harrassment by an attorney?

[shelleybakken]

OK...this is a long story, but I will try to make it as short and concise as possible. In Aug/07 my boyfriend (BF) beat me up, held a gun to my head as well as his own, choked me until I passed out, forced me into the tub w/him, kicked me in the belly, and well, the list goes on. I did not call the authorities immediately (he broke both our phones so I could not), and after about 6 hours of this I had convinced not only him but myself as well that we could get help w/out the authorities being involved as long as he really applied himself. We went to a crisis intervention counselor the next day, she agreed to see us as long as she felt I was not in danger and/or as long as she felt he was remorseful and actively seeking to change. He did admit the abuse to her. Now- here we are...he did not take the councelling seriously, we broke up and I did contact the police and both the counselor and myself filed individual reports. He admitted to other incidents of DV against me to her as well. But his mistake was in trying to lie and manipulate her as he had me and he got caught in his lies. The prosecuting att'y is going full force w/the charges and I am not a recanting witness.
However, here is the difficulty, he and I have since reconciled (big surprise, huh?)-I do love him and have hope that he can change. He has been going to court ordered councelling for about 2 1/2 months. I do see some changes. I don't trust him to be fully recovered by any means though. And I do believe he needs to have some consequence and be held accountable for the abuse he inflicted upon me. It was a horrific experience, and as much as I do love and support this man, I have also regained some (not much, but some) of my inner strength to stand up for myself and stop hiding things for him. I have met w/his att'y a few times (not "officially") and he has said one or two comments that stick w/me. The first being that "boy, we sure do want this to go away. (BF) doesn't need a felony that will haunt him for the rest of his life. He's learned his lesson and is going to the councelling. Gosh, if we could just get this all reduced to misdemeanors and have him serve probation and lose his gun rights that would be great. We don't want to have to fight this in court, but gosh, we will if we have to. This prosecuter is playing hard ball, and gosh, you two just love each other and want to work things out. I hope that can happen, but if we have to go to court it will get real ugly and nasty, and Shelley, you don't want that." I think it was the tone which left me feeling threatened.Is there anything wrong with what he did/said? I just have a gut feeling that they are going to trash my character w/anything and everything possible...I have been thinking of calling the prosecuter and telling him all the sordid details of my life so he can be prepared. I am not wanting to make things worse for my BF, but I don't want to be used or manipulated or embarrassed by his attempt at defense either. My feeling is that I will not lie about anything that happened that night/early morning in Aug./07,but I don't want the worst to happen to him either. He is facing 4 felonies w/weapons enhancement charges...in Wa. state weapons charges carry a mandatory 3 year sentence. While I want him to be accountable, I don't want him to go away for a long time.I have faith in the system, and he keeps telling me I shouldn't. But, with the emotions involved, I don't know that I am one who can guess at what is fair and just for what he did. That is the prosecuter/judge and/or jury's responsibility. I guess, my overall ?s are: is his lawyer messing w/me (I feel as though he may have been) and should I be protecting myself better. I have stayed somewhat in touch w/the prosecuter and told him that I am back with the BF, and how I feel about the potential punishments, and also that I will not lie or become a recanting witness. I have also told my BF the same thing. I think that the truth is the only thing in this that anchors me somewhat to sanity. I've lied to so many people about the abuse that has occurred several times-denying he was abusing me, that often I have minimized it to myself sufficiently enough to almost believe none of the incidences occurred. Or that I was responsible for them. I already know the standard response of everyone else- Get away from him, leave, he will never change, etc. And until this happened to me I would have yelled the same things to anyone I knew who was in a similar situation, but I feel as though I would be quitting him, not believing him and giving up on him. I love him alot, I really do. In a weird way, I think that being accountable and having to go through whatever punishment is meted out may be what ultimately will motivate him to make lasting changes in this area. He had one slap on the wrist w/ a deferred sentence, and that didn't work. Not that I think he needs to go to prison for 12 years to learn the lesson, but certainly more attention needs to be given to what would help him realize and achieve permanent growth and deviation from his current sporadic outbursts of anger.

If anyone takes the time to answer this, I would be very grateful...I don't have funds to pay for legal advice as most of my extra funds are going to support BF through out this ordeal.

 

[shelleybakken]

Restraining order?

My boyfriend's ex-wife filed for a restraining order against me in Sept/07. I didn't protest it much because he and I broke up and well, quite frankly I just figured an order couldn't be given based upon 3rd party statements. He had told her some lies and made it look as though I was harrassing her through him. At the same time he'd tell her one thing, he'd tell me that she was threatening me as well. I had had little to no contact with her for nearly a year when she filed this order. But upon reading the papers I felt I could understand some of her concerns based upon what he had told her (ie:lies about me being on medication, and that I wanted her to be hurt, that I am very vindictive and will sit for hours planning how to hurt her, etc.) I told the judge my honest opinion on that was that my then BF, her ex-husband, was telling us both lies and I could understand why she may have thought certain things if she was being told those types of things by him. Anyway, the order was granted. The problem is that now my BF and I have since reconciled and he has given me a statement that he had notarized stating that he lied about certain things and that she outright lied as well. I want the order to go away or be reciprocal because occassionally she makes threats to call the police and claim I am or have violated the order (we have contact in a small town app. 2500 people due to our children and school functions as well as the fact that now the BF and I are back together). She included her children on the order, but has since been allowing the children to come to my home to have visitation w/their father (my BF) as that is where he is living. She sends a handwritten note (though he has requested a notarized note) stating that it is ok for me to be around the children when he has them at my home. I do not want to make this ugly or nasty for anyone (though I must say that my patience is wearing thin with her). I feel that each time their children are at my home I am putting myself at risk to her whims. If she gets a bee in her bonnet so to speak and claims I am violating the order, then I would at least have to go to court to defend myself and at worst be found guilty of violating the order. She has continually declined to give a notarized note, and I am not sure the other notes are sufficient for a court of law if that were to become necessary. She did state in one email to my BF that she would be willing to go back to court to change the order so that it would remove the children from the order of protection. She has made no effort to this extent however. I am wondering if I can go before the court w/the notes she has been sending, the copy of the email, and the notarized letter from my BF stating that he lied about certain things, and also that she lied in some of her quoted statements as well, and have this order -at the very least- modified. I believe w/out a doubt that the whole situation was a gross misuse of the system out of vidictiveness on her part- because she did know that I was never harrassing or stalking her. Even if she was being told one thing or another, it ultimately is because she was the "woman scorned" (I am not making light of that-just explaining). It is embarrassing for me- to say the least- and for my own children who have had to deal w/this nonsense to some extent. I can't drive them to a friends home because it is within 500 ft of her home, and for a while I avoided school functions because she had threatened to call the police that I was in violation. I knew I wasn't because I asked the judge specifically at the time of the hearing about such things as school functions our kids would be attending and the fact that her childrens' grandparents live directly across the street from where I live. He said it basically applied only to her work or residence, but that if we were at such public places as a market that i should finish my business as soon as was reasonable and leave w/no incident. Anyway, it is the potential for embarrassment and legal havoc that I worry about, not that I would be in violation. So, is there anything that I can do? At least as far as the children part of the order are concerned because then I would be less concerned about her whims while her children are in my home and/or while we are both attending school activities. Is there no protection for me when someone is using the legal system as a threat or weapon? Please help!

 

[seniorjudge]

You are a very sick person; you need to seek counseling immediately.

Call a woman's shelter NOW!