Guardianship

[LaVern]

Jurisdiction

Missouri

My grandson will turn 17 in January. His mom, my daughter, passed away 1 year, 15 days ago. My grandson has been living with me since. He has always had the standard every other weekend visitations with his dad. He continues to have the same visitation schedule. He has extended periods during holidays and summer vacation. My grandson has repeatedly stated (to his dad, to his attorney at Ladim, to my attorney) that he does not want to live with his dad but stay with me and his older brother and keep the same visitation schedule. His dad refuses to sign the consent form inspite of my grandson repeatedly telling him he was not going to live with him. He has never lived with him. First court date his dad shows up without a lawyer, my grandson reiterates to him in the presence of my lawyer and the attorney et Ladim that he does not want to leave with him. His dad says he will not force him and in the same sentence says he now wants to get a lawyer. The court was continued for three months to allow him to get a lawyer, home and background checks done. My grandson is still continuing his visitations (which is something I do encourage). We went back to court Dec. 13, 2 days after the year anniversary of my grandson's mom passing. His dad shows up 20 minutes late, in the middle of our proceedings and WITHOUT an attorney. He now wants is visitation rights and assurances that he is not giving up parental rights in writing which is what we were striving for IN THE BEGINNING. Not to mention we are the only ones with legal fees. Well again the judge continued the case to allow my lawyer to draft the agreement. Now we are talking about another $800-900 legal bill on top of the other almost $1,700 already paid. I am hesitate to go back to court and incur these fees because this is money that should be out away for my grandson's college fund. What are my repercussions if we do not and he is 17? Thank you in advance for any advice provided, it is appreciated.

 

[adjusterjack]

I am hesitate to go back to court and incur these fees because this is money that should be out away for my grandson's college fund. What are my repercussions if we do not

Do not what? Go back to court and complete the process? That'll only add fuel to the fire and cost you more money when the father attempts to have you cited for contempt.

and he is 17

His age has nothing to do with anything until his 18th birthday. Until then he does what the court says he does even if he doesn't like it.

 

[LaVern]

Do not what? Go back to court and complete the process? That'll only add fuel to the fire and cost you more money when the father attempts to have you cited for contempt.



His age has nothing to do with anything until his 18th birthday. Until then he does what the court says he does even if he doesn't like it.

Okay. However, since we have already been to court twice and the paperwork, aside from this new agreement, is of record, can I represent our case without the lawyer?

 

[army judge]

Okay. However, since we have already been to court twice and the paperwork, aside from this new agreement, is of record, can I represent our case without the lawyer?

Based upon your recitation of events, you're in possession of your grandson without a court order granting you that authority.

I don't know how that happened, but you have no legal standing at the moment to possess the child.

The boy's father should have become the sole guardian upon the tragic demise of your beloved daughter, his mother.

How you came to stand where you do is baffling.

The father appears to have been bamboozled.

What EXACTLY is the legal matter pending before a court that involves you, your grandson, or both of you?

Before your daughter died, who was the primary custodian of your grandson?

In what state did your daughter die?
Was the boy living with her in that state?

Who is the primary custodian of the boy today, you or his father?

What legal role has been designated to you by the court?
When was that designation made?
When does it expire?

 

[LaVern]

Based upon your recitation of events, you're in possession of your grandson without a court order granting you that authority.

I don't know how that happened, but you have no legal standing at the moment to possess the child.

The boy's father should have become the sole guardian upon the tragic demise of your beloved daughter, his mother.

How you came to stand where you do is baffling.

The father appears to have been bamboozled.

What EXACTLY is the legal matter pending before a court that involves you, your grandson, or both of you?

Before your daughter died, who was the primary custodian of your grandson?

In what state did your daughter die?
Was the boy living with her in that state?

Who is the primary custodian of the boy today, you or his father?

What legal role has been designated to you by the court?
When was that designation made?
When does it expire?

During the time of my daughter's illness (cancer and chemo treatments) my grandson was primarily with me or my daughter except for his weekends with his dad. After her passing my grandson was just with me and continued his normal weekend visits. He told me and his dad that he wanted to live with me and his brother and it just continued on with the normal weekend schedule. His dad never verbalized his disagreement with that until I asked him to sign consent for guardianship so that I would legally have the right to make any medical decisions because he was a truck driver and may not be available should an emergency arise. My grandson his active in school sports so I thought this was important. I also needed to get health insurance because, although his dad said he had insurance, he has yet to provide me with an insurance card. His dad did sign a consent with my grandson's school that I make his school decisions and the school could continue to contact me and take instructions from me. He, of course, wanted to be kept in the loop. Since he would not sign the consent to guardianship I contacted a lawyer and started the process. I was simply trying to do it the right way and he never demanded that my grandson come live with him. He seemed to just accept the weekend/holiday/summer schedule. I just know that I needed legal guardianship to make certain things happen.

I'm not sure if you consider this him being "bamboozled". I don't.

In answer to your other questions, my daughter passed away in the state of Missouri.

My daughter was primary custodian with full custody.

My daughter and grandson both lived in the state of Missouri.

My grandson still resides with me and sees his dads on the weekend schedule/holiday schedule.

There is no legal designation.

 

[army judge]

During the time of my daughter's illness (cancer and chemo treatments) my grandson was primarily with me or my daughter except for his weekends with his dad. After her passing my grandson was just with me and continued his normal weekend visits. He told me and his dad that he wanted to live with me and his brother and it just continued on with the normal weekend schedule. His dad never verbalized his disagreement with that until I asked him to sign consent for guardianship so that I would legally have the right to make any medical decisions because he was a truck driver and may not be available should an emergency arise. My grandson his active in school sports so I thought this was important. I also needed to get health insurance because, although his dad said he had insurance, he has yet to provide me with an insurance card. His dad did sign a consent with my grandson's school that I make his school decisions and the school could continue to contact me and take instructions from me. He, of course, wanted to be kept in the loop. Since he would not sign the consent to guardianship I contacted a lawyer and started the process. I was simply trying to do it the right way and he never demanded that my grandson come live with him. He seemed to just accept the weekend/holiday/summer schedule. I just know that I needed legal guardianship to make certain things happen.

I'm not sure if you consider this him being "bamboozled". I don't.

In answer to your other questions, my daughter passed away in the state of Missouri.

My daughter was primary custodian with full custody.

My daughter and grandson both lived in the state of Missouri.

My grandson still resides with me and sees his dads on the weekend schedule/holiday schedule.

There is no legal designation.

Thank you for your refreshing honesty.

You don't have legal custody of your grandson.
You have never had legal guardianship of your grandson.
That is why your daughter's spouse won't agree to sign the document your lawyer drafted.
It appears the man is going to court to ensure he retains custody of his son.
No court in this nation allows a child to decide where she or he wishes to live, or with whom.

I suggest you not worry about the grandson's college fund, until you have secured legal guardianship of the lad.

Such guardianship can only be ordered in your favor after a hearing has trasnpired on the matter in open court, and on the record.

If you desire to raise this lad, I suggest you instruct your attorney to petition th eprper court to hold a hearing on the matter.

I do wish you and your family, especially the child peace as you remember the boy's mother.

God bless you all.

 

[LaVern]

Thank you for your refreshing honesty.

You don't have legal custody of your grandson.
You have never had legal guardianship of your grandson.
That is why your daughter's spouse won't agree to sign the document your lawyer drafted.
It appears the man is going to court to ensure he retains custody of his son.
No court in this nation allows a child to decide where she or he wishes to live, or with whom.

I suggest you not worry about the grandson's college fund, until you have secured legal guardianship of the lad.

Such guardianship can only be ordered in your favor after a hearing has trasnpired on the matter in open court, and on the record.

If you desire to raise this lad, I suggest you instruct your attorney to petition th eprper court to hold a hearing on the matter.

I do wish you and your family, especially the child peace as you remember the boy's mother.

God bless you all.

Thank you so much for your responses. I am fully aware, as I have been advised by my lawyer, that I have no legal standing unless it is ordered by a court which is why I initiated the court proceedings. I don't know if it matters but my daughter was never married to my grandson's dad and my grandson never lived with him, only the weekend/holiday/summer schedule. I have always said (and told my grandson) that whatever the court says we will abide by.

 

[army judge]

I don't know if it matters but my daughter was never married to my grandson's dad and my grandson never lived with him, only the weekend/holiday/summer schedule.

Again, thank you for your refreshing honesty.
You're welcome.

Ma'am, YES, it does matter.

Okay, you can bring an immediate halt to the possibly unwanted intrusions of the man who is alleged to be your grandson's father.

If he wants to obtain custody, he must first establish his paternity via a court sanctioned paternity test.

Unmarried males who are alleged to father babies, only obtain parental rights to said babies AFTER petitioning a court to conduct a paternity test to establish him as the father.

Once he has accomplished that feat, he must then petition for visitation, maybe custody, and/or child support.

Fortunately you'll have to endure a year and a few months of this challenge yourself.

Once the minor becomes 18 years of age, he also becomes a fully emancipated adult.

You seem to e on the correct path, just make sure your lawyer petitions the court for you to obtain permanent guardianship of your grandson.

The fact that the "man" has been out of the boy's life for years bodes well for you.

Please let us know the outcome, as I enjoy learning of happy endings.

 

[LaVern]

Again, thank you for your refreshing honesty.
You're welcome.

Ma'am, YES, it does matter.

Okay, you can bring an immediate halt to the possibly unwanted intrusions of the man who is alleged to be your grandson's father.

If he wants to obtain custody, he must first establish his paternity via a court sanctioned paternity test.

Unmarried males who are alleged to father babies, only obtain parental rights to said babies AFTER petitioning a court to conduct a paternity test to establish him as the father.

Once he has accomplished that feat, he must then petition for visitation, maybe custody, and/or child support.

Fortunately you'll have to endure a year and a few months of this challenge yourself.

Once the minor becomes 18 years of age, he also becomes a fully emancipated adult.

You seem to e on the correct path, just make sure your lawyer petitions the court for you to obtain permanent guardianship of your grandson.

The fact that the "man" has been out of the boy's life for years bodes well for you.

Please let us know the outcome, as I enjoy learning of happy endings.

Just so that I have really clear, the dad has always been active in the weekend/holiday/summer visitations. Even during the time that he wasn't paying child support my daughter would not interrupt that schedule. The dad's name is not on the birth certificate but we are not alleging he is not the father. Actually, my grandson is a mirror image of him. Under these circumstances is it still advisable to request the paternity test? Just a reminder, my grandson will be 17 in a couple of weeks and I dare not interject any thought of his dad not being his dad. With the loss of his mother and I believe this would just be too harmful to him. I would rather make him go live with his dad before I harm or hurt anymore than he is already hurting from the loss of his mother. I would certainly have an open and honest discussion with my grandson and let him know the only reason for that course of action is to block his dad from taking him, not because he isn't is dad. I don't want to say anything negative about his dad, I believe him to be a good, decent man. But, I also believe it is in the best interest of my grandson to stay with me and his brother for a number of reasons. My lawyer told me that the judge consented to continue the case this last time because when I testified and didn't say bad things about his dad. My grandson was in the court room and there was no way I would do that, especially in his presence. They have a good relationship and I will not damage that. My grandson simply says because he has never lived with him, doesn't want to live with him and he feels "at home" with us. So, saying negative or bad things about his dad really isn't an option. That just would not have been right. If my grandson approves of filing for the paternity test KNOWING that this man is his dad, I will do it. Otherwise, I will not.

 

[leslie82]

Just so that I have really clear, the dad has always been active in the weekend/holiday/summer visitations. Even during the time that he wasn't paying child support my daughter would not interrupt that schedule. The dad's name is not on the birth certificate but we are not alleging he is not the father. Actually, my grandson is a mirror image of him. Under these circumstances is it still advisable to request the paternity test? Just a reminder, my grandson will be 17 in a couple of weeks and I dare not interject any thought of his dad not being his dad. With the loss of his mother and I believe this would just be too harmful to him. I would rather make him go live with his dad before I harm or hurt anymore than he is already hurting from the loss of his mother. I would certainly have an open and honest discussion with my grandson and let him know the only reason for that course of action is to block his dad from taking him, not because he isn't is dad. I don't want to say anything negative about his dad, I believe him to be a good, decent man. But, I also believe it is in the best interest of my grandson to stay with me and his brother for a number of reasons. My lawyer told me that the judge consented to continue the case this last time because when I testified and didn't say bad things about his dad. My grandson was in the court room and there was no way I would do that, especially in his presence. They have a good relationship and I will not damage that. My grandson simply says because he has never lived with him, doesn't want to live with him and he feels "at home" with us. So, saying negative or bad things about his dad really isn't an option. That just would not have been right. If my grandson approves of filing for the paternity test KNOWING that this man is his dad, I will do it. Otherwise, I will not.

If your daughter was never married to that man he has no rights to his son legally unless he established paternity in court. Does he have court ordered child support and visitation? Or was that all set up between he and your daughter?

If he never went to court and established paternity he doesn't have any rights to your grandson at this time. No one is saying he isn't biologically the dad - legally he hasn't been established as the father. If your daughter and he had been married when your grandson was born then he would legally be the father.

Keep doing what your lawyer says and keep the lawyer. No one said say bad things about his dad.

Your grandson legally has no say in this. He doesn't get to decide if his dad takes a paternity test. Sorry that's the way it is. He's only 16 from what you say (he turns 17 in a couple weeks).