Confused about adoption preferences

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snowbird11

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Hi, I'm new here. I live in Florida, and my question concerns my grandchild, who is currently in Oregon. I learned that my daughter, who also lived in Oregon, has had parental rights terminated. She then left the state. My grandchild is currently in a foster home, and is now up for adoption. I contacted the DCF in Oregon, letting them know that I am willing to permanently adopt my grandchild. They informed me that they must give equal consideration to adopt, to the foster parents who currently have the child, and to another woman who has a child from the same father as my grandchild. I am confused! I am my grandchild's natural relative by blood, and this other woman is a single parent with three children to raise already. I am retired, and have time to devote to a child, while this woman must work. I have passed all the background checks ordered, and done everything else that was asked of me. I don't think it is right that they are choosing between natural relatives as opposed to these other people. What are my rights here? Should I hire a lawyer?
 
There is no legal obligation to place the child with a blood relative simply because the person IS a blood relative.

It's about what's best for the child. Two things I see which may go against you, are the fact that a) the other woman is the mother of your child's sibling - and sibling ties are often considered very important and b) You live on the other side of the country.

How old is the child, incidentally?
 
Proserpina said:
There is no legal obligation to place the child with a blood relative simply because the person IS a blood relative.

It's about what's best for the child. Two things I see which may go against you, are the fact that a) the other woman is the mother of your child's sibling - and sibling ties are often considered very important and b) You live on the other side of the country.

How old is the child, incidentally?
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I understand that there is no legal option for blood relative placement. The other woman has a child from the same man, but they have never even seen my granddaughter. BTW, she is nearly 2 years old.
 
How long as the child been with the foster parents?
I've adopted from the foster care system and I can tell you that the social worker & attorneys will be favoring the foster parents, for a number of reasons (very good reasons, imo).

There is the fact that you are out of state. They do not want the child moving out of state or out of their jurisdiction if they can help it.

There's also the fact that you are related to the mother whose rights were taken away - thisis a big one. It is quite common for the parent whose rights were removed to go to family members and ask them to adopt their children - to get their children back. (we had this happen to us) Social workers know this and are quite leery of giving a child to a family member of the parent - the parent's rights were taken away for a reason, the last place they want to see that child is ending up back with that parent.

There's also the fact that, depending on how long the child has been there, the social worker has been to the home and has seen the child become a member of that family - if the child is settled, secure, comfortable, happy, and stable in that family unit - a social worker would rather not disturb that if at all possible.
 
My grandchild has been in the foster home since birth. I am very torn about disrupting her too, but cannot sleep nights knowing that I turned my back on my only grandchild. There is another family wanting to adopt, but she is a single parent with three children, all from different men. The only reason she is being considered is because one of those men is also the father of my grandchild. This man is not interested in any of his children, is a drug abuser, and a wife beater. The thought that he might reappear in this woman's life is not a savory one. Also, however well meaning the foster parents are, they do take in other troubled children whom I would not want my grandchild being exposed to. Awful things happen in foster homes, even with the most vigilant foster parenting. I am estranged from my daughter, and she would not be allowed around the child.

The reason it got dragged out this long, is because I gave my daughter every opportunity to get her child back. She did not comply with the state, missed visits with her child, missed the mapping classes, and also refused to comply with other conditions. If I had known that it would turn out like this, I would have taken the child at birth! I feel awful that it went on so long, with multiple court hearings, etc. I am very aware that my grandchild has bonded with the fosters. It breaks my heart.
 
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The baby has been with the foster parents since birth?

I'm really sorry grandma, but you have virtually no chance at adopting this child.

ksmom made some excellent points and honestly I think you'd be throwing money down the drain and setting yourself up for even more heartache.
 
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