Need HELP...American child living in Germany...need to establish paternity and more.

[stradeteox]

I have a dilema that I hope someone could give me a some good advice and a place to start from.

I will try to keep this short and post more information if needed;

14 years ago while stationed overseas my girlfriend at the time became pregnant. She had dual citezenship (German and American) and left Germany to file for a divorce from her American husband (I too am American).

I never heard from her again. She recognciled with her husband and had our baby while living in California. A year later I found out she was divorced, living back in Germany and that she had a young baby (I was now living back in the US). I was able to contact her by phone living with her parents, but she would not tell me if I was the father (I knew I probably was). We lost contact after 10 months (and becuase I got tired of her not giving me an honest answer - or maybe she didn't know).

A year later she called to find out if Epilepsy ran in my family since our child had taken a fall. This was the first time she ever admitted I was the father. I was now remarried and completely surprised to hear about this. I asked her if this meant I was the father and she said yes. I never heard from her again after this.

I tried every couple of years to contact her by phone (I always got the grandmother on the phone) but never received a reply from the mother nor did I ever get her on the phone.

Finally now after 12 years I have found her again in Germany with her own address and phone number. As it turns out she is not raising our child (her parents are). I have received photos of my child that are recent. I have no doubt the child is mine as she looks exactly like me and my current children. I would stake my life on it and submit to a blood test.

The mother has told me that the grandparents know about me and that I am the father (I have these statements in emails). I have snet a letter of introduction to the grandparents with my wish to know wbout my child (which in turn infuriated the mother). Apparently there is something being hidden from me or the mother is not being honest with me. I feel the mother never spends time with our child or perhaps is mentally unstable.

After just 2 months of contact the mother has cut me off and will not speak to me. I want to know my child and I would at the very least like for my child to be able to find me someday if she wishes. The child does not have my last name and I am not listed on the birth certificate.

Can I go to court to establish paternity and have my name added to the child's birth certificate? I do not know if the ex-husband had his name removed from the birth certificate, but I will find out soon.

Also, is there any chance since the child was born in the US that I may be able to seek visitation? Will I have to pay child support or back support? I know the mother receives money from the German government for being a single parent.

Finally, if I have a chance at being able to get any of this done through the court is this enforceable overseas (and how would that be done)?

I know I probably need to talk to an attorney, but I am wondering if I even have a chance here. Thanks in advance for any advice.

 

[stradeteox]

Additional information....

I forgot to add that the mother told me that our child does not know who her father is. The mother's ex-husband suppossedly has no contact and the child does not know who he is (so I would not be confusing the child if and when she ever is told about me).

Also, 14 years ago the mother of our child told me she was sexually abused by her father for a year when she was a teenager. I do not know if this true, but it concerns me that she would let the grandparents raise our child if it did happen. All I can do is hope it was not true.

And...during the 2 months that I was recently in contact with the mother, never once did she mention ever visiting or spending time with our child (who she only lives 11 minutes from). I wonder if the grandparents are raising the child because the mother has problems (drugs, alcohol, psychological or whatever).

She did tell me that our child goes to private school and is very intelligent so I am at least very happy that the grandparents seem to be raising our child very well. The mother has never since been remarried or had any other children. She lives alone.

Again...any advice and information would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

 

[Duranie]

Legally. this child is not yours. Paternity was not established so not matter if they child looks like you or the mother told you you are the father, if she was married to someone else at the time of birth, he is the legal father.

Right now so much time has passd it is unclear what the courts will do. You need to file for paternity where the child resides. If the child is in Germany then you are going to have to contact a german family law attorney.

It is going to be alot of work on your part to get anything done. The legal father of that child is out there somewhere and that is her father. A german attorney would be able to possibly help you.

 

[stradeteox]

More information...

Are you sure about this?

Everything I have read in similar posts suggests that since the child was born in the US that US law would prevail here.

In fact, I contacted the CA Vital Statititics office and they informed me that the husband at the time would be the legal father on the birth certificate, but I am q

 

[stradeteox]

More information...

Are you sure about this?

Everything I have read in similar posts suggests that since the child was born in the US that US law would prevail here.

In fact, I contacted the CA Vital Statititics office and they informed me that the husband at the time would be the legal father on the birth certificate, but I am quite sure that he was smart enough to have his name removed from the birth certifcate years ago so that he would not be legally responsible. He kicked her out after the baby was born and she went back to Germany (this information comes from the mother).

I will be contacting him after the holidays to confirm this. I was also told by the CA Vital Statistics office that I could file a petition to establish paternity in my home state of AL.

Why would it be necessary to this in Germany as you suggest? Also, I think the Haugue Conference says that any court order/action from the US regarding support/custody/paternity is enforceable in Germany (as well as many other countries).

Any suggestions or advice form anyone here would be greatly appreciated....thanks.

 

[Duranie]

Since the mother and child reside in Germany, Germany would have jurisdiction, I believe.

The father is unlikely able to get his name removed from the birth cert. Cant do it unless paternity is established by someone else. He knew he was not the father when he signed it and did so anyways.

The child was born in the US but has lived in Germany almost her entire life, so she is a German citizen most likely now. I am not 100% sure of this but I don't see how an American attorney can help you since the mother and the child are not in the US.

I am not sure that you were told correctly that you could file for paternity in AL. You can try asking a family law attorney, I would not trust what vital stats told you.

 

[Sandradiana]

It's going to be hard...German citizenship is not established based on WHERE the child was born but to whom, i.e., if the parent is a German citizen or not--if one of the parents is than that parent can automatically go to any German consulate anywhere in the world and get a German passport for the child. It is very likely that your child has dual citizenship (which is totally legal in Germany, only after the child has reached the age of 18 would he/she have to chose). It also sounds like the mother is a German citizen so it will be entirely up to the German court system, my guess is be that the German system would favor whomever has taken care of the child for so long. Also, not to be further discouraging...since the mother/grandparents received $ from the German government to support your child you might be asked to repay this. Germans are very strict when it comes to child support enforcement (however, I am certainly not sure how that works and if they indeed try to collect, it's just something that you might also consider if you decide to go that route).

A note on the side (and I hope you don't feel that this is inappropriate)...as a person who only met her biological father in her 20s, I can't tell you how rewarding it was to actually meet him--this was also an "international affair" --and I commend you for your efforts.

 

[stradeteox]

Thanks.....I have some hope and some work ahead of me.

Thanks Sandradiana for your words of encouragement. I am very hopeful that my daughter will someday find out about me or try to find me. It is nice to know that you had a happy ending to your search.

My only concern is that the mother/grandparents will never tell her anything about me and that she may wrongfully go searching for the mother's ex-husband as her father (since she has his last name). I did give my full contact information and SSN to the mother and the grandparents in hopes that they will share this with my child when and if the time ever comes. I know this may come back to bite me in the a** if they decide to go for support, but I would willingly comply. Besides, I already have 3 children so the amount would be limited and it would give me step towards visitation since paternity would have to be establsihed. They probably will not pursue it just because of that.

I have also since found out that I would have to use a German family lawyer and go thru german court if I decide to pursue it. According to german laws regarding custody/support/paternity....the country where the child/parent live has jurisdiction. Suppossedly lawyers fees in germany are regulated by the government and therefore much less expensive than here in the US. I have also developed a list/network of English speaking attorneys in Berlin that I can contact should it be necessary.

For the time being I am just going to continue to write the grandparents from time-to-time in hope that they will finally reply or give in to my requests to know my daughter. Maybe someday they will understand how serious I am about this. I would be completely happy with just getting photos updates on my daughters progress until she learns about her father. So far no luck, but I will keep at it....I have nothing to lose but time.

If it gets nasty or if I get told to go away, then I will pursue legal action thru a german attorney. At the current time I do not have the resources to do this and I do want to give it time for my desire to know my daughter to sink in with the mother and the family. Unfortunately I do not know what untruths and stories from the mother to her family I am facing.

If anyone has some words of encouragement or legal advice (even suggestions) to add, I would be greateful as my hands are currently tied in this matter.

Thanks!!!