Bi-polar mother and unstable father, unmarried and dependent

[arekearu]

I plan on obtaining advice from someone officially, but would like to see if anyone can offer any insight to a very sticky situation.

I have a 2 year-old niece who is fathered by my brother, who has an extensive history (within the family, sometimes police were involved) of mental instability. He has always had bursts of anger which resulted in either destruction of property, his or otherwise, or destruction to his own body. He's done a lot of drugs in the past and does not have a clear view of reality. He met this woman, knew she was bi-polar, was subjected to her true nature and because the two are so blind to the real world, had a baby together. I want to state that the father is by comparison to her far more nurturing than the mother, but I still consider him to need professional help.

The mother has had several issues in her life, she has a medical history with being bi-polar. She was medicated at one time but didn't like how it made her feel, etc so that is the reason she refuses to be medicated. As for her parents, she has burned that bridge with them and they have the "don't want to know about your problems" attitude. It's MY parents who have been their main crutch throughout the whole pregnancy, up to this point. Unfortunately, they now live with my parents because neither of them could keep a job (lazy, undedicated), lived in filth, and they were evicted. The mother has shown several times that other activities (ie laptop) merit her attention more than changing her own child's diaper, as one example.

To keep a long story from getting longer, I want to know what my parents can do against her, or against both of them. They are the only thing between them and having nowhere to live, and believe me, they aren't smart enough to use what the government can offer. I've seen her act out, and I know she's capable of manipulation of my brother as well as the police. The problem is that I don't feel that either are suitable parents, so it's not a matter of who could sue for custody, although being with the father is a favorable outcome. Remember that he is truly naive to the world and just doesn't have the practical brain to fight for what's best for his child. He is a slave to this woman.

 

[jharris352]

You need to stay out of his life and let him make his own mistakes. People like your brother have children, it isn't your job to try to take them. People who are bi-polar have children, it doesn't necessarily make them bad mothers. In your entire LONG story you did not mention one single thing either of them have done to the child or and neglect of the child. You don't like your brother's choice of girlfriend and you want to do something about it. Stay out of it.

You brother is a big boy and he has his own problems. He has obviously had people interfering in his life for a long time. Leave him and his girlfriend alone. Maybe he likes being a slave to this woman. If he didn't he would leave.

I'm sure you think your motives are honorable, but really you are poking your nose in where is likely doesn't belong. I'm sure that isn't the advice you were looking for, but it is good advice. Heed it.

 

[arekearu]

I was waiting for a response, perhaps a follow-up question, before getting into further details. You aren't all that helpful, I'm afraid.

She will sometimes go at least a full day without a diaper change, both parents do not wake up with their child and she is on her own to fend for herself in the morning hours. They don't feed her regularly (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and don't think that maybe the baby is hungry, since they themselves aren't. In their old home the floor was literally covered in trash/junk/whatever, dishes were piled up everywhere, and the place was unsanitary. If their opinion on the government/health care/whatever hasn't changed, they haven't taken her to any pediatrician nor had any immunizations, unless there was an emergency fever or the like.

Her mother just the other day took her to the park when it was raining and let her play in the rain. The she brought her home and made no attempt to bathe her or give her a dry change of clothes and her diaper was literally full of shit. And she would have just left her like that until the father noticed/said something, or my mother stepped in. My mother cares too much for the baby, plus they live in her house, do you really think she isn't going to do anything when the child is obviously in need?

I'm not going to justify why I'm here, asking the questions I am. I don't need to justify myself to you just because in my initial post I didn't go into disgusting detail. I just want advice, possibly from someone who experienced something similar or someone who might know the legalities. I'm not here so I can take a child from someone, even though she is just a shell of a person. Everything I've seen and heard about her behavior as a "mother" brings me to the conclusion that she is a selfish person and a "bad mother".

 

[Proserpina]

I was waiting for a response, perhaps a follow-up question, before getting into further details. You aren't all that helpful, I'm afraid.

She will sometimes go at least a full day without a diaper change, both parents do not wake up with their child and she is on her own to fend for herself in the morning hours. They don't feed her regularly (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and don't think that maybe the baby is hungry, since they themselves aren't. In their old home the floor was literally covered in trash/junk/whatever, dishes were piled up everywhere, and the place was unsanitary.

So how many times have CPS been called?

If their opinion on the government/health care/whatever hasn't changed, they haven't taken her to any pediatrician nor had any immunizations, unless there was an emergency fever or the like.

That's their right. And an "if" isn't going to come anywhere close to justifying ANY kind of action.

Her mother just the other day took her to the park when it was raining and let her play in the rain. The she brought her home and made no attempt to bathe her or give her a dry change of clothes and her diaper was literally full of shit. And she would have just left her like that until the father noticed/said something, or my mother stepped in. My mother cares too much for the baby, plus they live in her house, do you really think she isn't going to do anything when the child is obviously in need?

I'm not going to justify why I'm here, asking the questions I am. I don't need to justify myself to you just because in my initial post I didn't go into disgusting detail. I just want advice, possibly from someone who experienced something similar or someone who might know the legalities. I'm not here so I can take a child from someone, even though she is just a shell of a person. Everything I've seen and heard about her behavior as a "mother" brings me to the conclusion that she is a selfish person and a "bad mother".

Again, how many times has CPS been involved about the perceived neglect?

 

[Duranie]

All day without a diaper change is clear neglect. i think you need to call CPS so they can go out and inspect the home. They may assign them a parent aid.

I know alot of people are defensive of mentally ill but if neither parent really knows what is going on, this child is at risk to eventually be harmed. Please keep an eye on the situation. Call CPS if you feel this child is being neglected but if they remove the child from the home, the child may not automatically be placed with you.

 

[jharris352]

If the child is being neglected or abused make a referral to Child Protective Services in your state. They will investigate and get involved if there is truly a problem. If they are depriving the child to the point that it is hurtful to the child they MAY take the child out of their care. First they will try to give them parenting classes, and other skills that they need to leave the family together. If they take the child you can stand as a temporary guardian and get the child that way. It will likely be temporary and you will have to deal with the real parents whether you like to or not.

Your tone and attitude is quite nasty, and I would not be surprised if you are exaggerating the circumstances quite a bit. You came for free advice and when you do that you get our advice (packaged in a way that seems right to us). I hope your intentions are genuine and that you aren't just being a controlling busybody in your brother's life.

If you are right and genuinely interested in the child, I'm the first one to apologize and tell you good luck. If you are just poking your nose in where it doesn't belong I hope someone has the backbone to tell you to back off.

I must admit, when it comes to people telling other people how to raise their children I tend to side with the parents until I have heard the "disgusting" details. If you don't like that or understand that you are welcome to go pay for your advice. When you do they will still think and wonder what I'm thinking and wondering, they will just not tell you because you are paying them.

I know this because I've been that attorney who had people like you sitting in front of me telling me horror stories and how they Must intervene. Your attitude toward me doesn't give me great hope that your motives are good. But like I said, I am sometimes wrong. If I am I apologize in advance.

Legal advice: Go make a referral to CPS above and see what comes of it. If nothing comes of it leave them alone. If something does come of it, offer your assistance.

Good luck.

 

[jharris352]

Duraine, while I would agree with you that "all day" without a diaper change would be neglect, I wonder how this lady would know what happens "all day." Unless she lives with them, or has them under constant observation, i question the veracity of her tales. She obviously is controlling and protective of her brother and she hates this female who has replaced her as the controlling one in his life. I obviously can't say there is nothing going on, so I agree that CPS is the way to go. I am just highly suspect of the stories coming from this poster. Her attitude and some of the things she says is a dead give away.

 

[Proserpina]

Duraine, while I would agree with you that "all day" without a diaper change would be neglect, I wonder how this lady would know what happens "all day." Unless she lives with them, or has them under constant observation, i question the veracity of her tales. She obviously is controlling and protective of her brother and she hates this female who has replaced her as the controlling one in his life. I obviously can't say there is nothing going on, so I agree that CPS is the way to go. I am just highly suspect of the stories coming from this poster. Her attitude and some of the things she says is a dead give away.

I'm in agreement.

Particularly the emphasized parts.

 

[arekearu]

I'm sorry that I can't be taken seriously by anyone here and was a fool to think a small bit of advice (of any calibur) on the internet would lend any aid to this child. I thank you for your time, however useless to me.

 

[jharris352]

Good luck with your quest. If you stepped back for even a minute to see how you come across you would understand. I doubt you can understand. Good luck helping the child, if that is what you are doing.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm sorry that I can't be taken seriously by anyone here and was a fool to think a small bit of advice (of any calibur) on the internet would lend any aid to this child. I thank you for your time, however useless to me.

I'm sorry that you didn't understand why you were told what you were told.

You may wish to ask yourself, why your brother isn't apparently concerned enough to lend aid to his child.

Good luck to the child.