Ok this is my story,
Divorce final Jan 2009.
I was awarded full physical and joint legal of our 4 young children. Child support was 2100 mo. My ex made 5500 mo.
I spent 10 years as a stay at home mom.
Oct 08 I moved downriver closer to my family with the children.
Feb 2009 ex loses his job, march 2009 I am in mediation for a review of child support. (motion was filed by ex) Divorce was signed just 3 weeks prior to him losing his job.
mediator decides enough time hasn't passed since the divorce to allow time for my ex to find a job and asks us to come back in May.
I in the meantime am trying to find a job, and finishing up pre-reques to get into the nursing program in the fall of 2009.
May 2009 mediation, I have found a job that pays 8.00 hr but only 20 hrs a week. My take home is 700.00 a month. Mediator changes child support to 700.00 a month ( half of my ex's unemployment). Keep in mind that my ex has only electric and food to pay. He lived in our home for a year that was being foreclosed on. She also took away all of the back support that was owed.
June 2009 the company I was working for lost clients and since I was the newest employee there were no hours for me any longer.
My boyfriend pays my June and July rent payment of 930.00 to try and buy time for me to find another job, and be able to go to school in the fall. He also helped me pay some of my bills. But he also had responsibilities of his own, and couldn't continue helping me. My Boyfriend I met online while I was seperated from my ex. He was from california.
I am realizing that I am going to lose my apartment, and chances at going to school are quickly slipping away. I get food stamps and go to pantrys to feed my children, and ask family for help. A place to stay for school, no one will help me. Downriver Michigan is a hard hit area for unemployment ( worst in the country) and they are trying to take care of their own families. There is no housing help, it dried up a few months prior.
July 2009 I am served with a motion for my ex to take full custody of the kids, making false accusations.
July 2009 we are in mediation about the motion, my ex brings a lawyer which actually angers the mediator.
I talk to a lawyer, he tells me that my ex's situation is slightly better than mine, (he was recieving 1400.00 mo and had a place to take the kids) and that the best thing for me to do is get through school.
Aug 09 we sign papers that he would go live with his parents, while I went to school. He still had not found a job. The only option after trying to find any other was for me to come out to california to get through school. I was to come out here to school for about 10 months.
The papers state that we have joint legal and physical custody, and once I return to michigan we would decide how the 50/50 would work. It also stated that neither of us would pay child support. I enrolled into an accelerated full time program to get done as quickly as I could, which left little room for employment.
My ex was still collecting 1400.00 mo, and living with his parents, so he had no bills. This seemed to be the best option. My focus out here has been school.
He has violated many things in the order since then. Getting ahold of my kids has been difficult.
He failed to inform the kid's teachers that I was out here for school. I went home in Dec 09 to see the kids, and visited their school. All he had told anyone was that I left for california to live with my bf. They had no idea that I was out here for school, with plans to return. My oldest son's teacher was also not aware that he was going to be evaluated for aspergers.
My ex took my oldest to a counselor in Oct 09, I did not find out until Dec 09, and it took me 2 weeks and finally a threat to get the info from foc for him to give me the counselors info.
My ex did not tell the counselor about the possible asperger's, also did not tell her why i was out here, therefore my sons behaviors were being labeled as abandonment and depression.
It was a violation for him to take my son to a counselor without my permission as well. The counselor told me that he did not tell her he had joint custody, that he had full, so she did not see any reason to contact me. I have been in regular contact with her since I got her information.
March 2010 I get a parental time complaint that my ex has filed. complaints have nothing to do with parental time, and they are complaints such as who has to pay for internet,complaints that are flat out lies. Telling them that I am forcing him to buy a computer, and that he is never allowed to be in the room while I see the kids on webcam, and that I tried to force him to wake the kids at 10:30 at night to see me on webcam. None of this is true. There were other things but all along the same lines.
March 2010 Ex files for a review of child support.
It is stated in our papers that neither of us would get child support while I was in school.
He filed knowing that I was making 400.00 a month if I was lucky at my job He filed just days before he started his new job, making 5000k a month. He knows that I will be getting married.
He is also still living at his parents, with no bills.
I don't have issues with paying child support, but I want to be back in Michigan. That will prolong my stay here if half my paycheck goes to him.
He is still living in his parents home, now bringing home 5k. I called to ask him why? He stated that it sounded like I was making a lot of money, because I was so busy.
All these motions were filed by him, I have not filed one because I did not want this for my kids. I grew up with parents who hated each other, and my dad did everything he could to keep our mom from us, and make us hate her.
I later found out that the reason he had money for a lawyer back in Aug 09 was because he has been operating two side businesses. Unfortunatly these would be hard to prove. My ex is a grad from U of M, and therefore thinks he is smarter than me. I am sure he covered his tracks for those businesses.
I am frustrated, I have 2 weeks of school left, then 4 weeks of externship. I have carried a 4.0 gpa throughout, so I haven't been screwing around out here.
I believe that once he realized that just because we have a 50/50 split that he could still end up paying child support, that this is what everything is about. He doesn't want to pay anything. He will always make substantially more than I do, at least for a while until I can get more school done, and experience.
My goal was to be able to support my children on my own, without anyone else, and without welfare.
I have hard choices, Externship has the possibility of offering me a job. To be able to take this for a few months to get experience will be good for me down the road. I turn it down, it will be a little harder starting out, and most likely less pay. Now Im faced with, do I return home immediately after extern, and just see what I can find, or do I finish this the right way. I am afraid that if I do stay, he will get child support, and it will take me much longer to try and get home to my kids, and reestablishing a home for my kids will be much harder.
But If I return home without getting that exp. I will have wasted 9 months away from my children. I am so frustrated, I have moved on with my life, I will be getting married again soon. My fiance' will be out in Michigan in March 2011 when the plant is finished.
I miss my kids, I dont know what to do. I feel like I should just get home, and deal with it all there. I am afraid also if I stay out here much longer, he will once again try to take custody.
Its as if he has been positioning himself to do so, and collect child support from me (as payback it seems). He blames me for us losing everything, the house. Its as if he doesnt realize that four children cost money. It just feels like this is all revenge for him, and he isnt stopping and thinking about the kids.
I think he wants child support established from me, because to do so with my 1500-2k a month I will start off making would make it near impossible for me to afford a place large enough for me and the kids.
I really don't know how to make him stop. Im tired of his lying to people, his false accusations he files.
I want to know, if i stay a few months longer, is that going to hurt me with re-establishing a home for my kids. Will he have a reason to be able to try to get full physical? Or am I safe to finish what I have started out here. It will take me a few months longer than I had planned, or is the safest choice to just get home? and how can I get him to stop filing whenever he feels like it. It feels like he is trying to get a paper trail, to make me look bad in the courts.
Thank you
mscott
Divorce final Jan 2009.
I was awarded full physical and joint legal of our 4 young children. Child support was 2100 mo. My ex made 5500 mo.
I spent 10 years as a stay at home mom.
Oct 08 I moved downriver closer to my family with the children.
Feb 2009 ex loses his job, march 2009 I am in mediation for a review of child support. (motion was filed by ex) Divorce was signed just 3 weeks prior to him losing his job.
mediator decides enough time hasn't passed since the divorce to allow time for my ex to find a job and asks us to come back in May.
I in the meantime am trying to find a job, and finishing up pre-reques to get into the nursing program in the fall of 2009.
May 2009 mediation, I have found a job that pays 8.00 hr but only 20 hrs a week. My take home is 700.00 a month. Mediator changes child support to 700.00 a month ( half of my ex's unemployment). Keep in mind that my ex has only electric and food to pay. He lived in our home for a year that was being foreclosed on. She also took away all of the back support that was owed.
June 2009 the company I was working for lost clients and since I was the newest employee there were no hours for me any longer.
My boyfriend pays my June and July rent payment of 930.00 to try and buy time for me to find another job, and be able to go to school in the fall. He also helped me pay some of my bills. But he also had responsibilities of his own, and couldn't continue helping me. My Boyfriend I met online while I was seperated from my ex. He was from california.
I am realizing that I am going to lose my apartment, and chances at going to school are quickly slipping away. I get food stamps and go to pantrys to feed my children, and ask family for help. A place to stay for school, no one will help me. Downriver Michigan is a hard hit area for unemployment ( worst in the country) and they are trying to take care of their own families. There is no housing help, it dried up a few months prior.
July 2009 I am served with a motion for my ex to take full custody of the kids, making false accusations.
July 2009 we are in mediation about the motion, my ex brings a lawyer which actually angers the mediator.
I talk to a lawyer, he tells me that my ex's situation is slightly better than mine, (he was recieving 1400.00 mo and had a place to take the kids) and that the best thing for me to do is get through school.
Aug 09 we sign papers that he would go live with his parents, while I went to school. He still had not found a job. The only option after trying to find any other was for me to come out to california to get through school. I was to come out here to school for about 10 months.
The papers state that we have joint legal and physical custody, and once I return to michigan we would decide how the 50/50 would work. It also stated that neither of us would pay child support. I enrolled into an accelerated full time program to get done as quickly as I could, which left little room for employment.
My ex was still collecting 1400.00 mo, and living with his parents, so he had no bills. This seemed to be the best option. My focus out here has been school.
He has violated many things in the order since then. Getting ahold of my kids has been difficult.
He failed to inform the kid's teachers that I was out here for school. I went home in Dec 09 to see the kids, and visited their school. All he had told anyone was that I left for california to live with my bf. They had no idea that I was out here for school, with plans to return. My oldest son's teacher was also not aware that he was going to be evaluated for aspergers.
My ex took my oldest to a counselor in Oct 09, I did not find out until Dec 09, and it took me 2 weeks and finally a threat to get the info from foc for him to give me the counselors info.
My ex did not tell the counselor about the possible asperger's, also did not tell her why i was out here, therefore my sons behaviors were being labeled as abandonment and depression.
It was a violation for him to take my son to a counselor without my permission as well. The counselor told me that he did not tell her he had joint custody, that he had full, so she did not see any reason to contact me. I have been in regular contact with her since I got her information.
March 2010 I get a parental time complaint that my ex has filed. complaints have nothing to do with parental time, and they are complaints such as who has to pay for internet,complaints that are flat out lies. Telling them that I am forcing him to buy a computer, and that he is never allowed to be in the room while I see the kids on webcam, and that I tried to force him to wake the kids at 10:30 at night to see me on webcam. None of this is true. There were other things but all along the same lines.
March 2010 Ex files for a review of child support.
It is stated in our papers that neither of us would get child support while I was in school.
He filed knowing that I was making 400.00 a month if I was lucky at my job He filed just days before he started his new job, making 5000k a month. He knows that I will be getting married.
He is also still living at his parents, with no bills.
I don't have issues with paying child support, but I want to be back in Michigan. That will prolong my stay here if half my paycheck goes to him.
He is still living in his parents home, now bringing home 5k. I called to ask him why? He stated that it sounded like I was making a lot of money, because I was so busy.
All these motions were filed by him, I have not filed one because I did not want this for my kids. I grew up with parents who hated each other, and my dad did everything he could to keep our mom from us, and make us hate her.
I later found out that the reason he had money for a lawyer back in Aug 09 was because he has been operating two side businesses. Unfortunatly these would be hard to prove. My ex is a grad from U of M, and therefore thinks he is smarter than me. I am sure he covered his tracks for those businesses.
I am frustrated, I have 2 weeks of school left, then 4 weeks of externship. I have carried a 4.0 gpa throughout, so I haven't been screwing around out here.
I believe that once he realized that just because we have a 50/50 split that he could still end up paying child support, that this is what everything is about. He doesn't want to pay anything. He will always make substantially more than I do, at least for a while until I can get more school done, and experience.
My goal was to be able to support my children on my own, without anyone else, and without welfare.
I have hard choices, Externship has the possibility of offering me a job. To be able to take this for a few months to get experience will be good for me down the road. I turn it down, it will be a little harder starting out, and most likely less pay. Now Im faced with, do I return home immediately after extern, and just see what I can find, or do I finish this the right way. I am afraid that if I do stay, he will get child support, and it will take me much longer to try and get home to my kids, and reestablishing a home for my kids will be much harder.
But If I return home without getting that exp. I will have wasted 9 months away from my children. I am so frustrated, I have moved on with my life, I will be getting married again soon. My fiance' will be out in Michigan in March 2011 when the plant is finished.
I miss my kids, I dont know what to do. I feel like I should just get home, and deal with it all there. I am afraid also if I stay out here much longer, he will once again try to take custody.
Its as if he has been positioning himself to do so, and collect child support from me (as payback it seems). He blames me for us losing everything, the house. Its as if he doesnt realize that four children cost money. It just feels like this is all revenge for him, and he isnt stopping and thinking about the kids.
I think he wants child support established from me, because to do so with my 1500-2k a month I will start off making would make it near impossible for me to afford a place large enough for me and the kids.
I really don't know how to make him stop. Im tired of his lying to people, his false accusations he files.
I want to know, if i stay a few months longer, is that going to hurt me with re-establishing a home for my kids. Will he have a reason to be able to try to get full physical? Or am I safe to finish what I have started out here. It will take me a few months longer than I had planned, or is the safest choice to just get home? and how can I get him to stop filing whenever he feels like it. It feels like he is trying to get a paper trail, to make me look bad in the courts.
Thank you
mscott
