Father seeking full custody

[dougnbetty]

I am the father of one child age 16 months. I have shared custody right now with her mother. We were never married and broke it off before my daughter was born. Soon after she was born my ex would not let me see her untill there was a court order. From the time my daughter was one month old to four months old I could not see her. Then because I could not afford a lawyer I had the legal services in my area that did nothing at all for me. So there is now a court order giving me shared custody. I was happy with this untill the visitations began. First it started with my ex screaming at my girlfriend if she was in the car yelling profanities and make rude gestures. Then my daughter started comming dirty with black in between her fingers one time she even had hair wrapped around one finger and it was puffy and red. She also comes smelling of ciggarette smoke badly and in dirty clothes and unmatched socks. The court order states there will be no smoking by any party around the child. My daughter has also come to my house with a moldy sleeper on. The court order also states that whomever posses custody will keep direct custody of child unless at work or an emergency arises. There has been many times that she has gone out to the local bar and got a babysitter. This christmas I had my daughter for christmas morning and into the day. I dropped her off at her mothers at 7pm. Two days later I find out that she had gotten a babysitter for Christmas day night and went and spent the night at her boyfriends. I could have had more time with her on the holiday instead of her spending it with a babysitter. Isnt this contempt. I know it is going to be a hard road but I think for my daughters mental and physical health I need to get her away from her mother that is also diagnosed with bipolar disorder which she collects disability for.

 

[irish223]

I am the father of one child age 16 months. I have shared custody right now with her mother. We were never married and broke it off before my daughter was born. Soon after she was born my ex would not let me see her untill there was a court order. From the time my daughter was one month old to four months old I could not see her. Then because I could not afford a lawyer I had the legal services in my area that did nothing at all for me. So there is now a court order giving me shared custody. I was happy with this untill the visitations began. First it started with my ex screaming at my girlfriend if she was in the car yelling profanities and make rude gestures.

In that case, you should leave your girlfriend at home when you pick up your child.

Then my daughter started comming dirty with black in between her fingers one time she even had hair wrapped around one finger and it was puffy and red. She also comes smelling of ciggarette smoke badly and in dirty clothes and unmatched socks. The court order states there will be no smoking by any party around the child. My daughter has also come to my house with a moldy sleeper on.

You can try to document this, but you'll have to prove your allegations.

The court order also states that whomever posses custody will keep direct custody of child unless at work or an emergency arises.

Seriously? Your court order seems to prohibit a social life. So, you cannot go out to dinner and leave the child with a sitter?

There has been many times that she has gone out to the local bar and got a babysitter. This christmas I had my daughter for christmas morning and into the day. I dropped her off at her mothers at 7pm. Two days later I find out that she had gotten a babysitter for Christmas day night and went and spent the night at her boyfriends. I could have had more time with her on the holiday instead of her spending it with a babysitter.

I don't doubt you, but how did you discover this?

Isnt this contempt.

If your order is as restrictive as you say, then it does seem that she's in comtempt.

I know it is going to be a hard road but I think for my daughters mental and physical health I need to get her away from her mother that is also diagnosed with bipolar disorder which she collects disability for.

It will be a hard road. Her disability does not prevent her from parenting unless she refuses proper treatment. You will have to prove that. You will also have to prove that the mother is neglectful, and IMO your post doesn't provide enough evidence of neglect.

You may succeed in your contempt motion, but that doesn't mean custody will necessarily change.

 

[dougnbetty]

Your telling me because my ex can not act like an adult I should not have my girlfriend in the car. That seems ridiculous.

 

[Gail_in_Georgia]

Quite frankly, you are coming off as someone who has found a new "mother" for this child; your girlfriend. Your previous girlfriend likely feels this same way.

The two of you are a real piece of cake. You were both good enough for each other at the time to make a baby without bothering to be married; however, neither of you seem mature enough to handle the current situation with shared parenting. And, as happens in so many of these situations, the child becomes the pawn between two immature parents.

Gail

 

[irish223]

Your telling me because my ex can not act like an adult I should not have my girlfriend in the car. That seems ridiculous.

That's odd. This is the first problem you brought up in your post, and it's the only comment of my many comments/questions to which you responded. Yes, that's odd, and very telling.

 

[Duranie]

Choose your battles carefully. If having your girlfriend in the car is worth a HUGE fight with the mother in front of the child, then keep doing it but I think it is silly.

You both need to grow up and learn to co-parent. See an attorney if you want to file for custody they will tell you your chances. When you have babies with crazy people this is what happens.

Honestly there is really nothing in your post what would warrant a custody change but you could file contempt on the first right of refusal. speak to an attorney they can best guide you.

 

[dougnbetty]

I want her mother to be in her life. But I dont like the fact that she is unclean all the time. I also hate the fact that her mother smokes around her and allows others to do the same. My girlfriend does love my daughter but she nor I am trying to replace my daughters mother. Maybe I have not told enough of the facts for you to realize that I really think my daughter is not being taken care of properly at her mothers.

 

[dougnbetty]

There is no longer fights with her mother it was only in the beginning but as you said it was silly and my girlfriend thought the same and would not fight with my ex. She also said that she understood as a mother and wrote my ex a letter telling her she did not want to fight or replace her and that my ex was the mother and she was not there to step on her toes. from that the fights are no longer there unless my ex is having a bad day that she later apoligizes for.

 

[Duranie]

Your girlfriend needs to totally stay out of it.

You cannot do much but see an attorney. if mom is smoking around the child and not giving you first right of refusal then you file the appropriate motions in court.