Child Abandonment Questions

[DorkyMe]

HI and thanks for helping..
My mom has two sons (ages 10 and 11) with a guy that she has been living with for about the past 15 years. Since I was 11 (the boys were then 2 and 3 approximately) he has yearly told us to move out in some manner, but never actually having us move out. It was like his power move in a way. However after I moved out (the youngest from her first marriage) he has been charging hard to get to move out. My mom always fights to stay, if fear of losing her boys. Now he has made a very stern move out date that he plans on keeping. My mom calls me worried that she will lose all custody and California will consider her agreeing to move out as abandonment.
My mom draws her fears from the fact that:
-She is not a US citizen, but only a legal resident
-She has a child neglect on her record (way in the past, she's been 'clean' for over 15 years)
-He makes a considerable amount of money more than she
-She struggling to make it.

If anyone can give me some direction on if child abandonment law applies here? And any suggestions on how to handle the situation.

 

[ohiogranny]

He wants her to move out, and him keep the boys?

1. Being a legal resident doesn't matter. I am one, and my son (who has custody of his boy) is too.
2. I am guessing the neglect was regarding her older kids? Hopefully won't matter.
3. Money is not a factor in determining custody. If he makes more than her, he will probably have to pay her support.

Is this guy the legal dad (DNA, AOP)? If not, she should feel free to take the kids with her. Even if he is, their being unmarried gives her custody. He can file for paternity/parenting time/child support after she leaves. And IMO, she should leave sooner rather than later (his date). I'm surprised she stayed that long.

Can they move in with you, temporarily?

 

[DorkyMe]

He is the biological father. I'm not quite sure if what my mom wants is to have the children live 100% with her because she works two jobs and still supporting her older two daughters (not me). Plus their father isn't a bad parent, (just someone I dislike greatly). and with their father, they are 2 blocks from all the schools they need to go to until college, it's a good neighborhood and there friends also live in the neighborhood. I beleive her main concerns are losing all custody, contact and rights. For example, she's worried that he has assigned someone else as caretaker of the boys should something happen to him and things like that.
I agree she should leave sooner, but she won't until definate that she won't loose her sons. I would gladly take her and them in, but my sister has a house they could cram into better. But it not her taking them with her, for the most part, it's her beenig able to see them when she want and vise versa.

Thank you so much for your response, it is helpful.

 

[ohiogranny]

But did he sign an acknowledgement of paternity? Or take a DNA test?

Mom will not lose her rights (unless she's a felony murderer). She can file a parenting plan that spells out when each parent has the kids, and if the CP doesn't allow contact it's contempt. If she is a fit parent, she WILL get time with the kids.

She should not give up custody just because she has to work a lot. Can you and your sis help with childcare? How old are the older kids she is supporting? Can they work? Is your sis in the school district? They could change schools if necessary. You kids should support her (financially and otherwise) if she does leave him. Or even if she doesn't.

If he really isn't a bad dad (no comment here) then they could try 50/50 if she lived close enough to get them to school.

Losing rights should be the least of her concerns. It won't happen. She shouldn't let that stop her from leaving someone who would kick her and her older kids out.

Also, if either of them should die, the other parent will get custody over any other legal strangers (relatives or friends).

IMO....HE should be the one to leave, so that the kids can continue in their school. If she leaves the kids with him, he has (if he's legal dad) status quo and it implies that she is okay with him being the custodial parent. That will be hard to fight in court.

Is this guy working? I just had a thought...if she lets him have custody, I wouldn't doubt that he would file for child support, if the court didn't order it (and they probably will). That would make things even worse for her financially.

I would hate to see her give up because she thought she had no other choice. She really should talk to an attorney - many will give a free initial consultation.

 

[DorkyMe]

Hopefully someone agreeing with what I've told her will calm her some.
The Sister's are too old, but It's all to keep the house their buying. And I (that's a solo I) do support whatever she needs. He probably won't leave because it's his house and he does have a job, but is retiring, that why he can afford to not have her around.
Luckily she won't give up. I'll try to write up a Parenting plan with her to present to him, <I think that's a great idea> This way she can redo her availability for work around that, currently it's all mixed up around her being the only one to take and pick them up from school.

 

[ohiogranny]

There are some good sample parenting plans. It needs to be very thorough, detailing who get the kids when, what times, who transports, holidays, special occasions, etc. There may also be a plan that your county uses as a standard. She could see if that would be usable.

Just remind her that if they agree to a plan, it needs to be taken to court, signed by the judge, and filed. Otherwise it's not worth the paper it's written on.

Keep us posted.