lawabidingmom
New Member
Here's the history of my case:
Had baby while husband and I were separated (Nov 2004). We were separated due to husband's ifidelity and I found out by word of mouth and websites, etc, but was too naive (read, stupid) to keep evidence.
Proceeded to "try to work it out", counseling, etc, but gave up by early 2005. Legally separated Dec 4, 2005 and I, at this time, had begun dating someone else seriously.
During this entire time, I'm active duty navy and at a sea-going command.
At point of legal separation, husband moved to his mother's house. At this time, I believe it was in best interest of child to move with him due to my heavy military deployments and what the babysitter had told me about husband's (in)ability to take care of child during my time away. Had very vague custody "arrangment"...basically stated we would verbally arrange visitation but both retained joint legal and physical custody....agreement stated in black and white that when I was in port and not at sea, the child would be with me.
Got pregnant by new boyfriend end of Dec 2005.
Transferred to shore duty for military and assumed custody of son, per "verbal" agreement above.
Father "suspected" and drove to my state, removed child from daycare during my work-day without my knowledge or consent, took him back to his state, and withheld him from me for almost two months.
I file Motion for Show Cause in Juvenile Court, Motion to Amend Custody, and Motion to Amend Support. Father was arraigned but his lawyer successfully moved date later TWICE. I did get a temporary order stating we have shared custody, gave exact visitation date schedule, and ordered us both to attend parenting class.
I hire attorney. I attend parenting class. My second child, with boyfriend, is born. Ex husband denies paternity and acknowledges on paper he is not the father, boyfriend is father and he wants nothign to do with second child.
We attempt to talk through attorneys, but attorneys begin to drag feet. Meanwhile, his lawyer moves case to Circuit Court to get it, and him, out of the Juvenile Court, and therefore, out of hot water. Got a pendente lite order from circuit court basically backing the temp. order from Juvenile Court stating joint custody, equal time in both homes. Begin drafting Divorce. Suddenly, ex-husband calls and begins threatening me with telling military about adultery (which would have gotten me dishonorable discharge). Also threatened boyfriend with same. Threatened to remove child from home again, threatened to withhold him again. Under duress, he drafted Addendum to last Order stating he had six weeks at a time and I had two and he had primary physical custody. He stressed that child would be in great home (because he STILL lives with his mother), a bigger house, more opportunities, around his family all the time, OH, and if I didn't comply, he would contest the paternity of second child and, according to VA law, since child is born of the marriage he could assume paternity.
I sign addendum but when my attorney mails it to him, my ex husband proceeds to write all over it and demand lots of changes. My funds are running short, but I know I shouldn't agree to an addendum that's been written on and changed. I tell my attorney that I will not agree to anything until I see a finalized, new copy that I can sign again. He relays this message to opposing counsel, and she replies (this is an attorney barred in Va) "I'll just take her signature page and staple it to back of the revised addendum." My attorney is horrified and tells me that if she does this, it is fraudulent. At same time, I get my son back and he has a severe staph infection, and now I'm really sure I don't want that addendum to go through and I want full custody because his infection was severe and I was worried he would get another one there, oh, and they don't have health insurance for him, I had to provide it. (even though all the orders state the father must provide).
Funds run out, I must release my lawyer, but upon his last legal advice to me, I file a withdrawal of my endorsement of the addendum in the court and mail a letter stating such to opposing counsel. I also request court date for emergency custody hearing from judge's secretary and secure a date. this is on a friday... the following friday, a full seven days later, she files the addendum anyway, and then SHE requests a date from the judge to force me to follow the addendum.
we go to court today, judge refuses to enforce me to follow addendum, as i expected. opposing counsel proceeded to attempt to go ahead and hear custody case at that time... judge, again, refused as I had previously set a court date and all my witnesses were prepared to be there on date I had set. opposing counsel furious and demands that we get DNA test of second child since she was born during marriage. also refuses to appear on second court date and we had to set yet another date that was convenient for HER. judge "suggested" that i "get a lawyer"....is that a bad sign?
I have the following witnesses guaranteed to be there on my behalf at case hearing:
My mother and My father stating my demeanor with the child and also condition of my home.
Babysitter of two years and her husband who have seen child every day and are aware of my parenting "abilities"...also, they see my house on a regular basis.
Doctor who diagnosed staph infection and also pointed out scars of previous infections.
Juvenile court never did punish ex for removing child from state and withholding him from me.
Circuit court judge is unaware this situation existed in Juv. court.
I completed 4 yrs honorable service, received honorable discharge, from military, now I work for a marketing firm 8:00-4:00.... ex lives with his parents and drives a beer truck 12 hours a day. Child is with grandparents most of day.
What chance do I have??? It's so hard to "prove" you're a good parent... it's a lot harder to prove you're bad than you're good.
Someone, please advise... I cannot afford a lawyer, so please, no responses that simply say, "Hire a lawyer"... legal aid here is backed up months and months. I honestly believe child's health is in danger with recurring infections, which is why I'm pushing for this to happen ASAP. Do I really stand a chance against him when he has a lawyer and I don't? What should I do???
Had baby while husband and I were separated (Nov 2004). We were separated due to husband's ifidelity and I found out by word of mouth and websites, etc, but was too naive (read, stupid) to keep evidence.
Proceeded to "try to work it out", counseling, etc, but gave up by early 2005. Legally separated Dec 4, 2005 and I, at this time, had begun dating someone else seriously.
During this entire time, I'm active duty navy and at a sea-going command.
At point of legal separation, husband moved to his mother's house. At this time, I believe it was in best interest of child to move with him due to my heavy military deployments and what the babysitter had told me about husband's (in)ability to take care of child during my time away. Had very vague custody "arrangment"...basically stated we would verbally arrange visitation but both retained joint legal and physical custody....agreement stated in black and white that when I was in port and not at sea, the child would be with me.
Got pregnant by new boyfriend end of Dec 2005.
Transferred to shore duty for military and assumed custody of son, per "verbal" agreement above.
Father "suspected" and drove to my state, removed child from daycare during my work-day without my knowledge or consent, took him back to his state, and withheld him from me for almost two months.
I file Motion for Show Cause in Juvenile Court, Motion to Amend Custody, and Motion to Amend Support. Father was arraigned but his lawyer successfully moved date later TWICE. I did get a temporary order stating we have shared custody, gave exact visitation date schedule, and ordered us both to attend parenting class.
I hire attorney. I attend parenting class. My second child, with boyfriend, is born. Ex husband denies paternity and acknowledges on paper he is not the father, boyfriend is father and he wants nothign to do with second child.
We attempt to talk through attorneys, but attorneys begin to drag feet. Meanwhile, his lawyer moves case to Circuit Court to get it, and him, out of the Juvenile Court, and therefore, out of hot water. Got a pendente lite order from circuit court basically backing the temp. order from Juvenile Court stating joint custody, equal time in both homes. Begin drafting Divorce. Suddenly, ex-husband calls and begins threatening me with telling military about adultery (which would have gotten me dishonorable discharge). Also threatened boyfriend with same. Threatened to remove child from home again, threatened to withhold him again. Under duress, he drafted Addendum to last Order stating he had six weeks at a time and I had two and he had primary physical custody. He stressed that child would be in great home (because he STILL lives with his mother), a bigger house, more opportunities, around his family all the time, OH, and if I didn't comply, he would contest the paternity of second child and, according to VA law, since child is born of the marriage he could assume paternity.
I sign addendum but when my attorney mails it to him, my ex husband proceeds to write all over it and demand lots of changes. My funds are running short, but I know I shouldn't agree to an addendum that's been written on and changed. I tell my attorney that I will not agree to anything until I see a finalized, new copy that I can sign again. He relays this message to opposing counsel, and she replies (this is an attorney barred in Va) "I'll just take her signature page and staple it to back of the revised addendum." My attorney is horrified and tells me that if she does this, it is fraudulent. At same time, I get my son back and he has a severe staph infection, and now I'm really sure I don't want that addendum to go through and I want full custody because his infection was severe and I was worried he would get another one there, oh, and they don't have health insurance for him, I had to provide it. (even though all the orders state the father must provide).
Funds run out, I must release my lawyer, but upon his last legal advice to me, I file a withdrawal of my endorsement of the addendum in the court and mail a letter stating such to opposing counsel. I also request court date for emergency custody hearing from judge's secretary and secure a date. this is on a friday... the following friday, a full seven days later, she files the addendum anyway, and then SHE requests a date from the judge to force me to follow the addendum.
we go to court today, judge refuses to enforce me to follow addendum, as i expected. opposing counsel proceeded to attempt to go ahead and hear custody case at that time... judge, again, refused as I had previously set a court date and all my witnesses were prepared to be there on date I had set. opposing counsel furious and demands that we get DNA test of second child since she was born during marriage. also refuses to appear on second court date and we had to set yet another date that was convenient for HER. judge "suggested" that i "get a lawyer"....is that a bad sign?
I have the following witnesses guaranteed to be there on my behalf at case hearing:
My mother and My father stating my demeanor with the child and also condition of my home.
Babysitter of two years and her husband who have seen child every day and are aware of my parenting "abilities"...also, they see my house on a regular basis.
Doctor who diagnosed staph infection and also pointed out scars of previous infections.
Juvenile court never did punish ex for removing child from state and withholding him from me.
Circuit court judge is unaware this situation existed in Juv. court.
I completed 4 yrs honorable service, received honorable discharge, from military, now I work for a marketing firm 8:00-4:00.... ex lives with his parents and drives a beer truck 12 hours a day. Child is with grandparents most of day.
What chance do I have??? It's so hard to "prove" you're a good parent... it's a lot harder to prove you're bad than you're good.
Someone, please advise... I cannot afford a lawyer, so please, no responses that simply say, "Hire a lawyer"... legal aid here is backed up months and months. I honestly believe child's health is in danger with recurring infections, which is why I'm pushing for this to happen ASAP. Do I really stand a chance against him when he has a lawyer and I don't? What should I do???
