed this was only temporary and i legally have custody of her anyway.
also, my ex husband is unable to talk to or see our daughter because she refuses to interact with him and so again, my grandparents allow it because they don't think much of him either. i only semi agree with them because he doesn't pay any child support for her as was agreed upon in our divorce settlement. i haven't gone for it either because his monetary situation has never been good to begin with. like i said, we're still on good terms and he fully supports me in bringing my daughter to live with me finally. there is no dispute on that. this is not my issue though.
here's the problem--i've been in california for 3 years now and my daughter is now 13 and has really started acting out in a bad way. i've recently found out she ran away early in the morning without my grandparents' knowledge and has been in contact with 17 & 18 year old boys as well and because she's so manipulative with them, she knows exactly what to say so that they forgive her and she goes without punishment and receives pity instead. some of it has to do with the fact that she still does good in school.
i don't see this as acceptable upbringing at all and as a result, i'm wanting to bring my daughter back with me to california over the holidays this year and enroll her in middle school to finish it out and start fresh in high school next year. i've been in contact with my daughter and told her she was going to have to come with me and at first she was really belligerent with me and all of a sudden had a change of heart and agreed. now when i inform my grandparents of this they agreed too at first but then she goes crying to them saying she doesn't want to come and we're back to square one. she's a master at manipulation and now has them back in her corner once again!
since when does a 13 year old make the rules? i legally have custody of her and my grandparents have nothing documenting that they have any kind of custody at all. it's only informal. we only verbally agreed when i left houston that this wouldn't be permanent and now they're undermining me again and telling my daughter she can stay and not to listen to me.
my plan is to obtain my divorce decree showing i have custody and forcibly remove her from my grandparents house come xmas vacation with police assistance if necessary. i have already researched schools in my neighborhood and am fully ready to get her adjusted to life here in california with me whether they like it or not. i also have plans to file for child support from her father. it's time he take on his responsibilities as well.
who's got the leg to stand on in this situation is my question? i know it's going to be a big fight when the time comes with my grandparents undermining me in front of her, but i cannot sit back and watch her get away with this behavior. she's getting more rebellious and my grandparents are just too old to keep proper tabs on her and in turn let her get away with any and everything. they are getting close to 80 years old! she needs to be with me, her biological mother and she needs rules and boundaries. i have a great partner now who has been way more of a help financially and emotionally to her more than her own father and he hates to see her acting out like this as well.
this cycle in my family needs to stop and i can't sit back and watch it go on anymore. please help!
originally i'm from houston and in 2002, i had an amicable divorce from my ex husband with joint custody (if i recall correctly) of our daughter and 3 years after, i moved out of state to california for better job opportunities and left my 10 year old (at the time) daughter with my grandparents because they coerced me into keeping her there temporarily so she wouldn't have to change schools suddenly and so i could get adjusted in california. i was also living with them at the time.
a couple of points to consider:
in my family there is a cycle of the grandparents raising children, as i was raised by them myself, so naturally they became attached to my daughter so they've used guilt trips on me so my grandmother can stay close to her. my mother (my daughter's grandmother) is busy raising her other granddaughter currently. see--it's a never ending cycle. anyway, i've been constantly undermined and berated in front of my daughter by my grandparents and they basically let my daughter get away with murder and she manipulates them into feeling sorry for her and so they throw it in my face that i left her there and that she doesn't have to go anywhere she doesn't want to. in other words, she calls the shots as to where she wants to live even though we agreed this was only temporary and i legally have custody of her anyway.
also, my ex husband is unable to talk to or see our daughter because she refuses to interact with him and so again, my grandparents allow it because they don't think much of him either. i only semi agree with them because he doesn't pay any child support for her as was agreed upon in our divorce settlement. i haven't gone for it either because his monetary situation has never been good to begin with. like i said, we're still on good terms and he fully supports me in bringing my daughter to live with me finally. there is no dispute on that. this is not my issue though.
here's the problem--i've been in california for 3 years now and my daughter is now 13 and has really started acting out in a bad way. i've recently found out she ran away early in the morning without my grandparents' knowledge and has been in contact with 17 & 18 year old boys as well and because she's so manipulative with them, she knows exactly what to say so that they forgive her and she goes without punishment and receives pity instead. some of it has to do with the fact that she still does good in school.
i don't see this as acceptable upbringing at all and as a result, i'm wanting to bring my daughter back with me to california over the holidays this year and enroll her in middle school to finish it out and start fresh in high school next year. i've been in contact with my daughter and told her she was going to have to come with me and at first she was really belligerent with me and all of a sudden had a change of heart and agreed. now when i inform my grandparents of this they agreed too at first but then she goes crying to them saying she doesn't want to come and we're back to square one. she's a master at manipulation and now has them back in her corner once again!
since when does a 13 year old make the rules? i legally have custody of her and my grandparents have nothing documenting that they have any kind of custody at all. it's only informal. we only verbally agreed when i left houston that this wouldn't be permanent and now they're undermining me again and telling my daughter she can stay and not to listen to me.
my plan is to obtain my divorce decree showing i have custody and forcibly remove her from my grandparents house come xmas vacation with police assistance if necessary. i have already researched schools in my neighborhood and am fully ready to get her adjusted to life here in california with me whether they like it or not. i also have plans to file for child support from her father. it's time he take on his responsibilities as well.
who's got the leg to stand on in this situation is my question? i know it's going to be a big fight when the time comes with my grandparents undermining me in front of her, but i cannot sit back and watch her get away with this behavior. she's getting more rebellious and my grandparents are just too old to keep proper tabs on her and in turn let her get away with any and everything. they are getting close to 80 years old! she needs to be with me, her biological mother and she needs rules and boundaries. i have a great partner now who has been way more of a help financially and emotionally to her more than her own father and he hates to see her acting out like this as well.
this cycle in my family needs to stop and i can't sit back and watch it go on anymore. please help!
