Rosarygirl
New Member
I feel so bad for my beautiful mother. She has a pattern of thinking that is self defeating, she feels helpless, and doesn't bother fighting because she thinks in the end nothing will work I just want to help her, I don't want her to live the rest of her life in misery.
She's worked for my father forever in his business. She works her rear off, and now that my alcoholic dad has really gone down hill and WONT face reality (we've tried) it's like she's trying to do everything for HIS business. He is the boss. She can't replace what he does.
1) he withholds pay checks from her.
2) he verbally abuses her about her work performance when drunk and always threatens to fire her.
3) he put her car in his name and uses that as a way to punish her in a sad pathetic way on his part.
4) my mom suffers from depression already, and 5 years ago had a nervous breakdown. She slept all day, was catatonic, didn't eat, and had to get ETC after being in a zillion mental hospitals
6) the ect got her out of it, but to this day he yells "u spent a year in bed" like a tyrant
7) now that he's hit rock bottom, HE lies in bed all day watching TV and drinking.... He works, but his business which was once bustling and the best in town is like a ghostown. They do get some 'customers' though.
5) he got a DUI 4 years ago, and it just recently affected him. His board of his line of work cracked down and he has to do tests randomly every week 3 times more or less. But he still manages to get away with it.
7) the above ^ situatuon put extra pressure on my mom. She always worked wayyyyy after dad and one other employee went home at 5pm... Mom stayed till 10pm. Works 5 days per week. Anyway, she had to basically help my dad do this HUGE stack of paper work and study for his test he had to take just so she could help him study. He didn't even look at the mail when he got it. Mom found out at last minute.
8) dad is financially irresponsible. He has been squatting in HIS parents house for over 20 yrs. but... But the house was left to dad and his 4 siblings. His siblings have been complaining for years they want him out cuz they wanna sell. Worries the heck outta mom. But they haven't made him sell, it's like every 2-3 years they invite themselves over to heckle, but just leave. They haven't given it to him, however.
9) my moms tried to get my dad to change, take financial classes w her, go to AA. He won't or he doesn't follow through.
10) my mom took care of DADs mother (paternal grandma) for 2 years, not for hope of reward (she doesn't think like that) but because she has a huge heart and is extremely empathetic, sensitive and just can't help it! It's in her nature.... She's like Mother Mary, to me.... I'm sure all kids think that about their moms.... But I'm scared for her mental and physical health right now.
Yet another crisis: my dads KEY employee, who did a lot of computer work my mom hasnt been trained to do.... She quit. That was a major issue.
But worse my mom also, in the midst of all this madness, needed a hysterectomy. And worse... The stress she's been under is causing her immense pain sitting down, in the car, etc. STILL worse... The surgery has not healed right. I am so sad about this she truly deserves better. I wish I could do something but I'm in a bad position myself, which I'm trying to repair. Any advice would be really appreciated. I don't want her to lose her health insurance.... I want her to be happy, not in chaos all the time.
Thank-you
She's worked for my father forever in his business. She works her rear off, and now that my alcoholic dad has really gone down hill and WONT face reality (we've tried) it's like she's trying to do everything for HIS business. He is the boss. She can't replace what he does.
1) he withholds pay checks from her.
2) he verbally abuses her about her work performance when drunk and always threatens to fire her.
3) he put her car in his name and uses that as a way to punish her in a sad pathetic way on his part.
4) my mom suffers from depression already, and 5 years ago had a nervous breakdown. She slept all day, was catatonic, didn't eat, and had to get ETC after being in a zillion mental hospitals
6) the ect got her out of it, but to this day he yells "u spent a year in bed" like a tyrant
7) now that he's hit rock bottom, HE lies in bed all day watching TV and drinking.... He works, but his business which was once bustling and the best in town is like a ghostown. They do get some 'customers' though.
5) he got a DUI 4 years ago, and it just recently affected him. His board of his line of work cracked down and he has to do tests randomly every week 3 times more or less. But he still manages to get away with it.
7) the above ^ situatuon put extra pressure on my mom. She always worked wayyyyy after dad and one other employee went home at 5pm... Mom stayed till 10pm. Works 5 days per week. Anyway, she had to basically help my dad do this HUGE stack of paper work and study for his test he had to take just so she could help him study. He didn't even look at the mail when he got it. Mom found out at last minute.
8) dad is financially irresponsible. He has been squatting in HIS parents house for over 20 yrs. but... But the house was left to dad and his 4 siblings. His siblings have been complaining for years they want him out cuz they wanna sell. Worries the heck outta mom. But they haven't made him sell, it's like every 2-3 years they invite themselves over to heckle, but just leave. They haven't given it to him, however.
9) my moms tried to get my dad to change, take financial classes w her, go to AA. He won't or he doesn't follow through.
10) my mom took care of DADs mother (paternal grandma) for 2 years, not for hope of reward (she doesn't think like that) but because she has a huge heart and is extremely empathetic, sensitive and just can't help it! It's in her nature.... She's like Mother Mary, to me.... I'm sure all kids think that about their moms.... But I'm scared for her mental and physical health right now.
Yet another crisis: my dads KEY employee, who did a lot of computer work my mom hasnt been trained to do.... She quit. That was a major issue.
But worse my mom also, in the midst of all this madness, needed a hysterectomy. And worse... The stress she's been under is causing her immense pain sitting down, in the car, etc. STILL worse... The surgery has not healed right. I am so sad about this she truly deserves better. I wish I could do something but I'm in a bad position myself, which I'm trying to repair. Any advice would be really appreciated. I don't want her to lose her health insurance.... I want her to be happy, not in chaos all the time.
Thank-you
