Just to start with some background.. My husband is 26 years older than me. We met when I was 18 and got married when I was 23. We now have a 5 year old daughter. 3 years ago, my husband got fired from his job, and was out of work for 2 years and wouldn't even pump gas for food on the table. As a result, we also lost our house to foreclosure and have moved into a townhouse/condo where we have lived for a year and 1/2. This was near Cape Cod. He is working, but I have just become increasingly more and more unhappy and my daughter feels it too. I am now 30 years old. Maybe it's just that I've grown up and realized I want different things. I'm not the same as I was when I was 20. Last October, I decided to take a job closer to my family (North of Boston), and I started staying at my sister's house 3 nights a week so I don't commute everyday. (Before taking the job, My daughter and I were spending most weekends at my sister's). The more time I had to think, the more I realized how unhappy I have been, and I just do not love my husband anymore. I care for him, but I am not in love with him and for me to stay would be unfair to everyone. He deserves to have someone who can love him the way he should be loved.... I told him at the beginning of this year, that I was going to be leaving. Since then, it has been alot of arguing back and forth, and stress on all of us including my daughter. In the middle of all of this, I had starting talking to male friend who has been a good friend of the family for years. Turns out he was in a simliar situation as me. We hit it off, and have had numerous talks, and have signed a lease for an apartment together. I have not done anything legally yet to separate from my husband, however, we have now been separated for a few months.
He is now informing me that I am not allowed to have my daughter if it is just the three of us (me, boyfriend and daughter), and that I can't live with him until I am divorced. I understand that he is hurt and feels like another man is taking over where he was. But in reality, I have done everything to ease everyone into this transition, and my husband just refused to move on. It has been a few months now and he hasn't attempted to find a new place to live at all. I know I need to just legalize the separation but, I have no money to do so, unless we can just agree on everything and file. But now, I feel as though he may try to fight me for custody of my daugther. My question, is that where nothing has been filed legally, does my husband have the right to say that I can not live with this other person with my daughter? I understand he has rights concerning our child, but can he really say that I'm not allowed to have her alone with him? This "friend" that I speak of is not the reason for me leaving my husband. It has been coming now for years, I just never had the guts to do it. But, my husband doesn't understand this. He feels as though I have just cheated on him and am moving on to something better. Given the distance, my daughter stays with me at my sister's house where 6 people already reside. She sleeps on the love seat, and I sleep on the couch and it is just really not the best living situation for me or my daughter. She goes to preschool near my work and the apartment that I have signed a lease to is right near by as well. She is happy and healthy and does well in school. I also need to register her for kindergarden but, can't do that if I'm not "living" in the apartment. It is a great place, a great neighborhood, she woudl have her own room, lots of other kids in the area, etc... It overall would be a better living situation for her. I also cater to my husband in that on Friday's I drive my daughter to his work and she spedns the weekends with him. I also would like to try and get my daughter every other weekend because I feel as though, I do all the breakfast, school, dinner, bath, bed stuff.. and never get to have the fun times with he ron the weekends.... Also, my husband has been saying things in front of my daughter that just aren't true. He tries to put her in the middle adn telling her that I have a boyfriend. I try to tell him not to say these things to her, and that I want the 2 of us to sit down and talk to her about it, but he just fights with me and can't be an adult about it, and stay on the same page for her sake. Should I just talk to her on my own???
I guess my legal question is where do I go from here? I have been the main source of care for my daughter since she was born. I take care of everything... and I'm trying to move on and have us have a better life. If I move in and we start staying at the apartment I just got, does my husband have a shot of getting custody? He is saying he will tell a judge that I live with my boyfriend and my daughter and that this makes me unfit. What should I do? Where do I go from here? I am not a revengeful person, I hate conflict and I am doing the best I can to make this as easy as possible on everyone, but he is just making it impossible to talk to. What do I do?
He is now informing me that I am not allowed to have my daughter if it is just the three of us (me, boyfriend and daughter), and that I can't live with him until I am divorced. I understand that he is hurt and feels like another man is taking over where he was. But in reality, I have done everything to ease everyone into this transition, and my husband just refused to move on. It has been a few months now and he hasn't attempted to find a new place to live at all. I know I need to just legalize the separation but, I have no money to do so, unless we can just agree on everything and file. But now, I feel as though he may try to fight me for custody of my daugther. My question, is that where nothing has been filed legally, does my husband have the right to say that I can not live with this other person with my daughter? I understand he has rights concerning our child, but can he really say that I'm not allowed to have her alone with him? This "friend" that I speak of is not the reason for me leaving my husband. It has been coming now for years, I just never had the guts to do it. But, my husband doesn't understand this. He feels as though I have just cheated on him and am moving on to something better. Given the distance, my daughter stays with me at my sister's house where 6 people already reside. She sleeps on the love seat, and I sleep on the couch and it is just really not the best living situation for me or my daughter. She goes to preschool near my work and the apartment that I have signed a lease to is right near by as well. She is happy and healthy and does well in school. I also need to register her for kindergarden but, can't do that if I'm not "living" in the apartment. It is a great place, a great neighborhood, she woudl have her own room, lots of other kids in the area, etc... It overall would be a better living situation for her. I also cater to my husband in that on Friday's I drive my daughter to his work and she spedns the weekends with him. I also would like to try and get my daughter every other weekend because I feel as though, I do all the breakfast, school, dinner, bath, bed stuff.. and never get to have the fun times with he ron the weekends.... Also, my husband has been saying things in front of my daughter that just aren't true. He tries to put her in the middle adn telling her that I have a boyfriend. I try to tell him not to say these things to her, and that I want the 2 of us to sit down and talk to her about it, but he just fights with me and can't be an adult about it, and stay on the same page for her sake. Should I just talk to her on my own???
I guess my legal question is where do I go from here? I have been the main source of care for my daughter since she was born. I take care of everything... and I'm trying to move on and have us have a better life. If I move in and we start staying at the apartment I just got, does my husband have a shot of getting custody? He is saying he will tell a judge that I live with my boyfriend and my daughter and that this makes me unfit. What should I do? Where do I go from here? I am not a revengeful person, I hate conflict and I am doing the best I can to make this as easy as possible on everyone, but he is just making it impossible to talk to. What do I do?
