Bipolar mom, boyfriend, custody chances?

[momincrisis]

Ok, I'm new here and feeling panicky. Here's the situation.

My husband found out I had a boyfriend and filed for divorce in March.

I have been diagnosed as bipolar after having my children. I have 2, ages 5 and 8.

I work 2 jobs, a day job 9-1, and 3 evenings/week 4-9, and every other weekend 8-4. My husband works 6am-3pm.

We had sort of agreed that I could have placement and he would keep them after school until 9, the 3 evenings I work, and every other weekend.

We had pretrial this past Friday and his atty comes in and announces that he wants placement, I can have visitation and some overnights and they will negotiate nothing. His argument is that I am unstable (yet has left them in my care since they were born and agrees to overnight visits), that I have a boyfriend who has a felony (20 years ago, and has not met my children), and that he is more available, and his mom can come every morning to take them to school (which I have done their whole lives)

He is using journal entries that I made a year and a half ago when I was depressed, mentioning suicidal thoughts. I have been hospitalized twice in the past (suicide attempts), 5 yrs ago, and 2 years ago. For the past year and a half, I have been compliant with treatment, stayed on my one medication, and see my psychiatrist every month.

I just put my 2 weeks notice in for my evening job, so I will be available every minute that my children are out of school.

The appointed law guardian has basically said that my husband and I are good parents, but the issue is that he is more available. This is why I quit my job.

I know this is forever long, but I just wanted some advice as to what my chances of placement may be. I have and am doing everything I can to be healthy. I am willing to release all of my medical records to the court. I am planning on cooling it with the boyfriend until court at the end of the month.

Is there anything else I can do to strengthen my case? Do I even have a shot at this? I am very disappointed that my husband is leaving the lives of our children in the hands of the court. I think it is completely wrong.

Thanks for listening. Any advice or comments are appreciated.

 

[jharris352]

GET A LAWYER. That would be my first bit of advice. You are doing the right thing by quitting your second job. Your past mental imbalances are not a shameful thing, nor do they make you "unfit" as a parent, as long as you address them. Personally I applaud you for addressing them and staying on your medication. That should be a big positive in your case.

As long as your boyfriend's felony is over and done with (he isn't still doing things that get him arrested) a 20 year old felony is virtually irrelevant. The fact that you had a boyfriend is going to be a driving force for your husband and I'm sure you understand that. Husbands generally frown on their wives having boyfriends.

Your Therapist should testify. You should focus on your psychological stability, your availability, and anything that shows you to be a fit mother. You should cool it with your boyfriend and keep it that way around the children until your boyfriend becomes someone that is permanent in your life.

Courts and psychologists frown on getting significant others involved in the lives of the children only to have them disappear later. The on again off again attachment of dating is NOT for your kids. They need stability. If they get to know this fellow and 2 months later you send him packing that is not good for the kids. So keep your relationships separate from the kids until you are engaged or very serious with them.

You should be fine. Good luck.

 

[momincrisis]

OMG! Thank you so much. I do have a lawyer and he makes me believe that we do have a chance here. I just get nervous because my husband and his lawyer are so cocky and he has all the money. He cleaned out the bank accts as soon as he found out.

I just feel like I need support and reassurance from everywhere I can get it. I really appreciate the back up here.

I do realize that my bf needs to be separate from my children. I was not planning on them meeting him for sometime in the far future. I realize that they are going to need time to adjust to the whole new living situation and that would just complicate things further for them and most likely cause them problems. And he is a registered nurse who is employed, and his felony was not for anything violent or physical. So yes, ancient history.

My psych dr said he does not like to testify, which I understand, but I can release my records to my lawyer and the court I suppose. Whatever I need to do.

Thank you!

 

[jharris352]

Your doctor should testify whether he wants to or not. Records can not be cross examined and are not always admissible. Though, it is on your HUSBAND to prove that you are bi-polar and that your bi-polar diagnosis makes you an unfit parent. If you are on your meds that is hard to do. He can't "clean the bank accounts out" either. Subpoena the statements from prior to this action and make him cough up your part of that money.

 

[momincrisis]

Thanks for the advice.

I just came home from work and now my daughter tells me that her father is quitting his job in November. Can he really do this? He is the main provider and carries the health insurance.

I really think he would quit to get out of child support. But how is anyone going to be able to live like this. Do you think he would honestly do such a thing?

Thanks

 

[jharris352]

Plenty of men have done such a thing. The Judge will be furious. If he quit, he will owe child support at the level that job will have provided. The judge will order him to get a job and will not be kind about him not being able to find one.