Marilyn_LV
New Member
My uncle passed away a week ago. He was a reclusive, eccentric person who lived in poverty. He had two children, who are in their early 50's and easily the most pitiful people I know. His daughter has mental illness and is on disability. On the other hand, she's very pragmatic. The son has the mental functioning of an 8 year old. No guardianship has ever been established and he has not been declared incompetent. His disability is readily apparent as he has an exceedingly disheveled appearance and talks intelligibly.
I accompanied my cousins to make funeral arrangements and together, with the funeral director, tried to figure out how to pay for it. My brother in law is a military benefits specialist for the government and said he would see what benefits for which my uncle was eligible. My cousins said they would go to the welfare office and see what the state could provide. I kept pointing out to my cousins that most likely my uncle could be buried, but there would be no funeral.
During all of this, my male cousin kept saying how his father had been adopted by the Kennedy family (as in JFK) and other far out things of this nature. I'm positive my uncle told him this, as that was his nature.
BIG MISTAKE!! At the end of the meeting, I took the funeral director aside and said that my brother in law (who never met my uncle or cousins, bless his heart!) offered to pay for any remaining expenses, after what the VA and social services would provide. BIG MISTAKE!
My brother in law could find no record that my uncle was a veteran. There was a big VA records warehouse fire in 1970, so that is understandable.
Wonder of wonders, my uncle had $2500 in a savings account, which precluded social services from paying for anything.
At this point, I had to go out of town. My female cousin kept calling me, saying the funeral director needed to talk to my brother in law. I didn't want my cousins to know that my brother in law was willing to pay for anything, so the funeral director must have spilled the beans. My female cousin started talking about having services for her father.
The funeral director called me and asked about my brother in law. I said that he was willing to pay for cremation, not a funeral and that the cremation was taken care of with the $2500. She kept telling me that my cousins wanted a funeral and I kept saying that what people want and what they can afford are two different things and she should know that.
Well, my male cousin went to a meeting with her, by himself. He ended up with a laundry list of services, up to and including limousines!
The funeral director wants more money, knowing this guy doesn't have a dime.
Any input on this fiasco will be welcome.
I accompanied my cousins to make funeral arrangements and together, with the funeral director, tried to figure out how to pay for it. My brother in law is a military benefits specialist for the government and said he would see what benefits for which my uncle was eligible. My cousins said they would go to the welfare office and see what the state could provide. I kept pointing out to my cousins that most likely my uncle could be buried, but there would be no funeral.
During all of this, my male cousin kept saying how his father had been adopted by the Kennedy family (as in JFK) and other far out things of this nature. I'm positive my uncle told him this, as that was his nature.
BIG MISTAKE!! At the end of the meeting, I took the funeral director aside and said that my brother in law (who never met my uncle or cousins, bless his heart!) offered to pay for any remaining expenses, after what the VA and social services would provide. BIG MISTAKE!
My brother in law could find no record that my uncle was a veteran. There was a big VA records warehouse fire in 1970, so that is understandable.
Wonder of wonders, my uncle had $2500 in a savings account, which precluded social services from paying for anything.
At this point, I had to go out of town. My female cousin kept calling me, saying the funeral director needed to talk to my brother in law. I didn't want my cousins to know that my brother in law was willing to pay for anything, so the funeral director must have spilled the beans. My female cousin started talking about having services for her father.
The funeral director called me and asked about my brother in law. I said that he was willing to pay for cremation, not a funeral and that the cremation was taken care of with the $2500. She kept telling me that my cousins wanted a funeral and I kept saying that what people want and what they can afford are two different things and she should know that.
Well, my male cousin went to a meeting with her, by himself. He ended up with a laundry list of services, up to and including limousines!
The funeral director wants more money, knowing this guy doesn't have a dime.
Any input on this fiasco will be welcome.
You can either butt out, and the funeral director will sign up two persons of questionable mental competence to a fantastic funeral for their father, and then have the joy of trying to collect from them and probably get frustrated and make some attempt to come after you and/or your brother-in-law. Or you can be pragmatic, tell the funeral director in no uncertain terms that you and your BIL are NOT going to be liable for any funeral expenses over the cremation, and that she would be well advised to stop playing on the pipe dreams of your relatives.