Custody of my nephews

[Darragh]

My brother and his ex-girlfriend were raising their two boys together. WHile the oldest boy is not biologically my brothers, he is the only father the boy has known, and the younger is his biological son. After they split up they only had a verbal agreement for custody. at the beginning of April she failed to show up at the appointed time and place to give the kids to my brother and none of us has heard from her since. He has done very little in the way of finding them, he says he is afraid if he does anything to make his ex mad he will never see either of the kids again. I know if nothing is done he will not see them for sure.
The older boy is undiagnosed but clearly mentally challenged and is prone to violent episodes. His mother has refused to get any sort of testing done but my aunts who work with the handicapped are both very certain that the boy is autistic.
For the safety of both children i want to apply for custody of them both but i don't know where to start. All of the boys extended family, as well as myself, live in Pennsylvania. my brother is now in North Carolina, and the boys are believed to be in Missouri. Last i heard she had gotten married and was living on or near the fort Leonard wood base. I know who the older boys biological father is, but i do not know if he would be willing to help if i approached him. I have a 4 year old girl of my own and am more than capable of taking care of her and my nephews, plus my school district has all the resources that an autistic child requires.
I just need to know where to begin...

 

[Proserpina]

You would have to prove BOTH parents of BOTH children unfit if you wish to have any chance at custody.

Unless they agreed to give you custody voluntarily.

In all honesty I believe your chances are incredibly slim at best; what you are probably best advised doing is encourage your brother to go to court and have custody of his child legally established and then he can get an order of visitation for his child. He will not have visitation of the other child.

By all means have an initial consultation with a family attorney but so far nothing you has said has indicated that Mom is even vaguely unfit.

 

[Darragh]

mom

beyond her refusal to seek any sort of help for the older boy, there a other reasons that i would want custody away from her. She is unstable at best, and the paternity of the older boy was in question for awhile because of her rampant drug use. She has proudly displayed photos of herself online smoking pot and handling what looks like coke. Her brother forcibly removed her from the house she was living in when he heard of her first pregnancy and told me he was horrified to see his pregnant sister among rats, trash, and what he described as copious amounts of drugs. She comes from an unstable family background and has used threats to the children, going so far in one instance as to threaten to set a 3 year old little boy on fire because he was having trouble potty training. The guy she is supposed to have married thinks he is the oldest childs father but has no clue that it isn't so. He never got a dna test.
As horrible as it is to say, i have no doubt she would physically harm the children for attention.
When i said the older boy had violent episodes i wasn't saying it lightly. He has taken a knife and tried to get to the younger boy, who was only an infant, more then once. It happened one time at my mothers and she still has no idea how he could have gotten it. I am honestly afraid one or both of those little boys is going to be killed.

 

[Proserpina]

beyond her refusal to seek any sort of help for the older boy, there a other reasons that i would want custody away from her.

Ok.

She is unstable at best, and the paternity of the older boy was in question for awhile because of her rampant drug use.

So what did Dad do about this?

She has proudly displayed photos of herself online smoking pot and handling what looks like coke.

So what did Dad do about this? What did CPS do when you or he called?

Her brother forcibly removed her from the house she was living in when he heard of her first pregnancy and told me he was horrified to see his pregnant sister among rats, trash, and what he described as copious amounts of drugs.

Irrelevant. If nothing was done at the time, it's not going to be held against her now.

She comes from an unstable family background and has used threats to the children, going so far in one instance as to threaten to set a 3 year old little boy on fire because he was having trouble potty training.

Proof? What did DAD do about this?

The guy she is supposed to have married thinks he is the oldest childs father but has no clue that it isn't so. He never got a dna test.

Irrelevant.

As horrible as it is to say, i have no doubt she would physically harm the children for attention.

I hate to sound like a broken record...but..proof?

She will not be deemed unfit for something that might happen.

When i said the older boy had violent episodes i wasn't saying it lightly. He has taken a knife and tried to get to the younger boy, who was only an infant, more then once. It happened one time at my mothers and she still has no idea how he could have gotten it. I am honestly afraid one or both of those little boys is going to be killed.

DAD HAS TO ACT.

Honestly, I know you feel as if Mom is unfit but until a court deems her so, she's not.

Even if.

You would probably be horrified at how low the legal standard of parenting is....

Frankly because nothing has been done about the threats and everything else, it's not going to be held against Mom now.