Filing for sole custody?

[jesserin1998]

I have posted previously with different questions and have not received an answer so I thought I would try a new question.

I have an 8, almost 9 year old daughter who's biological father has had limited contact with her since we split when she was 9months old. We have both since married (we never married each other but he signed for paternity at the hospital when she was born). I would like to file for sole legal custody so that I don't have to consult with him on things that require both parents. If I file for sole custody will the courts automatically enforce child support too? He doesn't pay child support (there is no order) and there is nothing legal regarding her custody, we broke up, she came with me, that was the end of it. Also, what are the chances of him getting visitation rights if i filed for sole custody and he contested? I think he would only ask for visitation to spite me and to reduce his support payment if the court ordered one. He hasn't seen her in two years, and only saw her twice in the last 4years, has never paid child support, his last visit lasted less than 48hours, and when he moved out of state 6 years ago I paid to take her to go visit him (back when I was hoping she would have a good relationship with her father). Since she was 18months old she has seen him maybe 6 times. He would send her birthday presents most years and Christmas presents usually (but not always) and I can tell you she wouldn't recognize him if he showed up on our doorstep. I will not file for custody if the chances are good she will be forced to go see him and I would prefer he not have a support order enforced on him. I just want to get her a passport so we can take a vacation outside the country and he wont send me the necessary paperwork since both parents have to consent for a passport for a minor.

I have a question about child support too. I am a stay at home mom and all the support calculations ask for my income as well as the biological father's income. Will the calculation use my husbands income or will it calculate mine as "zero"?

 

[Duranie]

Dad still has rights to visitation, you really have no valid reason to stop visits. He is entitled to see the child. So filing fo sole custody may trigger more interest from him. Figure out if it is worth it to possible now have to fight him in court.

The courts will not make you file for child support but of course you can always file. Count on him wanting to see the child then. An income will be calculated for you at whatever you are capable of making, most likely minimum wage if you have not worked in a while.

 

[Proserpina]

If he hasn't seen her and is showing no interest, you may be best advised to let the lion sleep - specially since you already do effectively have sole custody (by virtue of you being unmarried when child was born).

If there is no order of visitation you are under no obligation to allow any visitation at all. Likewise, if there is no order for child support he's not obliged to pay a dime.

 

[jesserin1998]

I never stopped allowing him to see her. Like I said, I took her to see him more than once on my own dime and time away from work and school. HE stopped making the effort to see her, stopped (never really started) calling or emailing to see how she was doing. The times that he did come see her, which were usually because he was in the area for business, I let him stay with my husband and I (awkward) so that he didnt have to pay for a hotel or food. He ate breakfast lunch and dinner with us, slept in our spare room, used our shower, I dont think that I did anything to prevent him from seeing her. Up until about a year and a half ago I was still emailing him pictures of her but never got any responses. He virtually cut off all contact and rather than having the same old "you need to be involved" conversation with him, again, I just let it fall by the way side. I recently contacted him about signing a form for me to get her a passport and I have been unable to convince him that I am not contacting him about child support. He wont sign the form I need and so I am not sure what to do. If I have sole custody, legally, then I wont need his consent to get the passport. Really, the passport is all I want. But I am not sure how to force him to sign the paper work. So I dont know what my options are. He has asked my husband to adopt her so that it officially gets him off the hook, but because we live overseas (we are military) we cant file the adoption from here, we have no jurisdiction in the United States anymore. The move here was recent, and he had had no contact with my daughter for nearly two years by the time we left. We were able to get her a military passport because she was on my husbands military orders. But now we cant come back to the United States until my husband has orders for us to move again (which wont happen for four years) and I would like to take her to see family this summer. If I filed for sole custody, and he contested, what are the chances that he would be granted visitation? If it hadn't been so long and infrequent between his visits I would love for her to have a relationship with him, but I think at this point she would just be confused, she is very sensitive and intelligent. She calls my husband "Dad" and doesnt acknowledge that she even has another father. She seems to have forgotten all together.

 

[twilightwatch]

I never stopped allowing him to see her. Like I said, I took her to see him more than once on my own dime and time away from work and school. HE stopped making the effort to see her, stopped (never really started) calling or emailing to see how she was doing. The times that he did come see her, which were usually because he was in the area for business, I let him stay with my husband and I (awkward) so that he didnt have to pay for a hotel or food. He ate breakfast lunch and dinner with us, slept in our spare room, used our shower, I dont think that I did anything to prevent him from seeing her. Up until about a year and a half ago I was still emailing him pictures of her but never got any responses. He virtually cut off all contact and rather than having the same old "you need to be involved" conversation with him, again, I just let it fall by the way side. I recently contacted him about signing a form for me to get her a passport and I have been unable to convince him that I am not contacting him about child support. He wont sign the form I need and so I am not sure what to do. If I have sole custody, legally, then I wont need his consent to get the passport. Really, the passport is all I want. But I am not sure how to force him to sign the paper work. So I dont know what my options are. He has asked my husband to adopt her so that it officially gets him off the hook, but because we live overseas (we are military) we cant file the adoption from here, we have no jurisdiction in the United States anymore. The move here was recent, and he had had no contact with my daughter for nearly two years by the time we left. We were able to get her a military passport because she was on my husbands military orders. But now we cant come back to the United States until my husband has orders for us to move again (which wont happen for four years) and I would like to take her to see family this summer. If I filed for sole custody, and he contested, what are the chances that he would be granted visitation? If it hadn't been so long and infrequent between his visits I would love for her to have a relationship with him, but I think at this point she would just be confused, she is very sensitive and intelligent. She calls my husband "Dad" and doesnt acknowledge that she even has another father. She seems to have forgotten all together.

Have you had any resolution in your situation? I am in a similar boat.

 

[Proserpina]

Have you had any resolution in your situation? I am in a similar boat.

Please don't resurrect dead threads.


If you have a legal question, please start your own. Thanks!

 

[bluekiwi]

If he is wanting your husband to adopt her it sounds like he is not necessarily interested in visitation as much as he just does not want to have to pay child support. Maybe if you were to offer him some legal means to prove you would never ask for child support in exchange for signing the paperwork for the passport.