PFL20000431
New Member
Folks, I know this is long, but please, please read it when you have time. It explains so much and could enlighten you to helping me prepare for what to tell a lawyer in a more concise manner. If any of you has the willingness to rewrite this mess, will you please help me so I can give it to him next week and not overwhelm him. Purging the facts for you was healing for me, an exercise to validate why I need to hire a lawyer to protect my kids and myself from future harm.....here goes:
After the trial in Feb 2007, the boys went with their father every Mon, Tues, Thurs and 3 weekends/mo as I was awarded only 8 days/mo. being alleged as a probation violee for not going to anger mgmt in 1999, which of course I did. At this trial, I was also accused of being mentally ill b/c I was on disability. The kids' father knew I was disabled due to a bleeding disorder--ITP--andf breast cancer, both life threatening at the time, both healed now.
I was also accused of being unemployed b/c I did not show 'typical' paychecks, but I am a private nursing provider (RN) to ventilator dependent clients. The father knew this too, but railroaded me to get sole physical and avoid child support. We have been divorced since 1999, I had 80% in 2001 from the ct appointed child attorney and mediation. Father's lawyer is his sister, aunt gail, other sister is an LA law enforcement officer. I stood no chance of fair custody determination. In fact, the past 8 years I have gone back to court 3 times without legal representation asking for 1/2 shared expenses and proper support but each time ended up with less custody and still no fair guideline or shared expenses. Our sons are now 13, 15, 17 and want to live with me fulltime. I need help in rewriting this documentation. That I am incompetent going into court solo is obvious.
My other question is what I need to say to a judge that explains why I violated the 2007 ct orders when father agreed to boys living with me up until I filed for COC and shared expenses again then renegged and accused me of kidnapping! Help please. Reasons below:
Years before the trial in 2007, our 3 boys have been coming over to my home daily after-school to do their homework, eat dinner, shower and change into clean clothes before being picked up around 6p by their father. Even though it doesn't state this arrangement in any orders, it was an unwritten agreement that accomodated the father, not having to pay school costs, food or clothing. He used this privilege as leverage to take away anytime the boys misbehaved or asked too often to come to my house. The first agreement before this one that he violated, about restoring my physical custody, is explained below*
After trying to raise the boys alone for 4 months and failing, meeting with their academic deterioration, chronic tardiness, detentions and acting-out behaviors; plus the boys telling their counselor in front of him how their father won't let them see their mother, how much they missed me, he finally agreed to let the kids come over again daily after-school. Then, 6 months later in April 2008, he verbally acknowledged on our front porch, stating to me and our oldest son, "ok, we'll see how it goes from here as a trial", and then to our other son on 11/08, "Ok, but I will not stand for any child of mine telling me what they are going to do or where they are going to live, what I say is how it will go, is that clear?" and then with our youngest son, "You can stay with your mother, but remember this: it doesn't matter what you or your mother wants, only what I think is best for you". At the same time each child gave him their hand-written letter(s) explaining their concerns and wishes to spend more time with me and have an open-type schedule.
Since those dates of agreement, their father stopped coming on "his days" to pick them up. Except for one Monday or Tuesday or Thursday a week, after-which they had first communicated on the phone ahead of time, as well as to negotiate weekends, he rarely called at all. Often we did not see him except once or twice a month...even during the last 2 summers of 2008 and 2009, he did not show up on his days off from work vacation, did not take the kids on any summer vacations or even over the holidays except Christmas for 3 days. Things for the boys stabilized and as long as I didn't ask for money and paid for all the orthodontics, chiropractics, co-pays and insurance deductibles. I never discouraged the kids from going with him when he called for those occasional visits. I documented each date.
The boys are involved in youth group, have an active social life as pre-teens and excel in team sports and school extracurriculars like jazz band and the USASA ski team that I coach at Sierra. I afford this lifestyle without his help. He adamantly disagrees with organized religion, does not support team sports, and forbids rock music or TV in his house saying they are satanic --there are a lot of normal activities the kids do not get to do when living with him. (He is a roving religious fanatic, goes to his church 4-5 days a week, and has never been fishing or camping or skiing with us because it interferes with his beliefs against socializing with non-believers. Big difference in our parenting styles, which is the main reason the kids dislike his home, besides that it is sordid filthy. This fanaticism escalated during our marriage, leading to the divorce. Because of his beliefs on divorce, I am being punished everyday since.
It wasn't until I spoke with the child support worker asking about the change of circumstances that the shit hit the fan. She requested his I&E on several occasions and after 6 months, subpoenaed his paychecks and filed a motion for modification, as well as 1/2 shared uninsured medical expenses. He was then given the anticipated guideline support amount of $800/mo plus $300 shared and the court date was set for 9/14/09.
It was around August that he began demanding the boys "come home everyday from now on, times' up", and when they begged to stay, he began to call me and make remarks such as, "you know you are violating court orders" and threats "if you continue to let the boys stay, I guarantee you'll never see them again..." So I forced them to go with him at least 3 days a week up until the hearing. 3 weeks ago, we went to court and in less than 3 minutes the DCSS lawyer and I were dismissed, me having been accused of "kidnapping" the boys the past 17 months! Neither of us were given opportunity to respond to the allegations, as it was obvious the commissioner and lawyer had discussed this in detail before the hearing. They are, after all, cycling partners. Now the boys are conflicted. Their father is telling them he had nothing to do with this, that the judge ordered them back with him, and if they refuse, I will be jailed and they will go into Foster care! Of course they know I didn't kidnap them and that he has been complacent and agreeable to the schedule as it was the past 17 months. He never had to pay but $44/mo support.
* Regarding the agreement after the trial: At my 2/07 trial, we made an agreement in the hallway after-wards that I would receive joint physical custody again upon meeting the order requisites; (which I had met already, but could not proove it, being in my big PFL file This requisite consisted of surprise tactic alleging I was in violation since 1999 for not proving I had completed a 6 day class of anger management!--At that time, his cop sister had him call 911 one day to report I 'threatened his life" and was homicidal against the children! I was given probation of 6 days anger-mgmt classes. He and his lawyer demanded I get a counselor to testify I didn't have anger issues as well as get another $2000 mental health exam because they didn't believe the first one done in 2005 by the forensic psycho-neurologist was accurate! (It showed no tendencies towards mental illness diagnosis'.)They told me once I did this, and showed proof, we wouldn't have to go back to court. I believed them.
a) when I showed the proof a month later, he blew me off and laughed saying, "see you in court again then?" and drove away with our kids in the car, flipping me the bird with his hand held down at the side of his door.
>>>>>>>>OK, I called and made an appointment with the best lawyer in this town today: $10,000 retainer, 350/hr, $250 consultation fee. I left a message since it was a recording and plan to follow through.
I am scared. I used to have so much anxiety facing my X, afraid of what he was going to do next to sabotage and hurt me. He has been harassing me incessantly since 2005, like calling my supervisor at the hospital where I was just hired as a charge nurse to warn them of me being 'mentally ill' and get me fired, he told the kids' teachers at the middle school that I had a 'restraining order' against seeing my children and wasn't allowed on campus, he told the Principal at the HS that I shouldn't be allowed to coach the ski team because I was unstable and dangerous around kids, he demanded I be excluded from any school meetings, told the guidance counselor to forward any school info directly to him since I was "mentally ill", he changed the school emergency-call record cards, taking my name off as their mother, and instead put his sister's name and phone number (she lives in LA) as the second in line emergency contact, he changed the boys' pediatrician that they've had since birth, to a new MD w/o telling me--telling him I was a 'dangerous unstable parent with no custody rights'....it's been horrible having to stay vigilant and yet holding my head up high. That's why I keep a sense of humor to fall back on during the tough times like this. Otherwise, I would be mentally ill!
I am not sure any lawyer could stand up to his brilliant lawyer-sister; I never stood a chance of a win-win arrangement. His other sister, an LA cop, has been coaching him from day 1 on how to frame me and establish a record as unstable. I never did anything to these people..... So, if I sound scared and have been afraid to go back to court, this is why.
After the trial in Feb 2007, the boys went with their father every Mon, Tues, Thurs and 3 weekends/mo as I was awarded only 8 days/mo. being alleged as a probation violee for not going to anger mgmt in 1999, which of course I did. At this trial, I was also accused of being mentally ill b/c I was on disability. The kids' father knew I was disabled due to a bleeding disorder--ITP--andf breast cancer, both life threatening at the time, both healed now.
I was also accused of being unemployed b/c I did not show 'typical' paychecks, but I am a private nursing provider (RN) to ventilator dependent clients. The father knew this too, but railroaded me to get sole physical and avoid child support. We have been divorced since 1999, I had 80% in 2001 from the ct appointed child attorney and mediation. Father's lawyer is his sister, aunt gail, other sister is an LA law enforcement officer. I stood no chance of fair custody determination. In fact, the past 8 years I have gone back to court 3 times without legal representation asking for 1/2 shared expenses and proper support but each time ended up with less custody and still no fair guideline or shared expenses. Our sons are now 13, 15, 17 and want to live with me fulltime. I need help in rewriting this documentation. That I am incompetent going into court solo is obvious.
My other question is what I need to say to a judge that explains why I violated the 2007 ct orders when father agreed to boys living with me up until I filed for COC and shared expenses again then renegged and accused me of kidnapping! Help please. Reasons below:
Years before the trial in 2007, our 3 boys have been coming over to my home daily after-school to do their homework, eat dinner, shower and change into clean clothes before being picked up around 6p by their father. Even though it doesn't state this arrangement in any orders, it was an unwritten agreement that accomodated the father, not having to pay school costs, food or clothing. He used this privilege as leverage to take away anytime the boys misbehaved or asked too often to come to my house. The first agreement before this one that he violated, about restoring my physical custody, is explained below*
After trying to raise the boys alone for 4 months and failing, meeting with their academic deterioration, chronic tardiness, detentions and acting-out behaviors; plus the boys telling their counselor in front of him how their father won't let them see their mother, how much they missed me, he finally agreed to let the kids come over again daily after-school. Then, 6 months later in April 2008, he verbally acknowledged on our front porch, stating to me and our oldest son, "ok, we'll see how it goes from here as a trial", and then to our other son on 11/08, "Ok, but I will not stand for any child of mine telling me what they are going to do or where they are going to live, what I say is how it will go, is that clear?" and then with our youngest son, "You can stay with your mother, but remember this: it doesn't matter what you or your mother wants, only what I think is best for you". At the same time each child gave him their hand-written letter(s) explaining their concerns and wishes to spend more time with me and have an open-type schedule.
Since those dates of agreement, their father stopped coming on "his days" to pick them up. Except for one Monday or Tuesday or Thursday a week, after-which they had first communicated on the phone ahead of time, as well as to negotiate weekends, he rarely called at all. Often we did not see him except once or twice a month...even during the last 2 summers of 2008 and 2009, he did not show up on his days off from work vacation, did not take the kids on any summer vacations or even over the holidays except Christmas for 3 days. Things for the boys stabilized and as long as I didn't ask for money and paid for all the orthodontics, chiropractics, co-pays and insurance deductibles. I never discouraged the kids from going with him when he called for those occasional visits. I documented each date.
The boys are involved in youth group, have an active social life as pre-teens and excel in team sports and school extracurriculars like jazz band and the USASA ski team that I coach at Sierra. I afford this lifestyle without his help. He adamantly disagrees with organized religion, does not support team sports, and forbids rock music or TV in his house saying they are satanic --there are a lot of normal activities the kids do not get to do when living with him. (He is a roving religious fanatic, goes to his church 4-5 days a week, and has never been fishing or camping or skiing with us because it interferes with his beliefs against socializing with non-believers. Big difference in our parenting styles, which is the main reason the kids dislike his home, besides that it is sordid filthy. This fanaticism escalated during our marriage, leading to the divorce. Because of his beliefs on divorce, I am being punished everyday since.
It wasn't until I spoke with the child support worker asking about the change of circumstances that the shit hit the fan. She requested his I&E on several occasions and after 6 months, subpoenaed his paychecks and filed a motion for modification, as well as 1/2 shared uninsured medical expenses. He was then given the anticipated guideline support amount of $800/mo plus $300 shared and the court date was set for 9/14/09.
It was around August that he began demanding the boys "come home everyday from now on, times' up", and when they begged to stay, he began to call me and make remarks such as, "you know you are violating court orders" and threats "if you continue to let the boys stay, I guarantee you'll never see them again..." So I forced them to go with him at least 3 days a week up until the hearing. 3 weeks ago, we went to court and in less than 3 minutes the DCSS lawyer and I were dismissed, me having been accused of "kidnapping" the boys the past 17 months! Neither of us were given opportunity to respond to the allegations, as it was obvious the commissioner and lawyer had discussed this in detail before the hearing. They are, after all, cycling partners. Now the boys are conflicted. Their father is telling them he had nothing to do with this, that the judge ordered them back with him, and if they refuse, I will be jailed and they will go into Foster care! Of course they know I didn't kidnap them and that he has been complacent and agreeable to the schedule as it was the past 17 months. He never had to pay but $44/mo support.
* Regarding the agreement after the trial: At my 2/07 trial, we made an agreement in the hallway after-wards that I would receive joint physical custody again upon meeting the order requisites; (which I had met already, but could not proove it, being in my big PFL file This requisite consisted of surprise tactic alleging I was in violation since 1999 for not proving I had completed a 6 day class of anger management!--At that time, his cop sister had him call 911 one day to report I 'threatened his life" and was homicidal against the children! I was given probation of 6 days anger-mgmt classes. He and his lawyer demanded I get a counselor to testify I didn't have anger issues as well as get another $2000 mental health exam because they didn't believe the first one done in 2005 by the forensic psycho-neurologist was accurate! (It showed no tendencies towards mental illness diagnosis'.)They told me once I did this, and showed proof, we wouldn't have to go back to court. I believed them.
a) when I showed the proof a month later, he blew me off and laughed saying, "see you in court again then?" and drove away with our kids in the car, flipping me the bird with his hand held down at the side of his door.
>>>>>>>>OK, I called and made an appointment with the best lawyer in this town today: $10,000 retainer, 350/hr, $250 consultation fee. I left a message since it was a recording and plan to follow through.
I am scared. I used to have so much anxiety facing my X, afraid of what he was going to do next to sabotage and hurt me. He has been harassing me incessantly since 2005, like calling my supervisor at the hospital where I was just hired as a charge nurse to warn them of me being 'mentally ill' and get me fired, he told the kids' teachers at the middle school that I had a 'restraining order' against seeing my children and wasn't allowed on campus, he told the Principal at the HS that I shouldn't be allowed to coach the ski team because I was unstable and dangerous around kids, he demanded I be excluded from any school meetings, told the guidance counselor to forward any school info directly to him since I was "mentally ill", he changed the school emergency-call record cards, taking my name off as their mother, and instead put his sister's name and phone number (she lives in LA) as the second in line emergency contact, he changed the boys' pediatrician that they've had since birth, to a new MD w/o telling me--telling him I was a 'dangerous unstable parent with no custody rights'....it's been horrible having to stay vigilant and yet holding my head up high. That's why I keep a sense of humor to fall back on during the tough times like this. Otherwise, I would be mentally ill!
I am not sure any lawyer could stand up to his brilliant lawyer-sister; I never stood a chance of a win-win arrangement. His other sister, an LA cop, has been coaching him from day 1 on how to frame me and establish a record as unstable. I never did anything to these people..... So, if I sound scared and have been afraid to go back to court, this is why.
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