Custody in MD but child in NY for summer

[ninasmom]

Hi,

I hope someone can give me some advice. I am in the process of purchasing a home with my fiance. We are at the beginning stages - getting the mortgage and looking for a place. Here's the facts:
- my daughter went to see her father for summer vacation in NY, I reside in MD.
-I have full custody, he gets visitation.
- The actual "home purchase" will take about two months, from offer to closing. Originally we thought we would have a home by the second week in Sept. - it's not happening.
- I moved in a few weeks ago with my fiance to save for the house and he has a studio apt.
- Classes started today.

Based on the above, I decided she should have a stable environment and move in with my parents for a semester in Puerto Rico and have the additional benefits of a private school, bilingual education and private tutoring. I told my ex this morning and he said I couldn't do that. That I'm not providing a stable environment for my daughter. Last year, I lived with my sister to pay off some bills then I moved in with a roommate so my daughter went to two different schools. That also influenced my decision because I don't want to move her around so much. This way she can build friendships she'll keep and see every year since she has been going to PR every summer for the past 7 years. My ex then called my mom and told her that what I was doing is illegal and that he wasn't going to allow it. He wants my daughter to stay with him for the school year. I don't really want this because he lives in the Bronx, works nights as a musician, is underemployed/usually unemployed during the day and leaves most of the child rearing to his mom. He also owes me over $10,000 in back child support.

My concern: that he'll keep her and not give her back to me. I have enough problems trying to enforce child support from a different state. She was supposed to fly out on Thursday from JFK to PR. Can he legally prevent this? What rights do we each have?

Please advise. Thank you.

ninasmom

 

[Michael Wechsler]

Your removal of your daughter for at least 6 months would interfere with the visitation rights of your ex -- wouldn't it? That should tell you something about what you intend to do.

You might do best to get his consent (in writing) but be prepared to give up something in return... and you'll have to decide whether your ex would actually go so far as to not give back your child and then subject himself to the matter of dealing with the authorities. He doesn't seem to have many resources either... You may have limited options but, as stated above, your actions would interfere with his visitation rights.

 

[ninasmom]

Thanks for your reply. At this point, we ruled PR out to keep things civil since he started to threaten that he wouldn't return her to me. I told him my mortgage was approved and everything is set to close in two weeks so there's no reason for her to be anywhere but home (with me) but I understand that he may want to spend an extended amount of time with her. I told him I would consider sending her to NY until December if she goes to the Catholic school that he proposed to me. However, I would like to have a signed legal document that states he will return her to me in December.

I have a couple of questions. By doing this, does it jeopardize my full custody? In other words, does it give him grounds to later sue for custody based on the fact that she's been living with him for the fall of 2002? Also, if he wanted to could he try to take her away based on the fact that I'm living with my fiance? We're planning the wedding for January? Last, where I can get a template for the sort of legal document I would like him to sign?

All advice is truly appreciated.

 

[Michael Wechsler]

Any legal document you create is best looked over by an attorney. Perhaps the both of you should retain an attorney solely to produce such an arrangement (or you both can hire an attorney together, although it is recommended that each of you have separate counsel). There are some things in life worth spending money upon to be done right so that both of you are apprised of potential problems.

You should come to an agreement with your ex, best if both of you sign an informal agreement expressing both your wishes, even an email that shows what you agree to. Then take that to your attorney and make sure it is done as stated and you will be apprised of the issues in your state. I wouldn't want to deal with them informally in this manner.