Canadian father wonders if I have a case for custody of my son in the US?

[justcurious99]

My jurisdiction is: Canada

Hi:

Never done this before... so here it goes.
I am the father of a two year old son who was born in the US and has lived there since birth. His mother and I got married on the promise that she would move to Canada once we got married. The night of our marriage she told me she would not move to Canada. I tried for six months to convince her to follow through with her promise and vow but to no avail. We have been separated since Jan. 2009. I spent as much time with my son in the US as I legally was allowed (taking parental leave from work in Canada to be with him). I wanted him to be born in canada but she wouldnt and i wanted to get married in canada but she wouldnt and now, after being lied to in order to marry her I dont know what to do.

I dont want to move to the US becuase I have an awesome job here that provides very well and I have two children here from my previous marriage that I am obligated to. Ugh.... I have tried to get her to allow me to take him for visits to be with me but she claims he is too young to be away from her. He just turned two. I have waited and respected that but now I feel he is old enough that he can be away from her for an extended period of time and the fact that she still breast feeds him is not a reason for him to be not allowed to spend time with his Dad in Canada. Or so I hope not... I pay support but not likely what the "calculated amount should be" but with what I pay to my previous wife for child support and what the amount would be for me to pay the "calculated" amount would leave me living in a ditch starving. Its crazy..... anyway... more importantly I believe that it is in my sons best interest to live with me here in canada for a list of reasons:

1) i have a stable job here that could provide for him.
2) His mom is on social assistance in the US.
3) She has 4 other kids to care for. (not mine)
4) One of those kids has severe epilepsy and learning disabilities and she requires a significant amount of time and effort to care for and is on a special diet.
5) His health care would be covered by MSI here and augmented by my works coverage.
6) He would have an opportunity to get to know his other siblings here in canada, which he doesnt get while he is with her.
7) Not one penny of what I pay her in child support goes to benefit or improve his standard of living there as each dollar of child support will be deducated away from what she recieves from social assisitance.
8) I am willing to help her out financially for a period of time to help her go back to school and get a job to help provide for her children, who would all be in school if I had my son here.
9) I would be willing to give very liberal access to our son via phone, interent web and visitation such as summer with her in the usa and alternating major holidays. Until she got a job, I would pay for my sons travel down and back during the summer visitation. If work required me to go away for international travel for more than a week I would allow her to have first opportunity at caring for him while I was away (non summer months).
10) I would even be willing to do and interm order that would allow this to be trialed for a year and see how it goes and if it turns out that this is not seeming to be in the his best interest we could revert to something different.

Anyway.. this is pretty much the scenario... does anyone know what the odds are of something like this happening in Virginia??? I truly believe this would be in my sons best interest.

Please Help....
Loving Father

 

[Duranie]

Sorry but you have almost no chance of custody since you are unable to prove mom unfit, that is the sad truth. It does not matter she has 4 other kids because apparantly you didn't care when you married her and got her pregnant, so why should the courts care? You need to hire an attorney in VA but chances of custody are slim. Since mom though is on government assistance you do realize that you are going to get a bill for this? You will be required to pay her child support what the state guidelines say and since tax payers are supporting your child, the government will force her to file a child support order against you.

The fact you are in another country, really unable to prove mom is unfit, and wanting to seperate this child from his other siblings, I would say your chances of custody are nil. But talk to an attorney in VA to make sure.

 

[justcurious99]

First, thanks for the response...

Actually, we had our son before we got married... acciedntly. Then she used our son to get me to marry her becuase she said she wouldnt move to canada unless i married her and so our son would be in the states and i would be in canada without him.

I see where u r coming from but you negate the fact that he also has two other siblings here in Canada that never get to see him because his mom wont let him leave the country. Why are they or should they be any less important than his siblings in the states????

As far as child support... i said I pay what i can. I hope she reports it!!!I am more than happy to alleviate the burden of the taxpayers of virginia by having custody of my son here. I dont get why I almost always get slammed as the big bad guy here. It took two to get us where we are. What makes it so bad that I think I am just as qualified to and more capable of (financially) raising my child than she is in Virginia. How much equality is there in saying that unless the mom is unfit, she should have primary custody of children? I dont want to eliminate her from his life, I just believe that his best interests would be served if he was here. Yikes!!!

 

[justcurious99]

Well actually, we had our son before we got married... acciedntly. Then she used our son to get me to marry her becuase she said she wouldnt move to canada unless i married her and so our son would be in the states and i would be in canada without him.

I see where u r coming from but you negate the fact that he also has two other siblings here in Canada that never get to see him becuase his mom wont let him leave the country. Why are they or should they be any less important than his siblings in the states????

As far as child support... i said I pay what i can. I hope she reports it!!!I am more than happy to alleviate the burden of the taxpayers of virginia by having custody of my son here. I dont get why I aalmost always get slammed as the big bad guy here. It took two to get us where we are. What makes it so bad that I think I am just as qualified to and more capable of (financially) raising my child than she is in Virginia. How much equality is in saying that unless the mom is unfit, she should have primary custody of children? I dont want to eliminate her from his life, I just believe that his best interests would be served if he was here. Yikes!!!

 

[justcurious99]

Sorry but you have almost no chance of custody since you are unable to prove mom unfit, that is the sad truth. It does not matter she has 4 other kids because apparantly you didn't care when you married her and got her pregnant, so why should the courts care? You need to hire an attorney in VA but chances of custody are slim. Since mom though is on government assistance you do realize that you are going to get a bill for this? You will be required to pay her child support what the state guidelines say and since tax payers are supporting your child, the government will force her to file a child support order against you.

The fact you are in another country, really unable to prove mom is unfit, and wanting to seperate this child from his other siblings, I would say your chances of custody are nil. But talk to an attorney in VA to make sure.

Well actually, we had our son before we got married... acciedntly. Then she used our son to get me to marry her becuase she said she wouldnt move to canada unless i married her and so our son would be in the states and i would be in canada without him.

I see where u r coming from but you negate the fact that he also has two other siblings here in Canada that never get to see him becuase his mom wont let him leave the country. Why are they or should they be any less important than his siblings in the states????

As far as child support... i said I pay what i can. I hope she reports it!!!I am more than happy to alleviate the burden of the taxpayers of virginia by having custody of my son here. I dont get why I aalmost always get slammed as the big bad guy here. It took two to get us where we are. What makes it so bad that I think I am just as qualified to and more capable of (financially) raising my child than she is in Virginia. How much equality is in saying that unless the mom is unfit, she should have primary custody of children? I dont want to eliminate her from his life, I just believe that his best interests would be served if he was here. Yikes!!!