Adult child living in abusive home

[Arcobaleno]

Jurisdiction

Virginia

I am 21 years old and live in an abusive home, my father is the aggressor and is 65 years old. He is a veteran and is 50% disabled. My mother is also a veteran and 100% disabled. He is volatile, violent, breaks personal belongings of myself and my mother, threatens violence, threatens suicide, and has committed assault on me when I was a child and adult, but never left scars.

He and my mother own the house together on the mortgage, and he has kept me from relatives, friends, and any services that may be able to help me. He often takes my phone so I am unable to speak to others or record what has recently transpired with photographs. I am afraid that if I call upon the law, he has told me I will have nowhere to go but the streets. Is this true? Is there any way that I can be helped legally, as he has also said my mother cannot testify even if she wanted to because they are married.

I am very afraid and the stress from this is ruining my ability to focus and work in college, and I am fearful I have already ruined my future by having been in this house so long. Thank you for any and all replies, I will review and give any more information needed for an answer.

 

[cbg]

You are an adult. There is nothing stopping you from moving out. Do so.

 

[Arcobaleno]

If you know of housing, food, or a job for someone with 0 workplace experience then please enlighten me. If I could simply leave with no money and no support and be perfectly fine do you think I would willingly remain in a combative environment? Leaving is not a feasible option, unless you can tell me of another adult who has left her home with no money friends or job, without any form of legal advice, and lived well.

 

[army judge]

There are no adult children, but adults do behave like children.
You're in college.
You're free to walk out the door of your father's home and never return.
You ask about money, and other amenities, adults provide those things for themselves.
Unlike children, the world discourages leeching and mooching.
This is a pay as you use, planet.
You want to eat, you buy (or steal food).
BTW, breaking any of THEIR laws possesses great risks.
I suggest you simply leave that cruel man now, and you'll discover an even more cruel world.
Yes, in that world, people will not only beat you, they'll kill you, rape you, sometimes raping your corpse after they've killed.
In that new world you'll soon enter, you must pay to exist.
There are no free lunches, in that free world, and very few will lend an ear to hear you tell your tales of woe.
The mother of the little pigs in the fable, "The Three Little Pigs" admonished her brood as she sent them off to make their way in the world, " Whatever you do , do it the best that you can because that's the way to get along in the world."

 

[Arcobaleno]

Might I ask the correct term then for a genetic spawn of two people (parents) in this context, if not child?
What you have given is not advice, but a saying that I have no way out. In its own way, that can be construed as advice. I asked if there was a way to report my father's domestic violence without being forced out of my home, a yes or no could have sufficed instead of foretold tales of rape and death.

 

[army judge]

Might I ask the correct term then for a genetic spawn of two people (parents) in this context, if not child?
What you have given is not advice, but a saying that I have no way out. In its own way, that can be construed as advice. I asked if there was a way to report my father's domestic violence without being forced out of my home, a yes or no could have sufficed instead of foretold tales of rape and death.

You're somewhat perceptive in that you are able to distinguish my posts as something other than advice.

We don't dispense legal advice here.

We DO discuss legal issues, occasionally steering people to conduct their own research, so as to become better informed about their legal issues or concerns.

If you seek SPECIFIC legal advice, that can only be acquired by retaining an attorney, or seeking pro bono legal representation.

You ask if you can report a crime.
Even a five year old knows the answer to that.
You want to report a crime, then remain in the home of the alleged perpetrator.
That is very doubtful, even if you were to obtain a protective order.
Why?
Because no one would be available to pay the bills.

The proper term for the "spawn" (older than 18 years of age) created out of an act of sexual intercourse between a female and a male homo sapiens is adult. You're mixing your metaphors, and/or your descriptors by imposing child. I suppose you mean "offspring", "progeny", or perhaps "issue".

Good luck.

 

[txls]

If you are unable to move out on your own, then your only option might be some type of shelter. You will have to check in your community. I don't know what other answer you thought there might be.

 

[cbg]

Sooner or later, everyone has to get their first job. Sounds like it's time for you to get yours.

I don't know what options you are looking for. Exactly what do you think the law is going to do? Throw your father out of the house?

 

[Betty3]

Can you get a part time job? Is there a friend or relative (other than parents) you can move in with?

 

[leslie82]

I am 21 years old and live in an abusive home, my father is the aggressor and is 65 years old. He is a veteran and is 50% disabled. My mother is also a veteran and 100% disabled. He is volatile, violent, breaks personal belongings of myself and my mother, threatens violence, threatens suicide, and has committed assault on me when I was a child and adult, but never left scars.

He and my mother own the house together on the mortgage, and he has kept me from relatives, friends, and any services that may be able to help me. He often takes my phone so I am unable to speak to others or record what has recently transpired with photographs. I am afraid that if I call upon the law, he has told me I will have nowhere to go but the streets. Is this true? Is there any way that I can be helped legally, as he has also said my mother cannot testify even if she wanted to because they are married.

I am very afraid and the stress from this is ruining my ability to focus and work in college, and I am fearful I have already ruined my future by having been in this house so long. Thank you for any and all replies, I will review and give any more information needed for an answer.

Move out. Your parents have no obligation to let you live there. Your dad can kick you out at any time. If it's that bad, leave. Get your own place. If your mom wants to leave take her with you. If she doesn't, that's her decision.

You are an adult who is their child yes. But you are not an "adult child." Maybe you are a man boy sounds like it.

Plenty of people are worse off than you and start over at the bottom. Think about all the victims of domestic violence who escape and have to literally start over with nothing AND have kids to take care of as well.

I'm sure there are resources at your college. Talk to the counselor. Get a job. Why aren't you working? You can go to college and work. I did it. My senior year, I had three part time jobs. For three months of that year I worked at a job every single day of the week until I asked for every other weekend off at one job.

You can manage. Lots of people do it daily.

 

[leslie82]

Might I ask the correct term then for a genetic spawn of two people (parents) in this context, if not child?
What you have given is not advice, but a saying that I have no way out. In its own way, that can be construed as advice. I asked if there was a way to report my father's domestic violence without being forced out of my home, a yes or no could have sufficed instead of foretold tales of rape and death.

It's your father's home. So he can kick you out at any time. That's the way it works. So you can report his violence all you want. He might get arrested. You can stay there as long as he's in jail but the second he gets out he probably will kick you out.

 

[Disabled Vet]

If you know of housing, food, or a job for someone with 0 workplace experience then please enlighten me. If I could simply leave with no money and no support and be perfectly fine do you think I would willingly remain in a combative environment? Leaving is not a feasible option, unless you can tell me of another adult who has left her home with no money friends or job, without any form of legal advice, and lived well.

I moved out when i was done with high school.... It's simple as that. Your a adult so maybe it's time to act as one. So many places are hiring... I suggest you get a job, save your money and move out of this hostile place. Why would anyone want to stay in a place that is like you explained? You could join the military and finish out your schooling there as well. They will provide you with everything that is needed.