Child conceived from an affair

[wifeadvice]

My husband had an affair. We separated for a short time afterward and then we got back together. We have children of our own. I just found out that a child was recently born and the mother filed suit for support. In her suit she asked for everything from him paying her legal fees to him getting life insurance for the baby and everything in between. Apparently my husband told her he didn't want her to have the baby because he wasn't going to leave me and our children. They remained in contact throughout the pregnancy with him suggesting she give the baby up for adoption. We don't have money now but our circumstances will change drastically in the next year and a half. She makes more than my husband and lives comfortably. He told me about the baby when he got the summons and after a week of turmoil I decided I would stay and work it out. We decided that he should get shared custody of the child. (I asked her what she wanted and she said she just wanted him to be a part of the baby's life). I don't think this can happen unless there is a relationship (between all of us) based on what is best for the baby. The motion was filed for shared custody but nothing has gone through yet. We have tried on several occasions to have the baby for a visit but the mother is now being cautious and doesn't want the baby with us "alone". What options do we have at this point? Should we just wait for the paperwork to be filed? Is there anything I should do to protect the children an myself financially in case she backs out of the whole shared custody idea or does she even have a choice? Thank you

 

[jacksgal]

First off not to be rude but "you" have nothing to do with this! "You" dont need to bond with Mother or child you are a legal stranger. Now until paternity has been legally established your husband has no rights. If there is a visitation order and Mom is breaking it he can file contempt in court. So has paternity been established?

 

[Duranie]

First of all your husband conceived this baby, he must support it. what state are you in? Dad needs to google child support guidelines for your state and he should contact an attorney. He needs to also request visitation. Paternity will probanly have to be established. Since you have kids you might want to see if your kids can be factored into the child support obligation, but the obligation does not go away because he had an affair. Dad needs to grow a backbone to mom to ensure he has a relationship with the child.