Confusing situation

[chatsav]

A good friend of mine is in a strange situation. He and his wife separated back in 2001. He took the oldest son, and she took the youngest (who he's not sure is even his). One day she decides she wants the older son back, but my friend wants to go to court and fight for custody. Neither one of them had the money to get a lawyer at the time. So she and her boyfriend break into my friend's apartment and snatch the child. She later turns herself in, after hiding the child. They went to court but since they were not legally separated, they didn't charge her with anything and the judge actually said this to my friend; "If you want your son back, you'll have to take him the same way she did." She took both children and hid them from their father for 4years. He tried to find them by getting the police involved, going to the courts, and even going to DCS, to no avail. No one seemed to want to help him. Well, over the 4 years he moved on. He moved in with his girlfriend, who is now his fiance, and they have two children together. Two years ago he finally found his wife. She was in jail. He still couldn't find the children, but after years of saving he had the money to file for divorce, and he did. The papers were served to her in jail. Since it was illegal for her to keep the kids from him now, he finally got to see them. Somehow, the divorce procedure has managed to drag out for two years. During that 4 year period she had 3 other children (by three different fathers) and they had to do paternity tests so that my friend wouldn't have to be held responsible for them. The court also ordered a paternity test on the son that she had when they were together but he wasn't sure about. She has tested all the children but him. She's trying to avoid testing him for some reason, though she swears up and down it's his child. Anyway, that's being taken care of. My question is about another issue. My friend's children were kept from him for 4 years (they were 2 and 11 months when they were taken) and now their bond and relationship has been lost. The children don't call him dad, and he doesn't feel like their father. As sad as it may sound, he's lost love for them. He doesn't think of them has his kids anymore. He's moved on and has a new family. She has her own family as well, and the children think of her boyfriend as their dad. If both parents agree, can my friend sign over his legal rights? On top of all that, he really can't afford child support for two children (assuming their both his). His issues aren't mainly about the money, that's just the icing on the cake. All those years she never asked for money because she didn't want him to see his kids. If he ends up having to pay 32% of his paycheck on child support, he will not be able to support the two children who live with him properly. He's torn on what to do. He wants to make the right decision. Like I said, he and the children were apart for so long, there is no bond or love there anymore. Please help.

 

[Duranie]

I highly recommend not signing over his rights, and he cannot even do that unless mom is married to this guy and he agrees to adopt. If they are not married, forget it.

Dad need to call around and see if an attorney will be willing to help him at least secure visitation, and get mom to help out on transporting the kids to visits.
It sounds like mom is extremely unstable here and your friend would not be doing thee kids any justice by abandoning them. Who is to say this boyfriend is even a good person?

Dad needs to call around to see if any attorney can help him. Dad even has a hood case for custody personally, especially if he can prove mom hid the kids.