Can management do this?

[skottt]

I am a 47yo male. Recently, an associate with the same job description as me informed me that management had told her that they were of the belief that I had a romantic interest in her. They also told her that she would be fired if she told me she had spoken to them about it. I'm not sure why management believes that I feel that way for her (beyond them seeing us going to lunch or coffee together) or what motivated them to call her in to discuss it. I have had a good working relationship with her up to this point, but now she refuses to talk to me and will not work with me. I value my working relationships with my colleagues as possible references for future employment and I count them as assets, but now our working relationship is destroyed because of management's actions. Was thier action ethical? Can they fire her for telling me? Has my character been defamed?

 

[Beth3]

Was thier action ethical? Since we don't know why management did this, it's impossible to say. Perhaps they were concerned about the possibility of a conflict in interest or a sexual harassment situaiton developing, in which case their concerns were legitimate even if unfounded.

Can they fire her for telling me? Yes.

Has my character been defamed? No. They asked her what the relationship was between the two of you. That's not defamatory.

 

[skottt]

Thanks

Unbelievable. So management can go to as many people as they want to and say, "Hey, we hear so-and-so has 'the hots' for you, did you know that? Just how do you feel personally about him?" and this isn't defamatory?

 

[Beth3]

No. (a) Apparently the employer believed they had a legitimate reason for asking, and (b) this simply does not reach the level of defamation as it does not satisfy the various elements required to do so.

 

[skottt]

It is one thing to ask the nature of a relationship, it is quite another to tell someone how i feel about them personally, especially when it is false information. I may not have a legal case, but wouldn't you agree that HR or corporate might view this as unethical behaviour on the part of management that would require disiplinary action? I can't believe that management can spread as many vicious rumors around as they want and have this be ethical. What if the manager involved is acting in his own self interest because of HIS feelings for this woman and just wants to see our alliance done in to keep me away from her?

 

[Beth3]

skott, one can only assume that management had some basis for concern that you had formed a romantic or sexual interest in this co-worker. Perhaps they completely misinterpreted something you did or said. It happens. Perhaps the company had a nasty sexual harassment situation last year and they wanted to be certain another one wasn't emerging.

I don't know why this inquiry was made of her other than to say it's reasonable to assume they felt they had some legitimate reason to do so unless, as you say, some manager was trying to "stake out the territory" for himself. But now it appears you're jumping to conclusions in the same manner you're accusing them of doing to you.

They spoke to HER. They didn't spread "vicious rumors" nor, at face value, did they act unethically. If you want to file a complaint with senior management, go ahead. Otherwise I suggest you get this in perspective and get over it. It was an unfortunate incident but now you are the one keeping it alive, likely to your detriment.

 

[skottt]

Lesson learned...dont work closely with members of the opposite sex.